


Finding the Balance

by littlecakes



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: ALL THE FLUFF, Emotional Sex, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Jealousy, Slow Build, Smut, domestic abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-02-01 16:01:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 84,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12708261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlecakes/pseuds/littlecakes
Summary: After ten years of living in Zuzu City, Gemma returns to Stardew Valley. She longs to be understood and find a sense of belonging in a cold world she feels detached from. Alex, who lives at home to support his ailing grandparents, dreams of bigger things and a better self. The two collide as they reacquaint themselves. Will they find solace in each other? Or is this the tipping point for both of them?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all, thanks for stopping by to read :) Just note that my story is set in a *mild* AU where she had lived on the farm with her grandfather previously. All characters are slightly modified, as that normally happens in fanfiction... yeah. I hope you like it :) Alex is one of my favorite characters and I feel like he definitely doesn't get enough love.
> 
> Also, please, feel free to leave feedback. I really like to hear from people who are reading my stuff. thanks :)

If Gemma had asked herself ten years ago if she would be here again, she would never have believed it. She would never believe that she was ever setting foot on the farm ever again. She would never have believed that she herself could be a landowner, let alone the owner of a prestigious farm. 

It felt like a dream as she stepped off the bus step into the muddy puddle below her. Walking down the road west of town was like deja vu. The gate to the farm creaked when opened, just as it always had. Gemma felt like she had stepped into the past, somehow. The enormous farmhouse with the pile of wood on one side. The greenhouse skeleton that her grandfather always said he would finish but never did. The field that spanned as far as she could see. The wave of nostalgia that hit her was like a tsunami as she stepped onto the land that was her childhood home. 

Time stood still for no one, though. The grass and weeds that reached to her knees did a fine job reminding her of that. 

Lewis had said the keys would be in the mailbox for her when she got here. “My, my, it only took you ten years to come back, Gem!” he’d said over the phone with a chortle. “Gus will be pleased to see you again…” 

“Well, it has been a while, but I’m glad to hear that Gus is still manning the tap,” Gemma had whispered into the phone, coworker’s eavesdropping ears be damned. 

“Of course, the day Gus is gone is the day this town revolts,” Lewis said, leaving a pregnant pause. “So...” 

She sighed heavily as she remembered the awkward conversation. She could tell Lewis was full to the brim with questions. Gemma knew he would ask them later on one evening at the Stardrop Saloon after a few beers. Like, where have you been? How was Zuzu? The big city not good enough for you? Is anywhere good enough for you? Your childhood home certainly wasn’t... 

Gemma was five when her mom was arrested in the motel room they had been living in. Her grandfather came around to the police station to pick her up. It wasn’t until she was twelve that her grandfather told her why she had come to live with him instead of her mother. 

“Your mom had a lot of trouble coping,” he said. “Heroin was her way of softening the world around her. She’s not like you. She can’t see the sunshine. She isn’t as brave as you are.” 

“I’m not brave,” little Gemma squeaked, hugging her stuffed horse. It had been another sleepless night of call and response. Her grandfather always tried to answer her endless questions about her mother the best that he could. 

“That’s where you’re wrong. You’re the bravest girl I know.” he said as he gave her a hug before tucking her into bed. 

She remembered the way her mom shrieked as he carried her out of the station, stroking her amber hair. From that day on, she lived and breathed Stills Farm. She would help her grandfather pluck parsnips from the loamy soil and wash the dirt from the cow’s bellies. Gemma had fond memories of climbing apple trees and reading by the fire with her beloved grandfather. The two were inseparable when she was younger. 

There were other memories too, but she didn’t want to remember those right now. Gemma was trying to let herself feel excited about this. Her childhood home was now hers. The house, the land, the memories. 

She scraped her muddy boots on the weathered welcome mat before walking inside. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

Alex Ruddicks rolled over to slap his alarm clock and groaned. How could it be 8 already, he wondered, as he rolled over to fall back asleep. It was Monday, not that it mattered. Days didn’t matter when you were unemployed. They could invent an entirely new day of the week and it wouldn’t matter. His life would stay the same. While most people would be bothered with monotony, Alex found comfort in it. If things didn’t change, all was well. Everyone was happy and healthy. 

“Alex, my dear…” he heard his grandmother say softly through the door. “It rained last night, and I could use your help…” 

There it was. The gentle reminder of why he wasn’t working. Alex lived with his elderly grandparents. Since his grandfather, George, had become wheelchair-bound, Alex found himself occupied with helping his grandmother around the house. He would help Evelyn with groceries, cleaning, taking care of the house… then there were the less fun jobs. Helping George get in the shower. Making sure that someone was there at night in case Evelyn fell walking to the bathroom. He shuddered to think what could happen if he weren’t there. 

There were times where a job posting on the job board for part time help at the carpentry shop intrigued him. Hell, even Jojamart’s fading hiring poster appealed to him, with its APPLY NOW looming like a foreboding message. When he remembered them, though, he quickly dropped the subject with himself. Their needs far outweighed his own. Plus, he felt like practicing for gridball was an investment in all three of their futures. If he could go pro, Evelyn would never have to lift a finger again. George could get physical therapy. 

“Coming…” he groaned, rolling out of bed and pulling a t-shirt on over his head. He mussed with his hair in the mirror attached to the back of his door before heading out into the kitchen. There, he found Evelyn hunched over, picking up a pot full of water. She was surrounded by most of her kitchenware, all holding various quantities of water. His heart sunk when he saw her. 

“Gram, what are you doing??” 

“Oh, Alex, it’s terrible, the ceiling is leaking again,” she complained, her voice filled with woe. He heard his grandfather grumble from the living room about how he would get to it later. Was he already in front of the TV…? It was a little early for that, but Alex shrugged as he took the heavy pot from his grandmother. 

“I’ll try to get up there as soon as I can,” he said with a sigh. 

“Thank you, angel.” Evelyn said with a smile, standing on tiptoe to give him a kiss on the cheek. “What would I do without you?” 

“A whole lot more than you should ever have to,” he said with a chuckle. She patted his back as he turned to the sink to dump the water out from the stock pot and put it under the drip from the ceiling. He worked through the rest until they all were empty and ready to be filled again. Surely, it would take him most of the day to go to Robin’s and purchase shingles, rip up the old portion of the roof, and rework it. 

He returned to his room to ready himself for the day. He dressed himself in his usual- a t shirt and jeans- but forwent the letterman’s jacket. He was afraid that working on the roof would only add more wear and tear that it didn’t need. It was his prized possession, the reminder of all he wanted to be capable of. There would never be another one. He went for a light rain slicker instead. Then there was the hair. He always wetted it before working it into its typical spiked shape with hair gel. He liked the way it looked. Alex had always been particular about his outward appearance. It had become ritualistic at this point to finesse his look. 

It only took about an hour to get to Robin’s and back. He carried the lumber over one shoulder and the bag of shingles over the other, thankful that he had worked arms yesterday instead of back muscles. The walk back was long and arduous. He should probably skip working out today, he thought. Who was he kidding? He never skipped. This was the year. This was the year he’d make it and go pro. There was no leeway for skipping. 

Alex scurried up the ladder onto the roof. Yup, there it was. A big fucking hole just above the kitchen. It looked like just wear and tear, but Alex had to be sure that it wasn’t something worse. He tried not to think of the possibilities. Hopefully there wasn’t a critter hiding in there. A raccoon would not be a pleasant thing to encounter while carefully perched atop the ladder. 

Thankfully, it just looked like time had worked its magic on the roof. A lot of wood rot, not much more. He spent most of his morning tearing up the shingles and replacing some of the woodwork. It was easy work. He had already replaced the other part of the roof last spring, so he already knew what he was doing. 

“Are you doing okay up there, son? Don’t forget to check the insulation.” George called from the ground. 

“Yeah pops, I’ve got it, don’t worry.” He called. He heard George go back inside. The town was wide awake by now as everyone went about their normal routine. Penny took the children to the library. Elliot went to the store. Harvey took his normal breaks under the tree west of the plaza. It was an ordinary day here in Pelican Town. He sat on the roof, just watching the people go by. Evelyn waved as she went out to attend to the flowers decorating the plaza and he smiled a big smile as he waved back. 

Evelyn stopped to chat with… that wasn’t Jodi. It wasn’t Caroline either. Who was that? Her golden hair was tied in a messy bun atop her head. Her hair complimented her sparkling green eyes. He’d never seen anyone like her in the valley. Her style screamed Zuzu, but the boots said farmgirl. She was petite, but built like someone who ate more than just salads and chicken wraps. There was something familiar about her. Alex was fascinated. 

The girl waved goodbye as she walked into Pierre’s. Alex fought the urge to hop off the ladder and go ask for her number. This girl was obviously new. She didn’t know anything about him, nor he about her. Could he get across without acting like a pretentious asshole? He couldn’t seem to decide if he had enough faith in himself. Instead, he just sat, his eyes glued to the storefront. 

It was only a few minutes before she came out. He scrambled to look busy as he noticed her noticing him just sitting on his roof, staring at her. Shit, he thought, now she’ll think I’m a fucking creep. He started spacing shingles on the roof so he could nail them down when he heard a thunk and cursing. Alex looked over his shoulder. 

Her bag had split, spilling groceries everywhere. He glanced around to see an oddly empty plaza. “I gotcha,” he shouted, sliding coolly down his ladder. He had taught himself that trick last spring and patted himself on the back for it. 

Alex rushed over and started picking up odds and ends. Various packets of seeds and enough supplies to stock an entire house, along with dog food, had all fallen. She’d had her hands very full, obviously. 

“Thank you,” she said breathlessly. The mystery girl smiled at him. Twinkling white teeth, green eyes… Freckles. Alex seemingly forgot how to breathe. 

“No problem,” he said casually. Fake it til you make it, he thought. Be cool. 

“I’m Gemma,” she said, trying to stick a hand out to shake his, but slipping and dropping the massive bag of dog food again. 

“I’m Alex…. Can I help you? It kind of looks like you’re gonna need a hand.” 

“But, your roof, you look busy…” 

“It can wait, it’s not raining anymore.” Alex said, grabbing the bag of dog food and tossing it over his shoulder. “I can make time for a pretty girl.” 

Shit. What did I just tell myself? He thought. 

She just smiled awkwardly and murmured a thanks. They walked in silence as she led him down the dirt road towards the old abandoned farm. He hadn’t been down here in ages. Benjamin Stills used to live here before he died. Didn’t he have a granddaughter that used to live with him…? Alex couldn’t remember her name. 

“Where are we going?” He asked. 

“Stills farm,” she said, adjusting her load as they passed the bus stop. 

“Oh yeah? You knew Benjamin?” He said, holding open the gate for her. Ben was by far the friendliest, kindest person he’d ever met, aside from his own grandmother. He remembered the gridball Ben had given him for Wintersday one year. He still had it sitting on his shelf. 

“You could say that,” she said quietly. “I’m his granddaughter.” 

Alex stopped in his tracks. Gemma. How could he forget? He remembered the summers where she was home from school. She would sunbathe on the beach in the summer. Alex remembered the way her hair caught the light. He would always find excuses to play gridball on the beach whenever he had time off from the ice cream stand. She lived in Pelican Town before he moved in with his grandparents. It had only been a few summers before she left. 

“Gemma,” he muttered. He could hardly believe it. She was here. He felt sixteen and awkward all over again. 

“That’s me…” she said, filling the awkward silence. They were standing on her porch now. How’d they get here? 

A massive husky mix sprinted through the grass and nearly tackled her. She laughed and scratched his ears. The dog looked at him with curious eyes. Alex knew with Dusty that you should always let them smell before reaching out. He cupped his hand and allowed the dog to stick its frothy nose in between his fingers. The dog’s tail wagged happily. 

“Oh, Storm likes you!” Gemma exclaimed. “He doesn’t like men, usually.” 

“I have a dog,” Alex said, smiling at the pup. “I love them.” 

Gemma smiled and laughed at her dog, who had put his giant paws up on Alex’s shoulders to lick his face. Alex grinned and pulled his paws down to the ground. 

“Thank you for your help,” she said with a smile. She took the dog food from him and set it against the door. 

“You’re welcome. And… um…” he said, trailing. She looked at him inquisitively. Sorry for hitting on you? Sorry for obviously forgetting about your existence? 

“See you later,” he choked, before turning and walking back to his house, hands thrust deep in his pockets. So much for being smooth, he thought.


	2. Chapter 2

Gemma quickly discovered that her work was cut out for her at the farm. Dilapidated buildings, overgrown grasses, and stands of young trees made any actual farming near impossible to accomplish. She had spent the first day simply cleaning the farmhouse. Years of neglect filled it with dirt, spiderwebs, and other unpleasant things. She dreaded to think of what the barn or coop looked like. They were not nearly as weatherproof as the house was. The pack of seeds Lewis had given her, along with all the other seeds she had bought at the store earlier in the week, languished a kitchen drawer while she spent her days cutting grasses and clearing out trees. The work was difficult to say the least. Gemma’s cushy city life allowed her to grow comfortable with what little strength she had. She was kicking herself for not using her membership at the office gym more often. 

She was busy struggling with a pine tree when her visitors showed up. Evelyn, Caroline, and Jodi trooped to the porch together, with Evelyn holding onto Caroline’s elbow as they trudged through the grass. Gemma wished they hadn’t shown up in time to see her struggle. Her strength was failing her as she was trying to lower a tree trunk to the ground. 

“Gemma, dear, are you here?” She heard Caroline call. Gemma’s hands slipped and the tree came crashing to the ground. The three women jumped and turned to see Gemma standing over the tree, clutching her axe. 

“You okay?” Jodi hollered. 

“Yeah, hold on a second.” Gemma clambered over the tree and waded through the grass. She jogged over to greet the group of women, arms outstretched and smiling. 

“Gemma, my precious girl…” Evelyn said as Gemma embraced her in a tight hug. “I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to see you. What a beautiful woman you’ve grown up to be.” 

Gemma choked up a little bit as she hugged the tiny, frail woman. Evelyn used to babysit her when her grandfather had to travel out of town overnight. It wasn’t often, but those times were special. They would bake cookies and Gemma would sleep in their spare room. She was sure that room was Alex’s now. “Hi, Evelyn, I’ve missed you.” 

“She’s right, Gem, you’re a lady now. Not that gangly teenager anymore!” Caroline said as she gave Gemma a tight squeeze. “Abigail has been asking Pierre if you’ve come around the store yet.” 

“Abigail hasn’t moved out of town yet?” Gemma said skeptically. Caroline just shrugged and grinned. “Of course not,” she giggled. “She is probably still looking for that wizard…” 

“Here, everyone in town pitched in to make you this,” Jodi said, handing Gemma a huge basket. “It’s not much, but we just want to let you know how happy we are to have another Stills in town. We’ve really missed you.” 

The basket she handed Gemma was heavy. Really heavy. 

“Can I open it?” Gemma said. 

“Well, what else would you do with it?” Caroline teased. The other women giggled. 

Gemma shredded the wrapping paper surrounding the basket’s contents. It was filled with meals. Breakfasts, lunches, dinners, sandwiches, cookies… Gemma’s heart felt like it would burst. The nostalgic tidal wave hit her again as she fondly remembered many Wintersday feast potlucks. She felt like the luckiest girl in Stardew Valley. 

“Thanks, ladies, this means a lot,” she said quietly. She felt Evelyn’s gentle hand on her wrist. Evelyn had a way of getting someone’s attention without saying much at all. 

“Sweetheart, I couldn’t help but notice that you have so much work for you to do here,” she said kindly. 

“Yeah, but I should be okay. I hope…” she said with a laugh. They all looked at the dilapidated farm that surrounded them. There wasn’t a single spot that didn’t need some attention. Even the farmhouse had seen better days. Gemma failed to mention that she slept on the couch last night because she forgot to pack sheets in her bag. Caroline and Jodi looked at each other, worry creased on their faces. Gemma knew that kind of look. It was a mom look. 

“Can I just send Alex over to help you with some of this? He’s a strong young man,” Evelyn said. “He is very helpful.” Caroline and Jodi nodded furiously at Evelyn’s offer. Take it, take it, they seemed to say. vGemma remembered the encounter she had had with him the other day. Alex hadn’t made a very good second first impression… forgetting who she was was understandable. It had been nearly a decade since she was last on the farm. But brazenly hitting on her wasn’t really understandable at all. “Umm….” 

Evelyn looked at her, her eyes glistening. Gemma knew that look, too. Evelyn was going to get her way here, whether Gemma liked it or not. She sighed. “Okay.” 

Evelyn looked so happy. “Wonderful,” she said. “He’ll be happy to get out of the house. He spends so much time helping me.” she must have been able to detect Gemma’s discomfort. “He’s a nice boy,” she murmured, patting Gemma’s hand. 

Just like that, the three left just as quickly as they had arrived. Gemma groaned. She couldn’t say no to that sweet old lady, and now she was resigned to an afternoon of awkward… awkward whatever that was. The way Alex looked at her when he realized who she was was something she wasn’t able to describe. 

Still, though, it might be nice to have help, she thought. Someone stronger than her would have a much easier time chopping down trees while she could dedicate her efforts to clearing out all of the weeds that seemed to have taken over the entire farm. Gemma wanted to find her good foraging spots again. Mushrooms were money in this town. 

She was digging through the shed when she heard footsteps outside. He’s here, she thought. Gemma peeked through a dusty window. There Alex was, in that old letterman’s jacket he got from being on the gridball team at their high school. The green and yellow was slightly faded. The leather hugged his shoulders the way a jacket would when you had worn it for ten years. He was still wearing it? She wondered. As she watched, he peeled it off and draped it over the shipping container. Alex’s white t-shirt contrasted his tan complexion in a lovely way. She found herself watching a little too intently and decided to get out there and get it over with. 

“Hey,” Gemma said, giving Alex an awkward wave. 

“Hi,” he said stiffly. “Evelyn said you needed help.” 

“She was kind of insistent…” 

He looked around for a moment. “Yeah, I’d say you kind of need some help.” he said with a pained smile, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Yeah, I feel like that’s kind of an understatement…” She said, laughing awkwardly. Alex smiled and chuckled. 

“What do you feel comfortable doing?” She asked. 

“Whatever you need help with, I can handle it.” 

“Well, I’ve been chopping trees…” 

Alex went to inspect the latest stump she had created. The base of the tree was shredded. Gemma’s accuracy had began to fail as her strength waned. It was obvious in the haphazard cuts all over the stump. She groaned. This was embarrassing. The town muscle man was here to see what a weakling she was. 

“I’m afraid you’re gonna hurt yourself if you keep doing this. Let me chop trees and you can do other stuff.” 

Alex was right, as much as Gemma didn’t want to admit it. He would have a much easier time swinging the axe. He had the upper body strength she lacked, that was obvious enough. He had been a gridball player in high school and either he had a magic ability that made his physique stay perfect for a decade or he had been maintaining it. She had to respect the perseverance that it took to stay that fit. That, and he was here to help her, with no grab for money or anything. She had to respect that, too. 

“Okay, if you could chop all these trees,” she with a sigh, pointing to several close to the house and shed, “that would be perfect. Thank you, Alex.” 

“You’re welcome, Gemma.” he mimicked her tone as he said it. She tried to stifle it, but it made her giggle. She went to the shed, getting them both some gloves and a shovel. She decided that the weeds in front of the house had to go. They looked terrible, and she needed the space to plant all of the seeds she had so brazenly purchased… She tried to remind herself how delicious spring cauliflower tasted when grilled. The work would be worth it, she thought. 

Gemma was working with the shovel, but she discovered quickly that the tall grasses were deeply rooted. She got down on her hands and knees as she worked with a trowel, digging up what she could. Alex was right, this work was easier, in a way. The blisters on her hands said otherwise, though. Gemma refused to let on that she had gone soft from city life. Instead, she decided that the pain was worth the strength that would come from the hard work. She was good at finding the good things in a bad situation. It benefited her on many occasions. 

There wasn’t much to be said as the two worked. The sound of the axe swinging against the tree trunks was almost rhythmic and Gemma felt herself getting lost in the work that she was doing. After living and working alone for so long, it was almost nice to have someone to work alongside with, even if that person was Alex. Gemma thought that maybe she could warm up to him if things continued this way- just two normal people working together to achieve something. 

In the meantime, Alex was swinging away at the trees. For awhile, he worked quietly. He had fell several trees before it became apparent that he was getting tired too. With each swing, he would grunt, until he was practically yelling every time he swung the axe. Gemma stopped to watch as he swung it like a madman at the base of an enormous maple tree. Alex seemed hypnotized as he swung at it until it fell. Dropping the axe, he wiped the sweat from his face with the hem of his shirt. 

“You okay?” Gemma asked quizzically. 

“Oh… yeah. I just… that felt really good!” He said, laughing. “That was a way better workout than what I get at home with just my weights.” 

“Well, feel free to come by anytime and chop away… I’m terrible at it.” 

“Not terrible, just tired.” he extended a hand and pulled her to her feet. 

“Come inside, I’ll get you some water.” she said. Alex rolled his shoulders as he walked and Gemma massaged her aching fingers. As they approached the house they discovered Storm laying on the porch and panting away with happiness in the sun. 

“Stormy, get out of the way,” Gemma grumbled. 

He hopped to his feet and stuffed his nose in Alex’s palm. After several happy snorts, he turned his body to lean against Alex so that Alex could scratch his tummy. The husky mix panted away like that was the best moment he had ever had as a dog. “It’s just so weird, how much he likes you…” she muttered. She felt herself get a little jealous, but Gemma quickly realized how stupid it was to be jealous over a dog. 

“You say that like I’m not a likeable guy,” Alex said, feigning sadness. He pursed his lips as he crouched down to scratch behind Storm’s ears. Alex smiled as she pet Storm. 

“I didn’t mean it- that’s not…” Gemma stuttered, blushing. “Fuck,” she said with an exasperated laugh. 

Alex just grinned at her. “It’s cool, don’t sweat it. I can forgive you this one time,” he said flirtatiously. “Seeing as you’re so cute. I always forgive cute girls.” 

Gemma groaned. There it was. She was hoping that was just his awkward way of saying hello, but now it seemed like that was just his personality. She missed the goofy boy in high school who didn’t hit on everyone and was always ready to make a joke. “Goddamn, man, you haven’t changed since high school. Do you always act this gross around girls now?” 

“Listen, I get tons of girls. I’ve got game. I don’t need you,” he said confidently. At this point he had stood up and looked down at her. Their height difference was suddenly obvious. She felt like she was standing up against a titan. 

“I had hoped this stupid macho bullshit wasn’t gonna happen today. Does your sweet grandmother know you treat girls so poorly?” 

“Hey, DON’T fucking bring her into this!” he growled. He threw the axe down, the blade splitting into the soft earth. “At least I have a sweet grandmother to come home to. Who have you got looking after you?” He snapped. Gemma stood there with her mouth hanging open. She couldn’t believe the low blow he had just taken. It made her heart ache. 

And with that, he was gone. He had his letterman jacket over one shoulder and he was storming away. Gemma was happy to see him go. 

“Fuck you!” she called as he walked off. Gemma could feel her heart pounding in her ribcage like a wild animal thrashing in a trap. She sat down against the door frame and took a deep breath before the tears started streaming down her face. Storm nosed her hand until she lifted it, where he laid his head on her lap and whined. 

“He’s wrong,” she hiccuped. “At least I have you.”


	3. Chapter 3

Alex could feel his heartbeat in his ears. That vein in his neck pulsed, tight against the skin, as he walked home from Stills Farm. The nerve of that girl. He was complimenting her. Every girl he had encountered before that enjoyed being called cute. Haley fucking loved it. He couldn’t understand how it was horrifying enough to threaten telling his grandmother. 

If it wasn’t wrong, then why would he be afraid of Gemma mentioning it? Was it wrong? 

He let out a loud, exasperated sigh and clenched his hands into fists. There was no way. There was no way that the way he had acted was “macho bullshit”. He threw the door to his house open and stormed down the hall. 

“Don’t slam the door!” George yelled after him. 

“Sorry!” he yelled angrily. Alex made sure that he closed his bedroom door closed more quietly than the front door. He felt like the last thing he needed right now was someone coming down the hall to nag him. He pulled his jeans and t-shirt off and put on some basketball shorts instead and dropped down onto his weights bench. He cursed under his breath as he worked the same muscles he had used to chop trees at the farm. His shoulders were screaming at him. 

The pain was satisfying in a weird way. Gratifying, even. The harder he worked, the more his anger subsided. Each rep was like peeling a layer off until there was nothing but logic left. Alex hated how his emotions got the better of him on a daily basis. Anger, happiness, sadness, they all were there, and they all had a firm grip on the reins. Feelings got him in far too much trouble for his own good. The burning sensation in his back and arms masked it. The bigger Alex got, the more in control he felt. 

So why, when the hour was over and the layers of rage were gone, did he still feel anything? It almost sent him tipping over the edge again. He would’ve kept going, but Evelyn called down the hall to him. Something about dinner. Now that Alex thought of it, he was starving. He forgot to eat when he came home. Alex hoped it would be something good as he pulled a shirt over his head and walked down the hall. George was still sitting in front of the TV. 

“Gramps, let’s go, Gram made dinner.” 

He just grunted. 

“Don’t be that way, pops, come on, let’s go.” 

George stared off sullenly as Alex pushed him into the kitchen. The head of the table was always empty. George would always have that seat as far as Alex was concerned. George hated it. He would often complain that he didn’t belong there anymore, that Alex should sit there. George groaned as Alex parked his chair there. 

“Hey, old man, you can sit outside if you want.” 

“Smart ass,” George grumbled before smiling a little. 

“I see that, you can’t hide it,” Alex said with a grin. George quickly changed to a surly expression, furrowing his eyebrows at his grandson. 

“I made your favorite. You must be so tired after working at the farm,” Evelyn said, setting a steaming plate of salmon in front of Alex. She had also made some mashed potatoes and cooked greens. Alex’s stomach churned… not of hunger. A different feeling. Guilt. 

“Thanks, Gram.” He said, tucking into his dinner. 

“The farm? Stills’ old place?” George asked. 

“Yeah,” Alex muttered. 

“His sweet granddaughter Gemma took over,” Evelyn said happily. “You should see her George, she’s grown up so much.” 

George grunted. Alex’s stomach churned again. There was no way he could be feeling guilty because of that. Because of her. She’d had it coming when she brought up Evelyn. Where Gemma got off on thinking that she would sully Evelyn’s opinion of him, Alex had no idea. Evelyn didn’t deserve the worry that would come with that. She didn’t raise an asshole. 

“Alex?” 

“Huh?” 

“Wasn’t it nice to see Gemma again?” Evelyn said happily. 

“Oh. Yeah. She looks really different.” Alex said. 

“Such a beautiful girl. So polite,” Evelyn said. 

“Don’t,” Alex said. He knew where she was going. Evelyn did this with nearly every girl in town. 

“Sweetie. You deserve someone as lovely as you are,” she said. 

“Boy’s gotta move out someday,” George grunted. 

Alex stood up from the table. “I’m full. Thanks, Gram, it was delicious.” He set his plate in the sink, grabbed his jacket, and headed outside. 

He still felt guilty. 

Wednesday, guilty. It wasn’t his fucking fault that she flipped out. 

Thursday, guilty. Alex realized it might be inappropriate to try to hit it off with girls he hadn’t seen in ten years. 

Friday, guiltier. Alex realized it was definitely a power play and he shouldn’t say shit like that anymore. 

Saturday came and he still felt the same. His body ached. Alex’s workout sessions were helpful, but when the only time he could really think was when he was exercising… He had spent a lot of time exercising over the last few days. Alex had come to realize that what he had said was inappropriate. She hadn’t shown any interest at all. He didn’t even know if he wanted to be with her that way. Ever since high school, Alex had responded well to the attention he got from women. He had probably let his ego get the best of him. 

As it turned out, there was more to it than just being attractive, even he knew that. Evenings spent with Haley usually left him craving more than the attention he received from her that he received based on his good looks. He wanted someone he could talk to. Maybe Gemma felt the same way and that’s why she got so mad. Maybe she had a boyfriend and Alex was just being a dick. 

He would figure it out eventually. For now, he stood by his house, tossing a gridball, waiting patiently. He knew that Gemma would run by at some point this morning. She ran nearly every day, even the rainy days. She didn’t even use headphones, and sometimes she would be sprinting, but she was always moving at this time during the day. Alex knew he could find her here eventually. 

Alex must have waited nearly an hour. He heard her before he saw her. Gemma’s feet crunched along the dirt road at a leisurely pace. Alex was surprised she was even running at all after all the work she had done on the farm this week, but he had to give her kudos for that. He would have done the same thing. Gemma emerged, running along the trail that led between the river and his house. Her eyes narrowed as soon as she saw him. Shit, he thought. 

“Gemma!” he called. 

She turned her head to the trail and kept running, her amber hair held high in a ponytail that seemed to be waving goodbye to him as she continued to run. She wasn’t letting up. Alex couldn’t blame her, he thought, but he honestly didn’t think hitting on her earned this kind of hostility. Still, he could be wrong, he decided. 

“Dammit,” he muttered, running to catch up to her. She looked over her shoulder and upon seeing him, hiked the pace up. Gemma ran faster and faster until she was sprinting. Alex puffed as he tried to keep up. He was a gridball player, sure, but he was no sprinter. “Gemma,” he panted. 

She stopped running as they reached the beach. Gemma had doubled over, hands on her knees, as she tried to catch her breath. 

“What… do you fucking want?!” she growled. 

“I want to talk to you!” Alex said. “Was that not obvious?” 

“I got that,” she snapped. “But I don’t want to talk to you.” 

Gemma looked up at him. The fire in her eyes was intense. Emeralds on fire, he thought. Her lips were pinched in a frown. She glared at him. That was a look of hate, he thought. 

“I don’t care what you want. Leave me alone,” she spat, walking away towards the bridge. 

“Gemma, wait, please.” Alex said, trying to catch his breath as he walked after her. “I need to apologize to you.” 

She stopped in her tracks but didn’t say anything. 

“Can I?” 

“I’m listening.” she muttered. 

Alex sighed. The words he had repeated to himself in the mirror sounded awesome this morning, but the cold reception he had gotten from her wasn’t exactly confidence inspiring. 

“I’m sorry….” 

“Great, can I go now?” 

Gemma was walking away again. Alex reached out and grabbed her hand. Surprisingly, she didn’t pull away. 

“I’m sorry that I treated you poorly. You were right. Evelyn would be disappointed to hear me talk like that to a woman,” he said. His heart sank and he dropped his hand back to his side. Gemma turned around to look at him. She was unreadable. “I was really disrespectful. I have this… It’s a shitty excuse. But I…” Alex groaned as he ran his fingers through his hair and grabbed it. “I suck at talking to people. Like, really talking to people. So I just say whatever I think sounds coolest. Maybe if I just seem cool, then people won’t ask too many questions. So I’m sorry. I’m gonna try to be real with you from now on. I have no fucking clue what I’m doing. Stop me if I’m talking too much.” 

Gemma stared. She was still unreadable. Alex groaned again. This was never going to work, he told himself. She was simply going to hate him forever, and he was going to have to live with it. 

Her laugh ringed out loud and clear. She sounded like a bell; crisp and clear, with a harmonious tone. 

“Oh my god,” she said, bursting into laughter again. 

“That was not supposed to be funny,” he grumbled. 

“Was it supposed to be cool?” She said as she stopped laughing. “But you calling me pretty is not why I’m mad. So flattered that you shared with me, though.” 

“Then why the fuck are you mad at me?” He asked. He was nearly done with this by now. He didn’t know if he could take her laughing at him much longer. 

“Dude. You remember the last thing you said to me during that lovely exchange?” 

Oh. That. Alex hadn’t even thought about that. 

“God, I really am full of macho bullshit, aren’t I?” He said, disappointed in himself. He dragged his hand down his face, trying to wipe the shame off ot it. “Gemma, I don’t even know how to apologize for that. What I said was really awful.” He dropped down to sit in the sand. 

“Yes, it was.” She said, standing next to him. “I might be alone, but that’s okay, I have Stormy. And I have myself.” 

The ocean was unbelievably loud today, it felt like. The roar of the ocean was kept close by the cloud cover, he guessed. It would have been a beautiful day for the beach, had the present situation not tainted it. 

Then there was Gemma. Poor Gemma, he thought. She really was alone. He knew that she didn’t have any parents, not unlike himself. Alex was luckier, though. He still had Evelyn and George. Gemma had no one. Even if she said she had herself, that really wasn’t enough, he thought. He couldn’t imagine being alone all the time. 

“Sounds lonely.” Alex muttered. 

“Not helping,” she said pointedly. 

“Let me make it up to you.” he said. 

“How?” she asked. 

“You choose.” 

“Okay….” she paused to think for a moment. “You can rebuild my chicken coop.” 

“That’s it?” He asked. 

“You want it to be more??” She incredulously. 

“No, no, that’s fine. I’ll be over later to get started.” He said, standing. “Gemma, thank you.” 

“We’ll see how thankful you are after I critique your woodwork,” she said before jogging off. 

He nearly swallowed his tongue before he realized she meant woodwork with a hammer and nails.


	4. Chapter 4

The weather was beautiful; cloudy skies, cool temperatures, still air. The greenery of spring was flourishing and Gemma usually loved to take it all in during her morning runs. She knew it was silly to exercise before going to work in a field all day, but she needed it. She felt like she was running away from her worries and problems. She felt like she had more control when she could remove herself from them. The endorphins weren’t bad, either. 

Why was it that on this run, instead of running away from her problems, one physically chased her? She felt like she couldn’t get a moment’s peace from that boy. Just as soon as she was starting to feel better, starting to forget, his vapid ignorance brought it all crashing down again. Alex had no clue that alluding to her lack of family and support would be more hurtful than making unwanted advances… And she allowed him the chance to fix it. Why the fuck did she do that? 

That was probably why Gemma sprinted the whole way home. Her breath could not keep up with the pace, and she struggled to keep a jogging pace down the dirt road to the farm. Storm barked a happy bark as he saw Gemma, but she waved him off before plopping down on the front steps of the farm house. He eagerly licked her face and wagged his tail, begging her to play with him. 

“Stormy, not now,” she muttered. He barked at her defiantly and ran away into the grass. I wish I could be that carefree when someone did something I didn’t like, she thought. What fun it could be, boundless play every day, with a warm body to snuggle up with at night. She felt a twinge of jealousy… and then she laughed at herself. “I’m jealous of a fucking dog,” she muttered. “I need to fix that.” 

Storm came bounding back out of the grass, gripping a massive stick between his teeth. He bowed to her and wagged his big, fluffy tail. Storm’s massive tongue hung out the side of his mouth, dripping drool all over the ground. 

“You moron, you’re so lucky you’re cute… give me the fucking stick.” 

Gemma walked over to the hutch to throw the stick for Storm. It was hidden behind several overgrown trees near the road to Robin and Demetrius’ place. That needed to be cleared, too, but she would worry about that later. She took the massive stick from Storm and hurled it over her head. It flew far out of sight with the huge dog following it eagerly into the thicket. Meanwhile, she tried to open the door to the hutch to no avail. As she peeked through the window, she saw that a crossbeam from the ceiling had fallen, blocking the door. 

“Fuck, it’s a mess in there,” she muttered. Through the window, she could see that Alex would have a lot to do. A lot of the ceiling had caved in and the interior had suffered massive water damage because of it. A guilty feeling nibbled at the back of her brain, but she tried to brush it off. 

Good, I’m glad there’s a lot to do. He deserved it, she thought. It shouldn’t be easy for him to earn my forgiveness. 

As far as she was concerned, Alex could work on that coop forever and she still wouldn’t forgive him. 

Gemma had decided to keep herself far away from the hutch that afternoon. For now, she’d have lunch on the front patio and try to figure out exactly how to do that. She was chewing contentedly on a salad while she observed her progress. A lot of the grass had been cleared, but the many trees, rocks, and stumps were preventing any real growth from happening. That was what needed attention today, she decided. She did feel proud of the massive cauliflower that appeared to be growing in the center of her tiny field, though. Gemma thought of how delicious it would taste until she realized that if she was going to want to eat anything else that spring, she was going to have to sell her cauliflower giant. Bummer, she thought. 

The distinct sound of the gate swinging open derailed her train of thought. Alex was walking through, carrying a giant toolbox. No letterman’s jacket today, she thought. Just a t shirt and muscles. She frowned at herself. How could she think of that when just the other day they were flinging insults at each other? 

“Hey, Gemma,” he said, setting the toolbox on the deck. 

“Hi,” she muttered with a mouthful of salad. 

Alex put his hands on his hips and looked around. “Is that the hutch over there?” 

“Mhmmm.” 

Alex walked over and tried to open the door. At first he was very gentle with it, but quickly realized he was going to have to try harder than that. He threw a shoulder against it, which was just enough to push it open wide enough for him to stick his head in. 

“It’s a fucking mess in there,” he hollered. 

“Thank you, Captain Obvious,” she hollered back. He came back to the patio, brushing splintered wood off of his shirt. 

“Have you got a ladder?” Alex said. Gemma shook her head. 

“Are you going to say anything more than like, ten words to me today?” he said, sounding exasperated. 

“Wasn’t planning on it.” Gemma picked up her empty salad bowl and walked in the house. Alex followed, to her displeasure. 

“Come on,” he said desperately. “You’re going to have to communicate with me if you want me to fix your hutch.” 

“I never wanted you to fix my hutch.” She spat. 

“Then why did you agree to it?” He groaned. Awesome. They were fighting again. She felt like she was always fighting with him, and she had only been here in town a little over a week. It was overwhelming. Gemma hated this, she hated how there was no escape from the negativity. 

“I… I felt bad.” she said. “I thought I might have overreacted, but you really hurt me, Alex. Who says that kind of thing to another person and expects them to be fine after a simple ‘Sorry’?” 

“I don’t know!” He exclaimed. “I don’t fucking know, I’m trying here, I’m trying to make it better but you don’t seem to want it to get better. You just want to be mad.” 

“Is that so bad?” Gemma yelled. She could feel the burning sensation behind her eyes. She swallowed dryly. “I came here because the people in this town, they’re the closest thing I had to family. I was tired of being lonely. Then you had to rub my face in it.” 

The tears were burning as they filled her eyes. No, no no, don’t cry, she thought. Gemma didn’t want to cry in front of Alex. She didn’t want to cry in front of anybody. She turned away from him and furiously wiped her eyes. 

“Gemma,” he said, nearly in a whisper. “Gemma, are you crying?” 

Gemma sniffed and held herself. She felt his hand on his shoulder. 

“Gemma, I feel awful about what I said. I let my anger get the best of me. You called me on my shit, and then made it sound like you were gonna tell my grandmother. That lady…” he said, pausing for a moment. “I love that lady. She’s like my mom. I got so mad thinking about her being disappointed that I didn’t think about what I said before I said it.” 

“That makes sense…” she said quietly. “It sucks, but it makes sense.” 

“I understand why you were so upset. I am so sorry.” 

His voice sounded remorseful. Gemma felt guilty. If she had known… If she had known how important that was, she probably would have been more careful with her words. Instead, she had been inciteful and rude, as usual. It wasn’t her place to shepherd his moral values. 

“I shouldn’t have been so rude to you,” she whispered as she turned around. She could feel the redness in her eyes, but at that moment, she didn’t care. “I didn’t know, and I can’t tell you how to treat other people.” 

For a moment, they looked each other in the eye. Alex, with a guilty, forlorn face. Gemma, with tear stains and a frown. He looked even more forlorn when he looked at her face. She shyly covered it with the sleeves of her shirt. 

“We need to stop making each other so miserable,” he said, sighing. 

Gemma laughed as she wiped her eyes one last time. “But we’re so good at it.” 

“That’s a terrible reason!” he said, laughing with her. 

“Okay, you might be right,” she said. 

“You’re smiling now, does that mean we’re cool?” 

Gemma nodded. 

“Okay,” he sighed, before walking to the door. “Can I go fix that hutch now?” 

“You still want to do that!?” Gemma exclaimed. 

“I said I would.” 

And he was out the door. Gemma didn’t realize it, but her hands had been shaking. She took a deep, rattling breath, and went to the sink to splash water on her face. Alex had leveled with her and called her out on her shit in the kindest way. Although she felt guilty for their fighting, in a way, she felt relieved. It was a relief to know that she could be one of those people that came back from fights and had normal relationships. 

As for what had been said… She had never really thought about it before, but it was true. Stardew was her home when she grew up, and here she was again. Only this time it didn’t feel as much like home. Without her grandfather, it felt like there was a hole, an empty space that couldn’t be filled yet. She would have to make do, she thought. She would have to make it hers. 

“How does it look?” she asked as she approached. She could see through the doorway that he was bent over, trying to lift the beam that was blocking the door. 

“It doesn’t look good,” he said with a strained voice, as he picked up the huge log. “There’s a lot of work to be done in there, and quite a bit of the structure’s gonna have to be replaced.” 

“Oh…” Gemma said, disappointed. She was hoping to have some chickens and rabbits sooner rather than later. 

“Yeah, I think it would be better to just tear it down and build a brand new one. I could fix it, but it would need to be repaired so often it’s probably gonna be more expensive to keep than to replace.” 

“Okay.” Gemma sighed. 

Alex stood up and brushed his gloved hands together, knocking the splintering wood off to waft through the air like snow. He looked down at Gemma, who immediately looked away. She was beginning to think he would only remember her sad face, he saw it so often. 

“Hey, it’s all good, I’ll still tear it down for you and haul the wood out of here.” 

“Dont!” She exclaimed. “I’ll make something with it. A bench, some flower boxes, I don’t know.” 

“Okay….” he smiled a half smile and shook his head while dragging some of the lumber off to behind the silo. “Silly girl.” 

“What?” 

“This is trash,” he reasoned. “Why keep it?” 

She shrugged. “It might not look good, but it still works.” 

“Whatever you say…. It’s your trash.” 

Gemma helped him drag the wood over behind the silo. It would last longer in the shade of the enormous building, protected from the elements and the sun. She hoped that her side project would work out. Gemma hated the idea of losing the wood that was once the hutch her grandfather built. She was sentimental, sure, but at the same time, she felt that her sentimentality kept her grandfather closer to her heart. 

The sun was setting as they finished their task. Most of the hutch was still standing. Tearing apart the ceiling that had collapsed inside had been a massive chore, but with the two of them working together, they had managed to get most of it done before they lost the light inside the hutch. 

“Good work, Gem. I didn’t expect that from you,” Alex said, wiping his face with his shirt. 

“Expect what?” 

“Hard work. Physical labor. The girls I hang out with…. They don’t do much,” he chuckled. 

“You mean Haley. Are you two still…?” 

“Yeah,” he said coolly. “I mean, well, if you’re implying that we’re together, we just hang out.” 

“Mmmmhm, yeah, just hang out.” She said disbelievingly. They used to be all over each other in high school. They were prom king and queen. In a small town like this, she was honestly surprised they weren’t married already. 

“Haley is fine. I don’t think she’s someone I want to spend the rest of my life with,” he said, his cheeks tinted pink. “She’s a little…” 

“Bitchy?” 

“You said that, not me!” He wheezed. “She’s listening, she’s everywhere….” 

Gemma laughed. “You’re a weirdo.” 

Alex shook his head as he packed up his toolbox. Gemma felt sad to see him go. Even though they had fought that afternoon, she enjoyed having him around the farm. They worked so well together when they weren’t fighting. Hell, he even made her laugh. Alex was actually hilarious. 

“I guess I’ll see you later,” she said, masking her disappointment. 

“When can I come back and finish?” 

“Whenever, I’m always around.” 

“See you tomorrow then.” He said with a grin as he turned around to pick up his toolbox. 

“Alex,” she said urgently. 

“Hmm?” 

“Please don’t tell anybody…. Don’t tell anybody what I told you, okay?” she pleaded. She didn’t need pity from the townsfolk. Gemma could see the sad look on their faces in her imagination in every scenario. It made her feel sick to her stomach. 

Alex seemed to sense the urgency of her plea. He merely nodded before smiling at her. As he smiled, he reached for her and pulled her into a hug. Alex’s grip was strong but comforting. Gemma felt like the air had escaped from her lungs. 

“You got it, Gem. See you later.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :) I really appreciate it! You are awesome.


	5. Chapter 5

Alex stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. He had just finished his workout for the day. The hot water on his aching muscles was the second best feeling in the world. The first was the endorphins. They always kicked in towards the end of the workout and would carry him to the end. He could never get enough of the rush that surged through his blood when he hit his maximum effort. 

As he stepped out of the bathroom, he heard two feminine voices coming from the kitchen. He could see Evelyn standing at the end of the hallway, but not who she was talking to. Hearing the high pitched voice, he could immediately figure out who it was. Haley stuck her head around the end of the hallway and giggled. 

“Hey babe!” she called. 

He smiled hesitantly. Alex had kind of turned his world upside down when he talked to Gemma last week. He had never really thought about the fact that Haley wasn’t exactly the kind of person he could sit down and have a meaningful conversation with… he hadn’t even realized that was something that was important to him until he really thought about it. 

“Hey you,” he replied. She trotted down the hall to greet him. Evelyn frowned before walking away. Great, he groaned. Haley’s already pissed off Evelyn today, and she hasn’t even been here five minutes yet. Haley put her hands on Alex’s chest as she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek. 

“Why aren’t you ready yet?” she said. 

“For what?” 

She groaned. “How come you can’t remember anything?” she huffed. “It’s the Flower Dance today.” 

“Right…” he said. “Okay. I’m guessing you’re here because we have to…” 

“Match, silly. If you wear that green shirt again I am gonna lose it,” she said, holding his arm and not-so-gently steering him into his bedroom. She closed the door behind her and looked up at him, grinning. “Towel off,” she said cheekily, beginning to peel the towel he had tightly wrapped around his waist off. 

“My grandparents are here, Haley,” he muttered, gently gripping her hand and pulling it off his towel, “Knock it off.” 

“I don’t care,” she giggled. 

“I do,” he said through gritted teeth, firmly gripping the towel so it stayed around his waist as she pulled at it. 

“God, Alex, you’re being a dick. Whatever. I can’t deal with you right now. Wear the white shirt, and your nice jeans. No holes!” she hissed, and rushed out of the room. 

Haley was usually pushy. She liked to get her way. Today with the Flower Dance later in the afternoon… it meant that she was extra pushy. Alex grumbled to himself. It was just one day, he thought, no reason to break up or anything. 

Not like he could really talk to her about it. 

He put on the white dress shirt that Evelyn had already ironed and hung in his closet for him. He hated the button-up. He always had trouble fitting his shoulders, and this seemed to be the problem again. Instead of daring to wear the green he just didn’t button it all the way, leaving the top two buttons undone. He loved Haley’s attention to detail, but sometimes it meant that there was a freak-out on the horizon if she didn’t get her way. 

“Good morning, dear, did you have a good workout?” Evelyn said. “Don’t hurt yourself in there, I hate to think of something bad happening.” 

“I’m fine, don’t worry Gram.” 

“And that girl…” 

“You know her name, Gram.” 

“Haley,” she muttered. Evelyn wasn’t one to dislike people, which made Alex all the more wary. She had never liked Haley. Alex had tried working on both of them, trying to coach both of them so maybe they would be a little more tolerable of each other. They were the two most important women in his life, after all. Instead, he had gotten a lecture from Evelyn about how her opinion was never wrong, which was mostly correct… and from Haley he had received a fiery monologue on how she was perfect and didn’t need to change for anyone. 

“She is so self-centered,” Evelyn said. “Sweetie…” 

“Gram,” he warned. 

“She’s just not good enough,” she huffed. “You marry that girl and you will spend your whole life trying to please the unpleasable. Trying to go out of your way, forgoing your own happiness, just to give her more. She will never have enough. Don’t you see that?” 

“Gram…” he whined. 

“I won’t lecture you anymore. I just want you to be happy, dear.” 

“I’ll see you at the dance,” he said, leaning over to hug his grandmother. 

“See you then,” she said with a smile. 

As soon as Alex left his house, he swore quietly under his breath. She was right. Absolutely right. But how do you break off things with someone after five years? They had been together so long he forgot what it was like to be single. She was like his security blanket. He liked being in a relationship. Complacency isn’t what you should feel in a relationship, you should feel love, he thought. But did he love Haley? He loved the idea of it. Being in love. He’d never known what it felt like. He sighed heavily as he walked along the street to the edge of town. 

Who even said he wanted to break up? Evelyn, sure. She was wise, wiser than he ever would be. She wasn’t the only one that protested their relationship, either. A few other friends had come forward expressing the same concern. Alex acknowledged that he did spend a lot of time trying to please Haley, even though sometimes it did seem impossible. As he argued with himself internally, he was so engrossed in thought that he didn’t realize he’d made it to the field already. 

Alex was early, to his bittersweet relief… no Haley was present as he looked around to observe the small crowd. Some people were already dancing. He found his way to the refreshments and poured himself a cup of … was that punch spiked? Pam was here, so it was no doubt spiked. The rum burned the back of his throat as it went down. The flavor of alcohol almost always made him feel sick. He opted for water instead, fidgeting by crinkling the bottle as he turned to watch the dancers. 

Demetrius and Robin, of course, were dancing. He also saw Elliott and Leah. Sam was dancing… but who was that he was with? As soon as he saw the amber hair shimmering in the sun, he knew it was Gemma. Instead of wearing it in a ponytail as she usually did, it was braided in a crown that circled her head. A kelly green sundress surely brought out her eyes. He couldn’t tell from this distance… but he liked to imagine that it did. As she and Sam danced, her dress swirled and swayed, highlighting the curves of her body. Alex tried to find anywhere else to look, but he was mesmerized. 

Gemma saw Alex and her concentrated face changed to that of a smile. Alex’s heart skipped a beat. The dress did bring out the eyes. He wasn’t sure what he was doing as he found himself walking over to the dancing couple. Interrupt them? Why? He couldn’t decide why, he just knew he’d rather dance with her than let her dance with Sam. 

“Can I cut in?” 

Sam looked at Gemma. 

“Oh, babyface, it’s okay,” she said, patting his cheek. “I remember when you were just in middle school! That was when we graduated, right Alex?” 

Alex nodded, smirking at Sam, who was giving him the dirtiest look. 

“I bet the ladies just can’t get enough of you. Go find one to dance with,” she said as she removed her hands from his shoulders and Sam walked off to go meet with Sebastian and Abigail. Alex smiled and looked at her. What am I doing? He asked himself, as Gemma smiled, too. She put a hand on his shoulder and one in his own hand as they danced a waltz. 

“Oh, you can dance…” she said, trailing off 

“High school ballroom,” he groaned. 

“Lucky for you, the song is almost over, so you won’t have to waltz anymore,” she giggled. As she said that, the song crescendoed and changed into a light, smooth R&B. Alex could feel himself relaxing, allowing the hand that was originally placed high on Gemma’s back to slide lower. He pulled her in just a bit closer, until they were barely brushing against each other. Her hand slid from his shoulder to his chest- probably because she was much shorter, he reminded himself. 

“Lucky me,” he muttered. 

The two danced for a bit, until Gemma started cracking up. 

“What? I know I’m not doing this wrong,” Alex said. 

“No, it’s just, we were fighting earlier this season and now we’re dancing together,” she snorted. “I’m just glad we’re getting along now. I was afraid you had turned into this huge asshole while I was gone and we couldn’t be friends again.” 

“Yeah, well, I’m full of surprises, Stills.” 

“Obviously,” she giggled. 

“Dancing’s just one of them. But don’t expect cooking, I don’t do that.” 

“Oh, bummer, there goes my hopes of hiring you as a dancing chef.” 

“Weird. You’re weird,” he laughed. As the two continued dancing and chatting, he laughed more and more. It wasn’t that Gemma was a comedian or anything. His heart felt light… happy. It was nice that he could just be himself around Gemma and not have to try too hard to make her happy. She just radiated happiness- most of the time. When he wasn’t pissing her off, at least. 

“Alex! Babe, I found you, there you are!” 

Alex tried hard not to groan, but his discomfort was plainly obvious. He looked down at Gemma through the corner of his eye. She was looking him with an incredulous stare. Alex felt ashamed that he was dating a person that made him feel that way, but he had always been with Haley… she was comfortable. 

“Oh my god, Gemma?” Haley said with almost-unbelievable enthusiasm. She shrieked a giggle and outstretched her arms for a hug. “I haven’t seen you in sooo long!” 

“Hi, Haley!” Gemma said, giving her a hug. “It’s only been like ten years, no big.” 

Haley laughed. “Thanks for keeping my Alex out of trouble. He can be a handful,” she said, winking at Gemma. Alex could see that Gemma believed the charming act just as little as he did. Haley reached up to plant a huge kiss on Alex’s lips. He kissed her back until he felt her tongue slip between her lips. “Hal, too much,” he whispered. Haley shushed him. 

“Now that I’m here, we can dance. I’ll go tell Mayor Lewis that I’m here so we can start. Alex, come with me.” 

“See you,” Gemma said, smiling at him with a sympathetic expression. She walked off to go meet up with Sam. Alex felt his heart twinge with jealousy. Don’t be jealous. You have a girlfriend, she’s allowed to hang out with whoever she wants, he told himself. What does it matter to you anyways? Haley’s hand slipping into his brought him back to reality. 

“Hi, Mayor, I’m here. Let’s start now.” She said in a chipper voice. 

“I’ll gather the other dancers then.” 

Haley waited until he had walked away to turn to Alex, daggers in her eyes and white teeth glinting as she bit her lip. “Why the fuck were you dancing with her?” she hissed. 

“Gemma?” 

“Yes, Alex. Jesus. What’s your problem?” She griped. 

“We were good friends back in high school, babe. We were just dancing. I don’t see a problem.” Alex said. He felt like he was being very reasonable. 

“Unbelievable,” she hissed. 

“What’s unbelievable? You saw us, nothing was going on.” He tried to mask the chagrin in his voice, but this was frustrating. 

She stared at him, eyes narrowed. “I don’t trust you.” 

“How can you not? Since when have I ever given you a reason not to trust me??” he said disbelievingly. They both saw Lewis waving them over to where he was standing in the center of the field. 

“We’ll talk about this later. Don’t you dare bring it up during the dance, I need to focus,” she chided as she adjusted her flower crown. Haley lived for this day. Dancing as the Flower Queen in front of the entire village was just her thing. She adored the attention and the compliments she would inevitably receive from the townsfolk. They had danced as the Flower Queen and King since they started dating. Alex was an excellent dancer and Haley… Haley was Haley, so it just fit. 

“Hello all, I can see everyone’s already having a good time. We’ll start our celebration, as is tradition, with our Flower Dance. I hope you enjoy, and happy spring!” Lewis announced. Everyone applauded as Lewis turned on his ancient stereo, the song they always danced to crackling from its speakers. 

Thankfully, the dance was short. Haley focused on her movements, their dance rehearsed so well Alex could do it from memory without a second thought. She danced beautifully, even if Alex felt like she was focusing more on how she looked than how they actually danced together. He could see Sebastian and Abigail giggling as they stepped on each other’s toes. The twelve bowed and curtsied as it was over, sighing loud sighs of relief to know that the awkward public display was over with. 

“You both dance so beautifully.” Evelyn said, kissing Alex and clasping Haley’s hands. 

“I know, we’re perfect together,” Haley said, hugging Alex. “Alex makes me look so good with his dancing.” 

Evelyn gave Alex the look and walked off to go attend to his grandfather. Alex bit his tongue. Hopefully Haley was off in her own world and didn’t notice the painfully obvious disdain Evelyn had for her. Thankfully, this was exactly the case as Haley jabbered away with Emily, Leah, and Penny. 

Alex went for another bottle of water, hovering near the waterside by the water’s edge. It was quieter over here, further away from the crowd. He felt like he needed a moment to regroup after arguing with Haley. He tried not to think about it. Instead, he closed his eyes and breathed deeply, focusing on the water rushing in the river. 

He couldn’t avoid it though, her words creeping into his brain like poison. I don’t trust you. How could she say that? After five years of devotion, endless support, and help? So many nights spent working on her photography projects or rearranging her room for her. He built her the small vanity that sat against the wall facing the window. The light in that spot was excellent, perfect for putting makeup on. His blood started to boil as he thought about it. Everything told him to leave, go home, and work out until his fingers blistered. It wouldn’t be the first time he had done it. 

“Hey, are you okay?” 

Alex felt a delicate touch to his arm. Gemma. Of course. He reminded himself that he didn’t want to snap at her; it wasn’t her fault that he chose the safe thing instead of what was probably the right thing. Gemma was obviously much braver than he was. She had moved out here after ten years with… it really didn’t seem like she had anything. Storm. Some furniture. He couldn’t tell what had driven her here, but still, it seemed brave to him. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” 

“Okay. I didn’t hear, but I saw… I saw the way she was talking to you. It didn’t look very nice,” Gemma muttered. She had grabbed a fistful of pebbles and was tossing them into the river, creating ripples that had disappeared almost instantly. Her face, again, was unreadable. Alex was beginning to believe that she practiced that face in the mirror at home. 

“I’d rather not say,” he said quietly. They stood silently by the river. Gemma, tossing stones. Alex, observing. He extended his hand to her and she dropped some of her stones into his palm, her fingertips dancing across his skin. They took turns tossing them until Alex began hunting flatter stones for skipping. He felt like his rage was a pot that was about to overboil. 

As he tossed one across the river, he snapped. “She’s fucking mean sometimes, you know.” 

Gemma didn’t say anything. She just tossed stones into the river. 

Plop. 

Plop. 

Plop. 

“I do so much shit for her. I bust my fucking ass trying to please her, and she tells me she doesn’t trust me?” 

The stones kept dropping. Gemma said nothing. 

“I just don’t fucking get it. I don’t get how I can treat her so well and she treats me like… like…” 

“Like you have no worth to her.” 

Gemma had finally spoken, and her words rang true in his head. Worth. They weren’t equals, he and Haley. She was his superior, the alpha in the relationship, leaving him to pick up her pieces and make her happy. What did she do in exchange? Sex. The sex was fine, but sex shouldn’t be a unit of exchange, not in his opinion, anyways. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK.” Each time he swore he grew louder and louder until the last one echoed across the river, stirring the birds from their perches. Alex didn’t want to turn around. He didn’t want to see what was most likely the entire town staring at him. He could feel their eyes on the back of his head. 

“Let’s go,” Gemma whispered. “Let’s get you out of here.”


	6. Chapter 6

Gemma wasn’t sure if Alex would be willing to leave the Flower Dance, especially with her. She knew exactly what Haley had been yelling at him about. She was well aware that she was the root of that issue. While she knew she shouldn’t go sticking her nose in other people’s business, she could plainly see that this was not a healthy situation for her friend to be in. Gemma was protective of her friends… Even if it did get her into trouble sometimes. 

When Alex looked at her after she suggested they leave, she knew she wasn’t stepping out of line. The guy looked like he really needed to get out of there. Flushed cheeks, shining eyes, an angry face… Gemma didn’t know what he was going to do or say but she knew that he needed to get it out of his system and a public event certainly wasn’t the place to do it. So when she suggested they go, all he did was nod. Gemma was very careful to keep a distance from Alex as they walked out, so as not to get any more of a rise out of Haley. 

The two friends walked through the forest in silence. Gemma felt an uneasy feeling, like she was doing something wrong. How was what she was doing considered wrong? She was simply getting her friend out of a bad situation. At the same time, she couldn’t help but notice how he’d pulled her ever-so-slightly closer when they were dancing. She was probably reading too much into it, she thought. That’s why she was feeling guilty, of course. 

“I’m sorry,” she muttered. 

“Why.” Alex said curtly. He only stared on as they walked in silence. The only thing to be heard was the gentle breeze blowing through the trees. 

“I probably was the one who got you in trouble, and now I’m making it even worse,” she explained. 

“Don’t be.” 

“Okay.” 

They continued walking until they reached Alex’s house. “Wait here,” he said, going inside. Gemma sighed as she looked around anxiously. The town was empty… it felt so weird. Everyone must be at the Flower Dance... hopefully forgetting about Alex’s episode, she thought. She leaned against the old picket fence surrounding a small yard outside of Alex’s house. A doghouse was in there, but she had never seen a dog. Not until now, at least. 

An old, reddish brown dog was laying outside of the doghouse, soaking up the sun. The dog was huge. She thought it must have been a Great Dane mix or something. As she looked at the dog, it looked back at her and sighed a huge sigh before closing its eyes. It had meat on its bones, thank goodness, but the dog seemed tired nonetheless. Maybe bored? She couldn’t tell. Gemma found a hole in the old fence where she could easily see and maybe stick an arm through if the dog wasn’t aggressive. 

“Hey, hey! Come here,” she said encouragingly, crawling up to the hole. The dog lifted an ear and looked at her. “Come here!” 

The old dog groaned as it got to its feet, lazily walking over to the hole in the fence. It didn’t look mean, and it didn’t look nervous either, so Gemma stuck her hand through the hole. She could feel the dog’s cold nose sniffing at her hand before pushing his head against it. 

“Aww, you’re just an old sweetie, aren’t you?” she crooned to the dog, scratching behind its ears. 

Alex’s shadow covered her and the dog. She turned around to look up at him, but thanks to the sun, all she did was nearly blind herself. She covered her eyes and squinted to see Alex smiling. He reached over the fence and unlocked the gate. The old dog came sauntering out. 

“Dusty, come,” he said, patting his leg. The old dog wagged his tail and nosed Alex’s hand, asking for pets. 

“Is he your dog?” Gemma asked. 

“Yeah, Dusty and I go way back,” he said. She noticed a gridball under his arm. “Let’s get going. Dusty can come with us.” 

“Where are we going?” 

“To the beach. No one’s gonna go there and I really don’t feel like dealing with other people right now.” 

“Do you want me to go?” She asked, assuming that she was included of the umbrella that was other people. 

“No. Come with me,” he said, walking off to the beach. She followed slightly behind, patting Dusty’s back as they walked. The walk to the beach from Alex’s house was short. He had been unusually quiet, but she wasn’t surprised. He was obviously unhappy and she wasn’t about to upset things right after they had righted them again. As they reached the beach, Dusty bounded off toward the surf. The old dog suddenly looked a lot younger as he played in the waves. 

“Dusty reminds me a lot of Storm.” Gemma said. 

“He doesn’t have the same energy that he used to have now that he’s older,” Alex said, “but yeah. They are a lot alike.” 

“How long have you had Dusty?” She asked. Alex whistled and tossed the gridball to Dusty, who jumped to catch it. He proudly ran a lap around the beach before returning to his master. 

“I’ve had him since I was twelve. My mom got him for me.” 

“Wow, lucky you. That must have been nice.” Gemma said as she grabbed the ball from Dusty. She tried to throw it, but instead, it bounced along the sand. Dusty chased it happily and tackled it so he could slobber all over it. 

“It was,” he said quietly. His face was narrowed. She couldn’t decide if he was still angry or sad. When Dusty returned, Alex sat in the sand and the huge dog flopped over in his lap. Alex laughed and rubbed his belly. Gemma sat beside him in the sand and smoothed her skirt over her legs. 

“Are you okay?” Gemma asked quietly. 

Alex didn’t answer for awhile. He simply stared off into the surf. The ocean was calm, its waves creating a comforting white noise. His eyebrows were furrowed, revealing slight lines in his forehead. She thought that he probably frowned a lot to make lines like that. It felt like an eternity before he responded. 

“My mom died when i was thirteen.” 

“I’m so sorry.” Gemma said, taken aback. She wasn’t expecting him to share such personal information. Of course, she had always known that he had lived with Evelyn and George for a long time. She had never known why. It broke her heart when she learned his situation. 

“I’ve lived with Evelyn and George since before then. Evelyn has pretty much been like my second mom. They’ve done so much for me, and she’s so important. Her opinion is the most important one. She’s a smart lady.” 

Gemma only nodded, drawing lines in the sand with a stick. Dusty had fallen asleep in the sun again, snoozing away contentedly. She didn’t want to interrupt him. Her job right now was to listen to whatever he had to say. 

“Evelyn does not like Haley.” 

“I bet that’s hard for you.” Gemma said quietly. 

“It’s not easy. It’s like, Haley has been around forever. She and Evelyn are so important to me. I hate seeing them hate each other. I’ve tried talking to them about it…” 

“They don’t really seem like the types to respond well to criticism.” 

“I’m not trying to criticize them. I’m trying to fix the situation.” 

“In their minds what you’re doing is criticizing,” she replied. 

“You’re probably right,” he sighed. “It’s just… the more Evelyn tells me why she doesn’t like Haley… I guess I’ve always seen why she doesn’t like her. I just didn’t want to admit it to myself. We’ve been together for so long, you know?” 

“It’s comfortable,” Gemma guessed. She’d never been in a relationship long enough to know what that felt like. Her longest relationship had been eight months, she had never given the guy a key to her place, never said she loved him… They just dated and screwed casually until she got bored. 

“Right,” Alex murmured. “I guess I’m just afraid to change things.” 

“Change can be a good thing….” Gemma started.The look on Alex’s face dared her to continue, which she chose not to. She decided to go down a different path instead. 

“You have to do what’s right for you. Do what makes you happy.” Gemma said. “If Haley is who makes you happy, then keep her in your life.” 

“And if she doesn’t… not that I’m saying that she doesn’t make me happy.” 

“She can make you happy and still not be right, you know.” Gemma said. “I would say someone that berates you in front of the entire town without letting you get a word in edgewise might not make you as happy as you think she does.” 

Alex groaned. Awesome, she thought, I’ve made him mad. 

“I hate that you’re right.” Alex said, to her surprise. “I hate that I’ve wasted so much time. And then I hate myself for even considering that she’s not it. The one, I mean.” 

“I don’t know about you, but I’ve always had trouble believing in fate,” Gemma said. 

Alex shrugged. “I like the idea. It’s romantic if you think about it.” 

“Dancing, romance, you’re a true Romeo,” Gemma teased. Alex elbowed her in the side before laughing at her. Of course he was the romantic type. She wasn’t surprised. She could imagine him with a dozen red roses, standing on her doorstep, proclaiming that he had always had feelings for her, and then he’d pick her up and carry her into the bedroom… 

What was she thinking? What the fuck was she thinking? 

“Whatever, I am what I am.” Alex said. 

“Do you think Haley is the one? Your fate or whatever?” 

Alex sighed. “Not as much as I used to.” 

“Maybe you should talk to her about how you’re feeling,” Gemma suggested. 

Alex stood up and picked up the gridball. “Do you know how hard it is to talk to her about anything? She’s like a brick wall. If she’s not into it, she’s not gonna talk about it. I’ve tried to talk to her so many fucking times and she just shuts off. It’s frustrating.” 

With that, he hurled the gridball as hard as he could down the beach with Dusty in tow. Gemma could hardly see where it landed, it went so far. She watched Alex as he stood there. His shoulders were sunken and he literally looked like he was in a slump. His eyes stared at the sand. She could see how desolate he must have been feeling, and a pain shot through her heart. 

“Alex, I am so sorry,” Gemma said, hopping to her feet. She gently touched his arm. “Is there anything I can do?” 

Alex recoiled from her touch as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 

“Sorry. I don’t think there’s anything you can do,” He muttered. “Unless you can either break up with Haley for me, or find some way to get me to stop thinking about it.” 

“I have the best idea. Meet me at my place in fifteen minutes!” she said, prancing off towards the bridge. Dusty chased her, barking. “And wear your running shoes. And bring Dusty! He’ll enjoy it too!” 

____________________________________________________________________________ 

Alex digged through his closet, trying to find the running shoes he had worn for team practice in high school. Weight lifting was his thing, but running… cardio was a different story. He’d always pick the bench over the track. It wasn’t that he couldn’t run…. He just didn’t want to. He reminded himself that Gemma was just trying to be helpful when she suggested it, not that she was trying to make him suffer through a lap around town. 

He laced them up and made his way to the farm. Everyone was still at the dance, thank God. He could only imagine the awkward confrontations. The music was playing pretty loud in the field. Maybe no one noticed? Yeah, right, he told himself. Everyone probably saw that. 

Dusty trotted ahead of Alex, his tail held high in the air, as he patrolled the new territory. Alex’s heart was lifted a little to see his old friend so happy. He hated how George didn’t allow the dog inside. Alex felt guilty every time it rained, so he had built a doghouse for Dusty. It still wasn’t the same, though, and he wished he could do more. 

As they approached the farm, Dusty smelled Storm and ran off through the open gate. To Alex’s chagrin, he quickly realized that Dusty hadn’t met another dog since his littermates. He jogged after Dusty, trying to get there so Gemma wouldn’t have to separate two hateful dogs and get hurt in the process. 

“Dusty!” He called sternly. Luckily, Dusty was already sniffing and wagging his tail as he was nose-to-nose to Storm. 

“They’re getting along famously,” Gemma said, laughing at the dogs as they zoomed around the clearing together. The crops had already been harvested before the summer, so they had lots of room to run. Alex was blown away as he realized it had already been almost an entire season since Gemma moved here. He had spent a lot of time on the farm felling trees and clearing out that ancient hutch. 

“Good, I was a little worried.” Alex laughed. Gemma shook her head at him and smiled. 

“Are you ready to go?” 

“I would be lying if I said I was looking forward to this,” Alex said with a grimace. 

Gemma just smiled, her emerald eyes glinting at him evilly. She chuckled at him before bending down to put Storm’s collar on. 

“Let’s go,” she said, jogging off towards the road to Robin’s house. Alex took a deep breath before running off after her. Gemma set a steady pace as they jogged up the hill, which felt a little bit like murder. He tried to remember all the advice his gridball coach had given him about running, but all he could remember was to just breathe. She slowed down a bit as they passed Robin’s. 

“I’m sorry, I was going way too fast back there,” she said effortlessly as she jogged. The dogs led the way, happily panting and prancing like this was the easiest thing in the world to them. 

“It’s okay…. I just lift a lot… not a lot of running.” He panted. 

“So you’re in shape, it’s all good. Just breathe and count.” 

“Count?” 

“Yeah, it helps you take in more oxygen, plus, you don’t think about much else while you’re counting.” 

“How do I count my breaths?” 

“However you want.” 

Gemma kept a slower pace as they ran up the trail to the old mine. Alex felt a hot sensation in his lungs as he ran… the burn. This was the burn for running. He breathed through it, counting slowly. As he breathed, he felt his body relax into his stride and his speed gain. This must be what she runs for, he thought. This burn. It pulsed in his muscles and rooted deeply in his lungs in such a satisfying way. Soon, he was passing Gemma as they looped around the tree outside the guild and came back around towards Robin’s again. 

“You’re getting it,” she panted, “Now we run faster!” 

She took off faster than she had started. Storm barked at her as he chased her hot on her heels, and Dusty wasn’t far behind. She looked over her shoulder at him and smirked as she ran. Her face was flushed and her eyes was bright. He’d never seen that look on her before, not on any girl, to be honest with himself. It was almost like she was toying with him, egging him on. His legs were longer than hers though, so it didn’t take any real effort to speed up enough to catch her. They ran together past the community center and into the plaza before he realized that he could easily beat her at her own sport. 

“Race you,” he called, before setting off as fast as he could go. His legs felt like they were on fire, as did his lungs, but he knew he had to pass her. He had to beat her. He had to show her that he was just as good, if not better. Alex’s competitive streak burrowed in his brain, egging him on. He had the lead past the clinic and down the road until he heard her coming in hot behind him. 

“No!” He shouted, trying to maintain his sprint, but it was no use. Gemma had been running so much longer than he had. She obviously had the advantage here. It was apparent as she effortlessly passed him. As she got to the porch of her house, she jumped up and down and did a little dance. 

“I beat you, I beat the gridball player…” she sang. 

“I was so close, so close…” he sneered. 

“Because I wanted you to really taste it when you lost,” she giggled. 

“Well, mission accomplished, ass!” 

He bent over to rest his forearms on his knees, gasping for breath. 

“Don’t do that, you’ll pass out, sit,” Gemma said, pointing to the porch. Alex sat and caught his breath as he watched the dogs. They were laying in the shade of a large oak tree, panting away happily. He saw how happy his dog was, being out of the kennel and playing like dogs should. His age didn’t show when he was with Storm. Alex tried to ignore the guilt that shot through his brain. 

Gemma came back out of the house with two huge glasses of water. She stood, facing Alex, as she slurped her water down. Even though Gemma was thin, she looked so different from Haley. She had muscles on her bones beyond just the runner’s legs. She was muscular and athletic. Alex caught himself staring and shook his head. Why was this happening so much today? 

“Did you like it?” 

“Huh?” Alex felt like he just about swallowed his tongue. 

“Did you like the run?” Gemma said, giving him a funny look. 

“At first I hated it. But then I did the counting thing? That really worked. I could enjoy that. The running.” Alex said before chugging the glass of water. 

“Good,” Gemma said, smiling at him. “Maybe you can come with me again someday.” 

“I’d be down.” Alex said, smiling back. “If I can’t come, at least take Dusty with you. The poor guy… he was so happy today, being out of his pen. I wish he could have more time out.” 

Gemma frowned. She watched the dogs as they wrestled together in the shade, like the two miles they just ran didn’t happen. They were an odd couple, Alex thought, but they were cute. 

“How would you feel if he just stayed here on the farm with Storm and I?” 

“What?? No, you have this whole damn farm to worry about, and yourself, I can’t ask you to do that.” 

“You didn’t. I offered. Totally different.” Gemma said, putting her hands on her hips. She looked at him as if to challenge him. He had to sit and think about it. Dusty would have so much space to run and play. He’d have a friend. Alex wouldn’t be far away from him, either. He could come visit as much as he wanted to. He’d see Gemma. Didn’t seem so bad, he thought to himself. 

“Okay.” 

Gemma smiled and clapped her hands. “Yes! Oh, awesome! This will make my life so much easier.” 

“What??” Alex asked quizzically. “This gives you so much more responsibility.” 

“But now I don’t have to entertain my sixty pound husky all by myself! Dusty can wear him out for me,” she laughed. 

It was so effortless, so easy for her to do that. She had no reason to take Dusty. He was guaranteed to make her life more difficult. Alex and Gemma said their goodbyes and he made his way back to town. As he passed through the gate, he looked back over his shoulder. He just realized that Dusty didn’t even notice he had left. He stopped and smiled to himself. Gemma had called the dogs to the porch and was playing with both of them, making kissy faces and laughing at them hysterically. She looked up and noticed Alex standing there, staring at her. She blushed and waved. 

Alex waved back. He knew she didn’t do that for Dusty. Dusty never complained, never disliked his pen. She did that for him. That had to be it. There was no denying it this time. His heart felt like it was doing backflips as he walked home. How nice it felt, to be looked after, instead of being looked down upon. 

Alex decided to run the rest of the way home.


	7. Chapter 7

Gemma stood over her field, sweating. Beyond her feet, neat rows of tilled soil and a rudimentary sprinkler system lay across the wide open field that Gemma had spent the past couple of days preparing in anticipation of the beginning of summer. Alex had helped some too, it seemed like what he had said about the cathartic nature of chopping down trees was true because he had taken down almost every tree in the vicinity. Gemma had firewood and lumber for the winter already prepared. 

And fuck, was it summer. It was so hot. Her back was drenched in sweat, as were her plaits of amber hair that she had tied into a knot at the back of her head. She dropped her hoe and sighed. The smell of the air in all its humid, hot glory felt like it was taking her back in time. The summer days she spent as a child on this farm were precious. Splashing in the pond, riding Grandpa’s horse, hanging out on the beach late into the evening.. It all was brought back by the blast of heat from the sun pummeling into her back. 

It was time for a break, she decided. It was the perfect time to go to Pierre’s. It would only get hotter from here and the walk back from Pierre’s in the sun was not going to be any fun if it got much hotter. She grabbed her linen tote from the closet and set off to the shop with dogs in tow. She figured that Alex would enjoy seeing Dusty- if she saw him, that is. He usually liked to hang around outside his house at this time of day. Not that she was keeping track of his daily schedule. 

“Stay,” she commanded as she went inside the store. Gemma could see Dusty and Storm laying in the shade outside of the store enjoying the cold bricks against their hot fur. She wished she could lay out there too, but she thought that the town didn’t need to gossip about her any more than they already had. She was sure that she and Alex had been the hot topic at the Flower Dance and she definitely didn’t want to relive anything like that. 

“Afternoon, Gemma,” Pierre said. “What can I get you?” 

“Gotta plant for summer,” she said wearily. “I’m gonna need tomato, hops, corn, and blueberry seeds.” 

“You got it.” 

Abigail came out of the back of the store. 

“Hi Gemma! Man, you are either the bravest or the dumbest girl I know,” she giggled. 

“What? What are you talking about?” Gemma asked. 

“Dragging Alex off into the forest like that. Haley was livid.” She said, her eyes widening. “I’m surprised she hasn’t said anything to you.” 

“No, why would she? Alex and I are just friends. He needed help. I’m gonna help my friends if they need it.” 

“She doesn’t think you two are friends. I would watch out if I were you.” Abigail warned, rolling her eyes as she walked off into the back of the store. Gemma stared after her, feeling slightly squeamish. The thought of Haley wringing her out to dry was not a pleasant idea. Gemma hated confrontation… she hated any real outward display of emotion, really. She was still reeling at herself for the way she reacted when she and Alex had fought. 

“Don’t mind her, you know Abigail.” Pierre said. 

“Yeah…” Gemma said. I know how right she can be about people, she thought. “See you, Pierre. Thanks for the goods.” 

“You’re welcome! Come back anytime,” he said. “Bring me some of those blueberries when you harvest, they sell well!” 

Gemma was on edge as she left the store. Eager to be distracted from her thoughts of Haley’s supposed hostility, she checked to see if Alex was out so he could say hi to Dusty. The old dog must have known he was out because he bellowed and raced around the edge of house before Gemma could see if Alex was even there. Storm followed close behind. She tried to brush her flyaways out of her face before she turned the corner. 

Alex was kneeling next to Dusty and scratching his ears as Storm patiently waited his turn for pets. Gemma smiled. Alex looked a lot happier today than he did the other day, which was a relief. No more emotional outbreaks, no more drama. “Hey,” he said absentmindedly as he scratched Dusty’s belly. “Thanks for bringing my pup by!” 

“You’re welcome, he’s been having a lot of fun romping around with Storm on the farm. They have been acting like a couple of idiots,” she muttered. 

Alex stood up and brushed the dog hair off his pants as he looked up at her. Gemma suddenly felt very self-conscious about her attire; she had only worn a sports bra and some black leggings to work in the summer sun. Its warm rays were far too inviting for her to cover up underneath it. She tucked her hair behind her ear and tried to look casual. 

“Oh, hey.” Alex said, his eyebrows going up. 

“You already said that,” Gemma said, smiling at him coyly. Was he really doing that? Instead of alarmed and upset… it was kind of charming to catch his attention like that. 

“I was just surprised, I mean, I wasn’t expecting you.” 

“You saw Dusty, you had to know I was around.” 

He rubbed his neck and laughed sheepishly. “Yeah… you look good, that’s all.” 

“Thanks, I work out,” she said sarcastically. 

“No way, I had no idea.” He laughed. “Oh, I just… uh… I wanted to say thank you? For talking to me. About Haley. You gave me a lot to think about.” 

“No problem.” she said curtly. The two stood there. Alex with his hands in his pockets, looking down at the dogs. Gemma, clutching her tote bag like her life depended on it. She was flustered, she didn’t know things could be so awkward between two people. She wondered if she had done something wrong. 

“I have to go… I’ll see you later.” Gemma said, her face feeling hot. “Dusty, Storm, come.” 

“Oh, okay. See you.” 

She turned around and walked off quickly. That was awkward, so awkward. They weren’t awkward. She was. She had just there when she should’ve brushed it off like nothing had happened, like he wasn’t looking at her like that. Still, she felt a little proud of herself. It wasn’t often that she felt that way about herself, like she was someone worth looking at like that. 

The afternoon was spent planting her seeds carefully. She’d spent most of the day before drawing out her plot and carefully choosing where to plant everything. The farmland was so… flat. It was hard to find shade that the tomato plants would inevitably need while finding the sunniest spot on the farm for the corn. Gemma gave up. She’d have to build something to shade the tomatoes with. 

She was elbow deep in the shed, digging around, trying to find something that her grandfather would use to shade plants… She vaguely remembered a drop cloth that was something he used. There it was. Green, dirty, and wrinkled, it was definitely large enough to shade the two dozen tomato plants she had planned to grow. Planned, she reminded herself. Who knew how well that would turn out. 

Next were the structures that the hops vines were to grow on. It was exhausting, trying to raise all of these structures on her own, but satisfying when it was accomplished. So much for her run tomorrow. She would be far too exhausted by the time all of this was done. Gemma had no idea how her grandfather did this for so long into his old age. 

She felt guilty that she hadn’t been there to help him. In the ten years she had been gone, he had only lived five of those years before he had passed… Gemma had only seen him once in that time, and that was when he was on his deathbed. It tore her heart apart that he had nothing but kindness and love to show her, even after how she had left. It tore her heart apart to think of it again. 

Maybe it was the heat, maybe it was her tired, aching muscles, but big, fat tears rolled down her cheeks as she sat on the ground, leaning against a post she had just planted in the ground. She curled her arms around her knees as she hugged them close. She cried harder as anger was directed inward. So much for a drama-free day, she thought. 

Then again, it was about time she had come to grips… or at least, that she would begin to come to grips. Come to grips with the fact that she didn’t have a chance to say how sorry she was, how much she had missed him, to say thank you for all he had done for her. Gemma caught her breath as the sun began to set just below the tree line. 

The dogs barked loudly as the gate creaked open. 

“Gemma?” A masculine voice called. 

Fuck, she thought, as she feverishly wiped tears from her face as quickly as she could and jumped to her feet. 

“Hey,” Alex said, walking up to her. He had a massive bag of dog food slung over his shoulder. It had to be fifty or sixty pounds, but he carried it effortlessly. 

“Hi,” she said, trying to mask a sniffle. 

“I brought some food for the dogs, I figured it was the least… Are you okay?” He said. He looked puzzled. Gemma nodded her head quickly. 

“I’m fine, I’m just a little tired.” 

“Do you need help?” Alex said. 

“No, I can… I can handle it.” 

Alex looked at Gemma for a long time. He must be trying to figure out what’s just happened, she thought. She tried to keep her face unreadable, which she normally was so good at, but her face fell. 

“I’ll ask one more time if you want.” he said quietly. 

“I just don’t want to need the help…” Gemma muttered. “I need to be able to do this on my own, but I can’t. I just don’t understand how he did it…” she sighed heavily. 

“Ben?” 

Gemma nodded. 

“I just… think about how he had to do this alone. I feel so guilty. I hate this.” The waterworks had started again. the hot tears rolling down her face stung what she realized was sunburn skin. 

“He had all of us, he wasn’t alone. I helped him lots of times, don’t worry,” Alex said. 

“It should’ve been me.” she stuttered. 

“Listen, you can either beat yourself up about this or you can honor his memory by busting your ass.” 

She took a shaky, deep breath and nodded. “You’re right, okay.” She took another deep breath. Gemma felt a sense of appreciation for Alex’s can-do attitude. She needed a kick in the ass at that moment. 

“Will you let me help you so you don’t overwork yourself?” He asked with a stern tone. 

“Yes,” she said begrudgingly. She wiped away a tear. 

“And Gemma,” Alex murmured. He pulled her into a hug. His chest was warm and the worn letterman jacket was soft against her skin. He smelled lovely, she realized. Like spice. Gemma, in a moment of clarity, hugged him back. 

“Don’t be so hard on yourself.” 

Gemma’s body screamed at her the next morning. A crack of thunder brought reprieve… no hard work today, she thought. The sky was doing her work for her. She took a moment to breathe deep as she enjoyed a moment of laziness. Her bed was begging her to stay in it, and she really considered it for a moment until she realized that there were lots of other things she could do with her day. 

A cup of coffee was her minute, her precious minute, as she dreamed of all the things she could do with a rainy summer day. There was the beach… she could always fish. Grandpa had the best luck for fishing on rainy days. There was also that abandoned mineshaft that seemed to be teeming with hidden treasures. There was also the option of running around, sharing her massive harvest of parsnips with the townsfolk. As she finished the dregs of her coffee she knew it would have to be the last choice. She had spent too much time avoiding the awkward questions and conversations. 

She happily slipped into a more comfortable pair of jeans than usual and her favorite rain boots as she geared up to go outside. Rainy days must be the best days for farmers, she thought, as she excitedly scooped up her backpack full of parsnips and headed outside. 

To her own personal hell. 

Everything was trashed. The shade structures, the hop trellises… even the ground had been ripped and torn up. Her heart felt like it was going to explode as she saw it. Someone… someone had done this. This was no animal. No animal would take shovels full of dirt and throw them in the pond. There was no way an animal could carefully tear her shade cloths into ribbons like that. This was a personal, hateful endeavor. 

Gemma survived the minute of devastation and tried to logic her way through the situation. Why? Why would someone have done this to all of her hard work? She hadn’t done anything to anyone. She wasn’t the type to get that involved in other people’s business… except Alex. That man seemed to have a way of getting her involved in his business, though. She had resigned herself to it and began to accept it after yesterday. Her blood boiled as she realized the only person who would stoop low enough to do something like this. She took a deep breath as she walked through the gate to town. She was at a run-walk pace by the time she got to the door, though. Gemma’s bruised knuckles ached as she rapped on the door. 

“Oh, Gemma dear… what can I do for you?” Evelyn said with a smile. 

“I need to talk to Alex.”


	8. Chapter 8

Alex woke suddenly to the sound of a gentle knock on his door. “Alex, dear, are you awake yet?” Evelyn called through the door. 

“I am now…” He groaned. Rolling over to look at his alarm clock, he groaned again. “Gram, it’s only 7, why are you waking me up?” 

Evelyn cracked the door open and Alex yanked the sheets up to his chin. He was about to begrudgingly ask her to leave but she looked very concerned. She sat on the edge of his bed and shook her head. 

“It’s Gemma, she came over here looking for you, sweetheart.” 

Alex tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes. It was very weird that Gemma was here so early in the morning. What could she want from him? If she was here to ask for help this early in the morning, she had another thing coming. He wasn’t in the mood. 

“Tell her it’s way too early to be asking for help.” 

“She seems very upset. She needs you, dear. Something to do with the work you two did yesterday.” 

“Okay, give me a minute.” 

Evelyn patted his knee and shuffled out of the room. He stretched out from toe to fingertip as he tried to wake himself up. It wasn’t much earlier than he usually woke up, but the dark shadows the rain clouds cast making his room even darker made him want to stay in bed. He crawled out of bed and awkwardly tried to shove his morning wood into his boxers and a pair of pajama pants before leaving his room. 

“Thank you, Evelyn, I’m so sorry to be bothering you so early.” Gemma said as Evelyn set a cup of coffee down on the table in front of her. 

“Alex, dear, breakfast? Gemma, can I make you some, too?” 

“Yes, please, Gram,” He said, kissing the top of her head and giving her a hug before sitting down at the table across from Gemma. She was smiling at him warmly. The way her eyes twinkled at him had Alex smiling back at her. 

“That sounds really lovely, I haven’t had a hot breakfast in forever.” Gemma said, her face slightly flushed. “Listen, Alex…” 

“Breakfast first,” he grumbled. He was still feeling sleepy. “...if that’s okay.” 

Gemma nodded, sipping her coffee. Evelyn already had breakfast going, like usual. Ever since he moved in, she always insisted on cooking him breakfast. It was never simple, either. Eggs, grits, bacon, pancakes…. Evelyn always made enough food to feed a small army, and Alex usually consumed about that much. This morning it was a stack of fluffy pancakes, bacon, and eggs. A complete breakfast. 

“Gram, you’re too good to me, thank you.” 

“Thanks, Evelyn, this is wonderful.” 

“It was no problem, dears,” Evelyn said, winking at Alex before leaving. He gave her a bemused look. 

“Evelyn is so kind. She didn’t have to make me breakfast,” Gemma said. “Especially after I kind of barged in here looking for you.” 

“She’s the best. I’m really lucky to have her around.” Alex beamed. The two ate their breakfast together in a comfortable silence. Alex usually ate alone, save for dinner. It was nice to have company so early in the day. “So what happened with last night’s work? Did the posts not get planted deep enough? I bet all this rain made them sag...” 

Gemma’s face fell and she lost interest in her breakfast. “It’s all ruined, Alex.” 

“Very funny. Seriously, I can fix a post if it came loose. It’ll be a quick fix,” Alex teased with a chuckle. That is, until Gemma didn’t laugh. Or smile. The look on her face… it was almost like her poker face, except that this time it was hollow. “What happened?” 

“Someone ruined it all. The ground is all dug up, the shade cloth is torn to shreds, and the hops trellises are smashed to pieces. I don’t know how I will be able to replace it all. The seeds are already planted. It’s not like i can dig them up and rearrange them.” She sighed heavily through her nose. “I just don’t understand why someone would do this. I don’t do shit to anyone. I mind my own business.” 

“You sure as hell do,” he said, breathing deeply to try to fend off the anger that was bubbling in his brain. Gemma definitely minded her own business, and when she didn’t, she was trying to help someone. She was the last person who deserved sabotage, and unfortunately, Alex knew exactly who did it. He stood up from the table and tossed his empty plate in the sink, nearly shattering it. 

“Where are you going?” Gemma asked with a concerned tone. “Don’t, don’t do something rash, okay?” 

“I’m gonna go deal with this, I can’t believe that she did this.” 

“Alex, what?” 

“Haley.” He grabbed his raincoat and walked out of the house. His sneakers almost immediately filled with water as he walked quickly to Haley and Emily’s house. Alex didn’t care though. It was like the anger put blinders on him. He could only see the end goal- which was something he didn’t consider doing unless it was absolutely necessary. He just didn’t expect that moment of necessity to come so quickly. He fumbled with the doorknob as he let himself into their house. 

“Hi Alex! You’re here early,” Emily said as she did her daily yoga in the living room. She had contorted herself into some weird position. “You okay?” 

“Where’s Haley?” He growled. 

“She’s in the kitchen…” Emily said, rearranging herself and sitting on the mat. Alex stomped into the kitchen to find Haley sitting and eating her breakfast. She gave him a meek smile and waved. Her non-reaction made his blood boil even more. He didn’t understand how someone could be so heartless and hateful and then put on such a happy, fake face. That was his tipping point. He couldn’t be polite about this, there was no way anymore. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” He bellowed. 

“Don’t swear at me,” she hissed. “Where have you been for like the past week?” 

“Thinking.” 

She laughed. “Thinking? You don’t think. You should apologize to me for ignoring me.” 

“You… you trashed Gemma’s hard work. My hard work. You’re the one who should be apologizing.” 

“I just thought she deserved to learn a little lesson. You did too. You don’t blow me off for some other girl. I can’t believe you. Do you really think you can walk all over me like that?” 

Alex closed his eyes and balled his fists. Unbelievable. She was incredibly unbelievable. Her skill at turning a situation around to make him feel bad was incredible, and it wasn’t until now that he was finally able to see how easily she manipulated him. It was unbelievable that she, for a second, thought that he was the one walking all over her. He almost laughed. 

“Fuck you.” he whispered. 

“What did you say to me??” she hissed as she stood up from the table. 

“You heard me. Fuck you. We’re done.” 

Alex left as swiftly as he had entered. The rain was really coming down. He had to pull his hood up to make sure the gel in his hair wouldn’t get soaking wet and be impossible to fix later. The angry roar that was rising in his throat was difficult to quell. He just felt so angry, so hurt. What was even worse was that it was Haley that had made him feel this way. This is what betrayal felt like, he assumed. 

“Come back here! Alex!” Haley said, coming out of the house. She was still in her pajamas. 

“What do you want?” 

“Baby, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that,” she said, hugging him. Alex didn’t dare move. He didn’t know what he would do if he lost even an ounce of the little composure he had left. Haley clung to him like a leech. Her grip was firm and her feet planted solidly. Even if he wanted to move, he would have to wrestle her away first, and he didn’t feel like giving her an excuse to harass him with an assault case. 

“I’m so sorry, I love you, please don’t go,” she said, sobbing dry, theatrical sobs. “I need you.” 

Haley was still holding onto him as the gears slowly turned in his head. Love? She’d never, ever said that to him before. She loved a lot of things- he knew because she was always babbling about it. He’d never been on the receiving end. Alex’s heart felt like it was shattering from hate and heartbreak. 

“You’ve never said that to me before.” Alex said quietly. 

“Well, I do baby, I was just saving it for a special occasion,” she said, smiling at him. She seemed convinced that she could work him back onto her side. 

“Haley…” Alex said, putting his hands on her shoulders. She put her hands on top of his. She was really working it now, he thought. If it had been any other time… if she had done this to anyone else… Alex probably would have forgiven her. But Gemma? And himself? She really was fucked up, he thought. 

“We’re done. Touch the farm again and I’ll make sure Gemma has the best lawyer to sue your ass with.” He whispered, dropping his hands and walking away. He could hear her yelling his name as she walked away. Alex didn’t even bother to turn around to look at her. As much as he thought it would be satisfying, part of him was sad to see her go. 

The little wind chime Evelyn had tied to the doorknob jingled musically as he opened the door. He was surprised to see that Gemma was still sitting at the kitchen table. Evelyn was sitting across from her with her morning cup of tea, holding Gemma’s hand and smiling as she whispered something under her breath. Gemma was smiling and nodding back, but turned around to see Alex. She looked at him expectantly. 

“Alex, boy, you take those sneakers off, your grandmother just mopped that floor,” George hollered from the living room. Alex hastily took them off and set them outside under the eaves to hopefully dry someday. The ladies in the kitchen watched him quietly as he walked back inside. Alex carefully hung his raincoat on the coat rack and sat down at the table with the two women. Evelyn hopped up to grab the coffee pot. 

“You are absolutely soaked, dear, what happened?” Evelyn said worriedly. Her hands shook as she poured coffee into Alex’s coffee cup. 

“Gram, what’s wrong?” Alex said, looking to Gemma for an explanation. She merely blushed and looked down into her coffee cup. 

“Nothing, Gemma and I were just talking,” She said in a singsong voice. Great, she was never going to tell him what they were talking about. He just hoped it was nothing embarrassing. 

“What happened? Tell us, dear,” Evelyn said as she sat back down. 

Alex took a deep breath. What had just happened, what he just did, he couldn’t believe himself. He called Haley out. That was a first. He also stood up for himself. Another first. He broke up with her. That, perhaps, was the most unbelievable of all three. 

“Did you go over there, dear?” Evelyn said, patting his hand. 

“Yeah. I did.” he choked. 

“And…?” Evelyn said. 

“I broke up with her.” 

Evelyn covered her face. He knew that she was happy… she had great dislike for Haley. He knew her better though, he knew that she would be supportive and not show how excited she was that they were finally broken up. She squeezed his hand gently. 

“Oh, Alex, my love. I’m sorry.” She said sympathetically. 

“Oh… after that… it’s okay,” he huffed. 

“What did she do?” 

“Trashed my farm,” Gemma muttered. 

“How terrible! That little devil,” Evelyn muttered brashly. 

“Gram!” Alex said incredulously. He chuckled at Evelyn’s slip… he hadn’t heard her call someone a little devil since he threw a gridball through her living room window when he was small. Evelyn shook her head, smiling, as she got up from the table and wandered down the hall. Gemma and Alex sat quietly. Alex took a long sip of his coffee. It burned as it went down. 

“Are you okay?” she said. 

“Yeah… I’ll be alright… she sure as hell made it a lot easier, pulling that little stunt.” he groaned, covering his face with his hand. Yes, Haley made it easier. It didn’t mean that this wasn’t hard. Despite her flaws, he thought that they had had a decent relationship most of the time they were together. He could name many instances where he thought she’d been fate. And yet… he was so wrong. Alex was glad that he saw the light before it was too late. 

Gemma’s hand gripped Alex’s fingers strongly. He looked up to see her staring him down. Poker face, as usual. She was so hard to read. She smiled a little sympathetic smile for him. 

“I’m so sorry.” 

“Thanks, Gem.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your lovely compliments and kudos!! It's heartwarming and I love you guys for reading and commenting. Finals are coming up, but I have some chapters stored that only need editing before I post. Starfire, thanks for the comment on the grammar- I'm working on that. Enjoy!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry my updating is so sporadic. I'm going to try to put up a chapter every week once I hit ten (I feel like that's a solid base of random chapter posting). Update days will be Saturday between 2 PM and 5 PM :)

Gemma woke up with what felt like a whole flock of swallows in her stomach. The day’s plans were simple, and supposedly fun. She felt like she was ghosting through her morning routine. Biscuit and coffee. Shower. Dress. That last one was a little more complicated. Gemma hadn’t been swimming in forever. She hadn’t worn a swimsuit in twice as long. She’d never shown that much skin in this town… and definitely not in front of Alex. They had intended to go to the beach together later that afternoon to enjoy the warm summer sun with the dogs. Alex had insisted that they should celebrate the hard work they’d put into restoring the farm. 

Alex seemed to weigh heavily on her mind lately. There was something about the way Alex was with Evelyn. His love and affection for the elderly woman shined through in every interaction he had with her. He really cared for her and did everything he could for her, and everything she did for him in return he appreciated deeply. They were lovely qualities, she thought. His genuine heart. His generosity. Gemma really liked those things about him. 

Swallows again. She had had luck before quashing them by thinking about something awful, like the disaster that had happened earlier last week. She had spent so much time taming it… so much money replacing what had been lost. Gemma was sad to admit that there wasn’t a whole lot to eat around the farmhouse that week, but with some foraging and penny-pinching she didn’t starve. 

The townsfolk had been so helpful, too. When Robin heard what had happened, she came by with makeshift trellises that were made of leftover wood scraps she’d had laying around her studio. Emily had brought over a patchwork shade cloth, made of various fabrics she’d had leftover. 

“I’m so sorry,” Emily said, holding Gemma’s hands. “My sister… I’m so embarrassed. If there’s anything I can do…” 

“You’ll be the first to know. This is so helpful, thank you Emily.” Gemma said earnestly. She felt bad that Emily had taken it on herself to make a peace offering on behalf of her sister. She knew she didn’t get it though, she had no siblings to compare that kind of relationship with. Maybe sisterly love was way stronger than Gemma gave it credit for. 

She needed to kill time. There were still hours before she would meet up with Alex. Gemma dreaded going outside and looking at the horrendous mess that once was a beautiful, organized crop. Instead, tomato plants and blueberry bushes tangled together as they grew out of shoddy piles of dirt. The corn hadn’t even sprouted. Gemma was positive at this point that it was the dirt the corn was planted in that Haley had tossed into the pond. Her heart broke a little as she walked out there every morning to see the mess. She couldn’t wait for fall to start. 

After wasting away the morning tending to her poor plants, Gemma pulled on her favorite cover-up before grabbing her tote. She had filled it full of dog treats, sunscreen, water, and snacks. She’d made a whole bunch of cookies the day before, but started doubting herself when she realized that Alex probably ate Evelyn’s wonderful cookies on a daily basis. Doubts aside, they were pretty good, and she was confident that his appetite would overcome any cookie judgement. 

Storm and Dusty ran laps around Gemma as they walked through the forest on their way to the beach. Bunnies and birds ran for cover as the dogs sprinted around, chasing everything in sight. Maniacs, she thought. Their spirits were uplifting, though. Gemma couldn’t help but laugh at their antics. Marnie’s cattle snorted anxiously as the dogs pranced by, barking at them. 

“Guys, please, you’re making me look bad!” She said, laughing at them. 

Storm knew it was time to return to Gemma’s side as they walked through town. The forest was for play, but he knew that he had to behave himself in town, for fear of being attached to the evil leash. Dusty wasn’t so easy to convince of anything since he’d been emancipated from the pen. He was acting particularly devilish as he pranced ahead, sniffing at everything. 

“Dusty…” she heard Alex say in a foreboding tone. Dusty’s tail drooped as he fell in line next to Storm, who gave him a look as if to say, ‘I told you so.’ Gemma smiled and shook her head. 

“Hey,” she said, readjusting her heavy tote bag onto her other shoulder. She’d packed way too much water, but better safe than sorry in her opinion. 

“You ready?” Alex chuckled, raising his eyebrows in a mildly petrified expression. 

“You ask like this is a chore. Is an afternoon at the beach really a chore?” Gemma said, puzzled. 

“No! I was really looking forward to it until I saw your giant bag. Don’t tell me you brought work for us to do,” he said as he took the bag from Gemma. 

“I can carry that,” she chided. 

“Yes, but I am a gentleman, and also, you look like you’re gonna fall over.” he snickered. 

She rolled her eyes and secretly smiled to herself. Gentleman, romantic, dancer, ass-kicker… he needed to slow his roll. Rather, she needed him to slow his roll. Things would get complicated if she really started feeling things for him. For now though, it was just fun, having an innocent crush on a friend. 

The waves were crashing and the breeze was gentle at the shore that day. It looked like they weren’t the only ones, either. Jas and Vincent were playing in the surf. Sam was sitting on the dock, fiddling away with his handheld console and making sure no one got into any serious trouble. Gemma and Alex walked slightly further down the beach away from the action. She grumbled as she realized that she’d packed everything but the towel. 

“I have to go back,” she muttered. “Forgot my fucking towel.” 

“But you packed your whole house in that bag,” Alex teased. “Kidding. Share mine.” 

The two sat close on the large beach towel. Gemma suddenly felt very self-conscious. She wondered if Sam would go off and tell the whole village that Alex was lady-hopping, going from one blonde to the next. This was different, though. They weren’t dating. Gemma had never cared about other people’s opinions anyway… she felt like she was lying to herself with that line. For the first time, she really cared about the opinions of the people who surrounded her in her daily life. 

The two quietly smeared sunscreen on themselves. The surf was the only sound they could hear from their end of the beach. Gemma’s worries were comforted by the fact that this end of the beach was actually quite cozy and private. She sighed, relaxed, as she pulled off her cover up and crawled onto her knees to rub sunscreen all over her middle. Gemma had been feeling daring when she chose the black bikini, but now she was second-guessing herself. She awkwardly tried to get sunscreen onto her back. 

“I’ve got you,” Alex said, squeezing some sunscreen onto his palm and rubbing it into her shoulders. He began rubbing the sunscreen deep into her skin and she sighed. 

“Lay down. I’ll get your back.” 

Gemma quietly obeyed as she stretched out onto the towel. Alex applied more sunscreen to her lower back. She could feel that the sunscreen was well-applied on her skin, but Alex didn’t stop. Gemma could feel him working his knuckles into the knots in her shoulders. She almost forgot to breathe. Daring, she told herself. Remember when you were daring before? She reached behind herself and untied her bikini to give him more space to work. 

Alex paused briefly after she’d untied her bikini top. Damn. Had she gone too far? She had suntanned with her top off with friends during summer trips… this was more intimate, though. She didn’t have to worry for long, though, as Alex began working his fingers along her spine until he reached her lower back, just above her swimsuit line. Gemma mmmed and ahhhed as he worked out the knots above her lower back. His hands were surprisingly soft and his fingers were strong but gentle. Alex paid careful attention to the knots and bruises she surely got from all the hard work she did on the farm. 

He carefully tied her bikini top back in place. A subtle hint he was done, she guessed. Gemma knew her face was still pink as she rolled over onto her back. Was he red too? Maybe it was just the sun. He was still hovering over her as he looked at her face. Alex always seemed to look at her like he was trying to read her mind. She secretly worried that sometimes he could. She nervously giggled as she imagined him reacting to reading her mind right now… she was thinking about more of that massage. Where it could have gone. 

“What are you laughing at?” he said quizzically. 

“You’re looming, why are you looming over me like that?” she said as she sat up. 

“I’m not looming over you. You’re just tiny.” 

“Aw, thanks, what a nice compliment.” 

Gemma crawled over to her bag to root around in search of the frisbee. She lifted it above her head as she stood up. Storm barked eagerly. The frisbee was his favorite. She threw it straight out toward the ocean, where it landed in the surf. Storm bounded into the waves and swam after the frisbee, before swimming back to the shore with it and prancing around on the shoreline with it proudly. 

“Come here, you goofy idiot,” she called. Storm looked at her and hopped into his play stance. 

“You have to give to to me. Come on.” 

He did it once more before running away into the surf. Gemma chased after Storm, much to his delight. Dusty was on top of both of them in a second, sending Gemma face-first into the surf. She could hear Alex howling with laughter. Gemma crawled out of the waves coughing and sputtering. The salty water made her mouth taste dry. She rested on her elbows as she caught her breath. 

“You okay?” Alex said between laughs. 

“Yes, no thanks to you,” she said as she walked on her knees over to her tote and got out the water. 

“Are those cookies?” Alex said, sticking his hand in the bag. 

“No, no, don’t. They’re not half as good as Evelyn’s.” 

“I don’t give a shit, I love cookies.” 

Bingo, she thought. 

The rest of the afternoon was spent laying in the sun or playing in the surf with the dogs. Gemma thought that the two of them did get along well together. No drama, no fighting. It was nice… a good balance to the rather eventful re-entry to Stardew Valley, she’d thought. She thought it was amazing how well they could bounce back into their friendship after ten years of no talking, of being apart. It was like nothing had happened. 

And Alex was so good, too. He’d been so helpful and kind. She was surprised by how he had changed over the years as well. He still had some macho tendencies- she knew he’d look when she wasn’t looking and that made her wonder if he thought about her when they weren’t together. His new rather grown-up attitude overshadowed some of the personality traits she’d prefer he left at home. 

Alex had preoccupied himself with dragging a massive, dry log out of the forest and into the fire pit. The log was thick. The muscles in his chest looked like they’d nearly pop as he tried to drag it out. Gemma admittedly quietly to herself that while he had loads of great personality… he was very handsome. Sexy, even. Alex worked hard on his appearance and while some thought it vain, Gemma realized the kind of dedication it took to maintain that level of fitness. 

“What are you doing?” Gemma asked. 

“Making a fire,” Alex said. “It gets cold once the sun sets out here.” 

“Ah,” Gemma said. “I have matches in my bag.” 

“I know. You’re like Mary Poppins.” 

“Don’t dis Mary Poppins, that lady was equipped for anything,” she teased as she fished them out. She handed them to Alex, who crouched down next to the log to hopefully get a fire started. It took awhile, but once it was going, the fire’s crackling warmth was delightful as the ocean’s chilly evening breeze came in. Gemma hastily pulled her coverup over her swimsuit and tucked her knees underneath it. She felt thankful that her coverup was a massive Metallica t-shirt and not something lacy. 

“There we go,” Alex said, sitting down next to Gemma so he could see the sun setting over the ocean. It was a hazy purple above them, but as it got closer and closer to the horizon, the sky turned red, then orange, and pink. It was picturesque… like a postcard you would buy at the beach to send home. 

“Nice,” she said. 

“Can I ask you something?” Alex said. 

“I guess by now you’ve earned the right,” she giggled. He rolled his eyes. 

“Why did you leave?” 

There it was. He was the first person to ask. Gemma was surprised that it had taken this long for anyone in town to interrogate her about her disappearance. She had to give credit to the townsfolk for not sticking their nose in her business. Alex, he could ask and it wouldn’t be nosy. She thought that she could tell him without him blabbing about. 

“It’s complicated.” she murmured. 

“I’ve got time.” 

She sighed and rested her head against her knees. “So… you don’t know about my mom, do you?” 

“No, you never said anything about her.” 

“Yeah, well, she was a heroin addict.” 

Alex didn’t say anything. 

“We were living in a hotel when she got arrested. I was five? I can hardly remember anything about it. The only thing I do remember is Ben coming to pick me up at the police station. My mom was so mad… But he didn’t want to see me go into the foster system.” 

“That’s awful.” Alex whispered. 

“The reason why I’m telling you this… When I turned seventeen, Ben came to me with all of these letters, gifts, photos… they were all from my mom. She’d cleaned up, supposedly, and wanted to talk to me. Because of the surrender though, my grandfather had control over whether or not she could see me. He didn’t even ask me if I wanted to see her. He just decided for me. Didn’t even make it to my eighteenth birthday before the anger was just so much I couldn’t take it anymore. I got so mad… I left. I packed up my things and I left.” 

Alex sighed deeply. His eyes were closed. 

“I didn’t think about it then… How much it would suck. It sucked to try to find my way in Zuzu after spending my whole life sheltered on the farm. I was nearly homeless. I stayed in a women’s shelter until I got enough money to split an apartment with another woman in the shelter. Then I got my job at Joja… that was my life for almost ten years.” 

The sun had tucked low below the horizon by that point. Alex sat with his elbows on his knees, staring at the fire. Gemma hugged her knees tight as she rested her head against one. Her confession left her feeling emotional. It was a relief… but it was terrible. She hated thinking about it. She hated thinking of how much she’d failed; leaving the farm, living as a homeless person, suffering through Joja for so long. 

“You really are stubborn, you know that?” Alex chuckled. 

“What?!” Gemma said, disbelievingly. 

“Wait, don’t go all angry on me just yet.” He said gently. “It’s a good thing, to be stubborn. You’ve had all these obstacles in your life, stuff that was shitty that you didn’t like, and you beat it. One way or another. I won’t say homelessness is winning, but it’s better than just suffering and living your life with fear. I wish I could be that brave.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean, like… I live with my grandparents. I’m 28 and I’ve never moved out. I don’t have a job. I say it’s because I’m busy with helping them…” Alex sighed. “I think I’m just afraid. Afraid of change. You embrace it.” 

Gemma shook her head, smiling. How funny it was that they desired what the other had. She would kill for more time with Ben. That wanting was almost painful. It tugged on her heart like a fish on a line. Alex wanted her bravery. Perhaps to change things? But what? 

“Why do you want to change it? Do you not like living with them?” 

“No, I love them. I love them so much. I just… I want things to be better for all three of us, I wanted to go pro for so long so I could pay the bills, give them everything they gave me, you know?” 

That was so Alex, to strive for something like that. She always thought his professional gridball player dream was a bit silly… now it made perfect sense. It was something that would make all three of them happy. Behind that tough, snarky facade there was tremendous kindness, she thought. 

“I know exactly what you mean.” 

Only embers remained as Gemma and Alex packed up by their flickering, dim light. Their conversation left Gemma with a fleeting feeling of confirmation. She never thought that someone would desire any aspect of her life. Alex openly admitted to wanting to be more like her… it was comforting. Perhaps she was a little less outlandish than she previously thought. 

The town was almost eerie as they walked through the square. It must already be so late that everyone had gone off to bed, she thought. The day had flown by, to her dismay. She’d hoped that it would’ve gone on a bit longer. The lights in the windows cast a dreamy glow about town. The only sounds they could hear were the jingle of collars and their footsteps. 

“I’ll see you later,” Gemma said, ready to summon the dogs and head home. She’d felt a little embarrassed about her story… people knew bits and pieces, but not all, and she had preferred it that way. No one really brags about living in a shelter, she thought. 

“What’s wrong?” Alex said. 

“I’m just… I’m a little embarrassed.” she huffed. “My life isn’t exactly a portrait of normal or happy.” 

“Don’t be embarrassed. You’ve overcome a lot. And you’ve never stopped trying.” Alex said wistfully. “It’s all good, I’m not judging you. My life isn’t picture perfect either.” 

“Thanks, Alex. Goodnight,” she said. 

“Goodnight, Gem.”


	10. Chapter 10

Haley bombarded Alex that evening as he was on his way to Gemma’s for an evening run. They originally ran in the morning, but with Gemma’s farm work needing to get done and the increasingly hot days, they opted for the afternoons so that she could get what she needed to get done when it was still cool. Alex didn’t mind. The valley seemed to have a different energy that he didn’t see in the daytime when the sun set and the stars came out to play. 

“Alex, please, I need to talk to you,” Haley begged. 

“What do you want?” he snapped. 

“I miss you…” Haley said, touching his hand, which he quickly snapped away. “I saw you going to the beach the other day. You’re going to regret wasting your time with her, you know.” 

“How would I regret spending time with my best friend?” 

“Oh, she’s your best friend now?” Haley teased. “So quick…” 

He felt himself growing flustered. He couldn’t let her get the best of him. He remembered the way she would twist things to make him feel guilty, or angry, or even scared. Never happy. At least she spared him that falsehood. He refused to call his friendship with Gemma anything less, anyways. They saw each other almost every day, whether they were running or working on something on the farm. It was just a bonus that Haley hated it. 

“A dozen times I’ve told you, and you always ignore me. We were friends in high school, and we’re still friends now. God, you are dense. Listen to someone else speak for a moment.” 

Haley frowned. “But she can’t give you what I can,” she murmured. “She can’t make you feel the way I can... “ her fingers hooked around the waistband of his running shorts. 

“You’re really fucking desperate, aren’t you? Go find someone else to kiss your ass. It isn’t going to be me.” Alex growled as he slapped her hand away. I need to get out of this, he thought. He jogged off, knowing that she wouldn’t follow. Thankfully. 

This hadn’t been the first time she had bugged him about getting back together. The first time she came by with flowers for Evelyn and a leek salad for George. It made his blood boil that she would use his grandparents for personal gain… luckily, George had answered the door. He disliked her shrieky nature even more than Evelyn did, and he wasn’t polite about it. 

Gemma wasn’t waiting outside like she normally was when he got to the farm. That was weird. She was usually very punctual. He knocked on the door hesitantly. 

“What? Oh, Alex!” he heard her say. The door opened with a flustered-looking Gemma behind the door. “Come in, I’m so sorry. I got caught up in something.” 

“It’s all good…” Alex said, coming in and looking around. Her kitchen was a mess. It was covered in jelly and canning supplies, not to mention the dozens of cans in her kitchen. “Having fun?” 

“Don’t, I know it’s a mess, just let me get dressed and we can go.” She rushed through her bedroom door, closing it behind her. 

It really was a disaster. Obviously, her experiment didn’t go well at first. The trash can was teeming with burned jelly. He was relieved to see that at least some of it turned out well. He was pretty sure Gemma needed a break from all the hell that the valley had seemed to bring her this season. 

That was just like her, though. To keep trying. The jelly in the trash was a testament to that. Gemma was a fighter. She was too stubborn to let things keep her down. He smiled to himself as he loaded the dirty, used jars in her sink. 

Alex just wanted to be a part of it. He wanted to be a part of the struggle. It was change, it was making something better out of a bad situation. He wanted to be on her team as she took it all on. Whether it was as a friend or something more… that’s what he was unsure of. These days it leaned more towards the latter, rather than the former. He wasn’t going to push it, though. Alex wasn’t the type to change things on a whim. 

“Are you seriously doing my dishes?” Gemma said skeptically. 

“I got bored.” Alex muttered, smiling to himself. 

“Let’s go, before you finish the kitchen and get to the bedroom…” Gemma groaned. 

“And in there is…” Alex said, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“Nope, nope, nope, nope.” Gemma said, rushing over to close the door. Alex could see her bed was covered in athletic clothes before she quickly shut the door. Is that what took her so long? Picking out an outfit? He grinned to himself as he realized that she probably did that for him. That, or his confidence was getting the best of him. 

“Okay,” she said, flipping over to scoop her hair into a ponytail. “Regular route today?” 

“I guess,” Alex said, watching her bend over. “Yeah, I could do that.” 

“Okay!” She said happily, and started jogging up the path to the mountain. He fell in stride behind her. His mind was racing faster than his feet were. What if she had done that because of him? What if she did care what he thought about her… in that way? Alex thought she was, well… what did he think of her? He knew that he felt things, but didn’t know particularly why. Maybe it was her kindness or her fiery attitude that drew him to her. The eyes. The smile. Okay, he could think of plenty of reasons why he felt that way. 

They jogged through the trails stringing along the carpenter’s shop, mine, and guild, circling around the lake, and back down. It was going by too fast, he thought. As they ran more often, he got better and better at it until Gemma could keep a regular pace and Alex could keep up just fine. That meant their runs got shorter, unfortunately. They’d already reached the plaza by the time he snapped back to reality. 

“Hey, are you listening?” Gemma said, looking over her shoulder at him. 

“Oh, sorry, what?” 

“I said I need to get heading home, so I’ll see you later.” 

“Oh.” he hadn’t even realized they were at his house. He usually ran home with Gemma… weird. She didn’t even wait for him to say goodbye, just running off like nothing had happened, dogs in tow. 

He frowned as he let himself quietly into his house. 

“Dear, how was your run?” Evelyn said, scrubbing at dishes. 

“You run now?” George asked. 

“Yeah. it’s good for me to have a well-rounded physique.” Alex explained. 

“I’ve seen that girl, you don’t have to lie to me,” George chuckled. Alex felt his face grow red. 

“She’s so nice. I’m so glad you two are spending time together,” Evelyn said happily. 

“Gram, we’re just friends.” 

“Oh, yes, I know dear. But don’t you think she’s good for you?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“You’ve made a lot of changes, good changes, Alex. You haven’t made changes like that in years…” Evelyn said, patting his chest as she walked into the living room to sit down next to George. Alex didn’t say anything. He couldn’t… she was right. Since Gemma had come into his life, he was trying new things, he had broken up with Haley… he’d felt happier than he had in a long time. 

“I guess you’re right.” he said, flopping on the couch next to her and resting his arm on the back of the couch. 

“Shouldn’t be that hard to figure out,” George said. 

“Since when were you an expert on relationships, Gramps?” Alex laughed. 

George grumbled. 

“Can we stop talking about this now?” Alex said. His brain felt all swimmy… he had a lot to think about. He stayed up for a while to watch TV until George and Evelyn went to bed, and he dragged himself off to bed too. 

He stared at his ceiling fan as he laid there, trying to fall asleep. His brain absolutely would not shut up. He couldn’t stop thinking about what Evelyn said… that Gemma was good for him. She was, for the most part. They had their differences. Although, he and Haley had had their differences, and she was terrible for him. Was he telling himself that that was what he wanted with Gemma? A relationship? 

Alex tried to imagine it in his head… being with Gemma. Having each other’s backs and getting shit done. Making money on the farm. Maybe he’d even be able to go pro. They’d be happy, really happy. They’d run together every day. They would sleep together every night, his arms wrapped around her as she curled into him, their bodies pressed together… 

The sex would probably be amazing. They were both athletic. She probably looked fantastic naked. Alex could imagine her on top, straddling him, moaning his name… his dick got hard as he thought about it. The way she looked in that bikini… Or the green dress. He closed his eyes and stroked himself as he imagined it. Gemma’s naked body writhing against his as they fucked. 

Alex’s train of thought derailed as he started thinking about holding her close after, them whispering to each other, him falling asleep inside her… Them waking up together in the morning and sharing a cup of coffee. Her green eyes, and they way they shined when she smiled. He sighed and let go of his erection. Gemma was beautiful, inside and out. Alex felt ashamed. He rolled onto his side and tried to ignore the lingering feeling of blue balls and affection for Gemma. The former, more than the latter. 

Still no sleep. This was hopeless. Normally, if he couldn’t sleep, he would simply get up and put in a couple of sets of lifting and then hopefully pass out. Tonight, that wouldn’t work. He was already exhausted… it wasn’t his body that was keeping him up this time. It was his brain. 

He hopped out of bed and quietly brewed some coffee. Alex knew that Gemma would be up. She never went to bed this early. He poured the hot, fresh coffee into two travel mugs, pulled on his letterman, and walked out the door. Alex wasn’t sure what urged him to go see her. Maybe it was for company during a sleepless night. It could have been those thoughts he was having… he just had to see her, then he would know. The romantic in him told him everything would become clear. 

Alex hustled to the farm. He was right, she was still awake. The lights were on in the kitchen of the farmhouse. The dogs must have been in there with her. He hoped they wouldn’t bark- his arrival was already weird enough. He didn’t need the dogs scaring her to top it off. Anxious nerves were clouding his brain. He took a deep breath before knocking on the door. 

Gemma opened the door, wearing only her robe. Alex’s face flushed as he realized she must have been getting ready for bed. 

“Alex, what’s going on? Are you okay?” Gemma said, looking concerned. “It’s eleven o’clock…” 

“I… I couldn’t sleep.” he stuttered. 

“So you came here?” 

“...yeah.” Alex said. 

“Okay, come in… it’s a little…” 

Alex came through the door and saw the whirlwind of papers on the table. Many of them were bills. It didn’t look pretty. Most of the papers had numbers and values written down and a calculator was all mixed up in the mess. I guess Gemma was feeling just as awake as I was, he thought. 

“I brought you some coffee,” Alex said, handing her one of the travel mugs. 

“I’m convinced you have some kind of psychic ability,” she said, cracking the lid open and breathing in the steam rising off of the coffee within. Her eyelashes fluttered as she appreciated its aroma. “I was just thinking about how much I needed coffee… and maybe a friend, too. Thank you.” 

Gemma smiled at him as she set down her coffee and leaned in for a hug. Alex quickly mirrored her movement, setting down his coffee cup and wrapping his arms around her. Gemma seemed to cling to him, holding on tight and hiding her face in his jacket. He could feel her breath against his chest. His heart was pounding. Alex rested his cheek against the top of her head and breathed in the smell of her hair. It was a delicate scent that briefly reminded him of summer flowers. Alex could feel her chest rising and falling as they held on to each other. This was it, the moment he’d been craving. His worries were set aside as his mind settled and he was able to think more clearly. 

“Are you okay?” Alex asked quietly. “You’ve been weird all day.” 

“Yeah… it’s been a hard day.” 

“What happened?” 

Gemma’s arms tightened around him. “I had to spend a bit of money to fix up the damage, and I’ve just been trying to figure out how to… ugh, how to fucking survive. It’s hard when I don’t have a consistent paycheck coming in. Just money troubles, I guess. It’s a pain.” 

Alex nodded. He wondered who would let go first… He wasn’t sure it would be him. He’d fantasized about holding her like this. Whether she felt the same way, or just needed comfort from a friend… that’s what he wasn’t sure about. He was happy to ignore that thought and just continue enjoying her delicate frame clinging to his. 

“I’m sorry, Gem. You’ll get the hang of it. The first harvest of the season is just around the corner and you’ll have some money in your pocket soon.” 

“Thanks, Alex, I hope you’re right.” 

“I am, it’s all gonna be fine.” 

“I don’t know if I could do all this without you. I’m so happy you help me, but at the same time I’m so frustrated,” Gemma muttered, shaking her head. 

“I could stop helping,” Alex suggested, his heart sinking a little. 

“No, please don’t, I really need you. And not just for the heavy lifting.” she chuckled. 

“What is that supposed to mean?” Alex asked, his heart rising into his throat. 

“I don’t want you to think that I only hang out with you for the help around the farm… God, I am so bad at this.” 

“You’re fine,” he whispered. What was she trying to say? He couldn’t let go to look at her, to try to get a read on her face which might give him a hint. She didn’t say a whole lot, she must have been trying to figure out exactly how to say it. She pulled away from him as she held onto his arms and looked into his eyes. 

“I’m just really glad to have you around. As much trouble you get me into, you keep me sane.” she giggled. 

“Good, I’m glad,” he murmured as a gentle smile enveloped across his face. Everything he’d thought that evening was swirling around his head. It felt overwhelming. Maybe, just maybe, something could work between them. Like Evelyn said, Gemma was good for him. He could feel it. 

“Now, I really need to drink this coffee, the smell of it has been teasing me since you got here,” she said, grinning cheekily and taking a huge slurp. She moaned with delight as she drank it. “Oh, it’s so good, so so good. You’re a god.” 

Alex smirked to himself as he sipped his coffee. Yes, it was just like he imagined it earlier this evening, he joked to himself.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone, for your kudos and comments... I'm glad you all are enjoying reading as much as I'm enjoying writing. :)

Alex settled deep into the cushions of Gemma’s couch, laying stretched across as she stood over her dishes, scrubbing away at jelly-covered jars. It must have been late. Alex was laughing hysterically. 

“And then we broke into the barn, remember? To try those awful cigarettes that Sebastian gave us…. He said they were pot, remember? Ben was so mad...” Gemma howled, wiping tears from her eyes and getting soap on her face. She was laughing, too. If she’d had any neighbors, they probably would have had the police called for a noise disturbance. 

“They were clove! And stale!” he laughed. 

“Such a fucking punk, doing that… We totally deserved it, though. He probably saved us from becoming huge potheads.” 

“Right. You’ve got some…” Alex said, gesturing at the parts of his face where she had bubbles on her face. She wasn’t getting them. 

“I have no idea where it is,” she laughed. “Help.” 

Alex hopped off the couch and grabbed the towel that was sitting on the counter next to her. She had her hands in front of her face and was laughing madly. She had water splashed down the front of her robe. Alex shook his head and smiled as the butterflies in his stomach went wild. She was adorable. 

“Close your eyes, I don’t wanna get soap in them.” Alex said. 

“Okay…” 

Gemma’s eyelids fluttered closed as she tilted her head up towards his face. She was grinning. Alex carefully wiped the soap suds away from her cheeks and forehead. Gemma gingerly set her hands on his chest to orient herself. The remnants of the lipstick she’d worn that day tinted her lips a faded cranberry color. He’d never noticed, but she had a smattering of freckles on her nose. 

“You have freckles,” he said. 

The skin under the freckles grew pink as her grin shrank into a shy smile and she opened her eyes. 

“Yeah, I don’t think you’ve ever been close enough to notice them…” she whispered. 

Alex sighed heavily through his nose as he licked his lips. Was this it? It couldn’t already be happening. He told himself it was the wrong time, wrong place. Did they really want to heat things up at 2 AM in her kitchen while she was doing the dishes? She deserved more than that, he thought. Alex wanted their first kiss to be something she’d never forget. He couldn’t help but notice the forlorn look on her face as he handed her the towel and stepped back. 

“It’s getting late,” he muttered. “I should get going home.” 

“Just stay here,” she said, gesturing to the couch. “By the time you get home and settled it’ll be like 3:30.” 

Alex couldn’t see the harm in it. It wasn’t like he was crashing in her bed or anything. Before he could argue, Gemma was pulling blankets out of her linen closet like she was digging for gold. 

“Fluffy? Light? Heavy? What are you into?” Gemma said, holding a huge pile of blankets. 

“You’re making it hard for me to say no.” he said, pretending to sound grumpy. 

“Yeah, that’s the point. I’m gonna give you all of these if you don’t choose.” 

Alex sighed. “I want that blue fluffy one.” 

“My favorite! Good choice!” She said, tossing it to him and cramming the losers into the closet. She tucked a sheet onto her couch before handing him the blanket and an extra pillow. They stood there for a moment. Alex wasn’t sure how to say goodnight to Gemma… a girl that he had feelings for, that he wasn’t sure liked him in the same way. 

“Uh, goodnight.” He said. 

“Goodnight. If you’re not comfortable, let me know.” 

“Where else would I sleep?” he chuckled. Gemma’s face turned bright red. 

“Well, I don’t think you wanna sleep with me.” 

So wrong, he thought. She was crazy if she thought that he didn’t want to get in that bed with her. They’d sleep… maybe. Alex could think of other things he’d want to do with her before they slept. He strategically positioned the blanket in front of his growing hard-on. Smiling sheepishly, he kicked off his shoes and sat on the couch. 

“Night, Gem.” 

“Goodnight, Alex.” ________________________________________________________________________ 

Alex awoke to the quiet clatter of cups on the table. 

“Fuck,” he heard Gemma whisper under her breath. 

He opened an eye to see Gemma setting out a basket of deliciously browned biscuits and a few coffee cups. Alex smiled to himself as he closed his eyes. She made breakfast for me, he thought. He was secretly afraid last night that she would escape out the front door and get to work before he had the chance to talk to her again. He was going to lay there a bit longer, but he guessed that the biscuits had just come out of the oven, because their aroma was intoxicating. 

“Are those biscuits?” he asked. 

“Oh my god! You scared me! I thought you were still asleep!” she said, clutching at her heart and giggling. Alex couldn’t help but notice that she chose the shortest pair of shorts to wear as pajamas. He raised his eyebrows as he looked at her. 

“Good morning,” he purred. 

Gemma blushed. “Shut up, they’re my pajamas. It’s Saturday. I get to be lazy today.” 

“I wasn’t complaining,” he said innocently. 

“Creep,” she giggled, chucking a biscuit at his head. He caught it mid-air and clutched it between his teeth as he folded the blanket and set it at the foot of the couch. We both can play this game, he thought. He wasn’t wearing anything but his undershirt and boxer shorts. He wasn’t about to lose this game, either. Gemma looked and looked once more before she diverted her eyes. Alex smirked at her. 

“Did you make these?” He asked as he sat down. He spread some butter on the biscuit he’d clenched between his teeth. It was flaky and wonderful. Way better than Evelyn’s…. Although, he would never admit it. 

“Yup,” she said. “I make them every Saturday. I thought it was going to be hard to creep around my kitchen making them, but you’re a heavy sleeper.” 

Alex grumbled as he grabbed another biscuit and spread jam all over it. “Is this all you eat?” 

“This, and a cup of coffee.” 

“You need to eat more.” Alex said, grabbing a third biscuit. “No wonder you’re so skinny. Eat, girl, eat.” 

“I do eat! I eat a huge lunch. Salad, chicken, bread… the whole fucking food pyramid!” 

“Whatever…” he teased. The dozen biscuits was reduced to only a few by the time they were done. Alex felt a little guilty… he was used to Evelyn’s smorgasboards of breakfasts, not Gemma’s tiny breakfasts. “I’m sorry I ate all your biscuits.” 

“No, don’t be, I can always make more. Next time you crash on my couch I’ll just have to make you a bigger breakfast.” she said with a smile as she cleared the table. 

Next time, I’ll be crashing in your bed, Alex thought to himself. Fuck the couch. 

His heart thumped away on his walk home. It was almost irritating until he remembered why. He’d gone over to Gemma’s last night on a whim, hoping that seeing her face would give him the answer he was looking for, and he was spot on. Seeing her, being with her… it was almost what he wanted. Growing their relationship beyond what they already had would be sealing the deal. Their friendship wasn’t enough. He was hungry for more. 

He didn’t realize how late in the day it was until he became painfully aware of Caroline and Jodi watching him cross the plaza in the same clothes he’d worn the day before. The walk of shame, he thought. There was nothing to be ashamed of, though. Even if that had been the case and he and Gemma had gone there, he’d rub it in everyone’s face that he was sleeping with the most beautiful, stubborn, amazing girl in Stardew Valley, and they all could suck it. 

Evelyn unfortunately spotted him from across the plaza and hobbled over as fast as she could. “Alex Ruddicks, you will never scare me like that again!” she said, waving her watering can around like a maniac. 

“Gram, what?” 

“We had no idea where you were! I was worried sick!” Evelyn said, clutching her chest with one hand and the watering can with the other. Alex gingerly took it from her and offered her his arm. 

“I’m sorry Gram, I was at Gemma’s.” 

“All night?!” 

Alex sighed. “Yes, all night. I slept on her couch.” 

“I’m not stupid, dear. You can tell me.” 

“Gram!” he groaned. “I’m serious, nothing happened. I just couldn’t sleep last night, so I went over there and we just hung out, I swear.” 

“Okay. Just call next time, dear. I almost had a heart attack when I went in your room and you weren’t there.” 

“I’m twenty eight! I should be able to wander off in the middle of the night,” he laughed. She pinched his arm. “Ow!” 

“Serves you right, mister. Call.” 

“Okay…” 

Alex opened the door for his grandmother and followed her inside. George grunted a hello at him as he wheeled his way into the kitchen. 

“Hey Gramps. TV boring you today?” 

George said nothing, simply thrusting an ill-written note into Alex’s open hand. 

“Stan, gridball… and a phone number. Gramps, what is this?” 

“Some guy named Stan called about the Tunnelers and he wants you to call him back at that number,” he grumbled. “I don’t know how I could’ve made that any clearer…” 

Alex’s heart nearly stopped. 

“Thank you!” he said, kissing his grandfather’s bald head and running down the hall to his room. He could hear George complaining the whole way. He didn’t care. Stan was the guy. The guy who would make Alex’s dreams come true… and he just called him on the phone. Alex had thought his heart had gotten enough exercise that day, he scoffed. 

“Hello?” A gruff voice said at the end of the line. 

“Stan! Hey!” Alex said, hopping on his bed. 

“Mr. Ruddicks, good morning,” Stan said. “How do you feel about coming down to the field Monday? My running back just took a nasty spill and we’re looking for someone to take his place for the season.” 

“Y-yeah,” Alex choked. “I mean, yes. Absolutely. When do you want me there?” 

“Two o’clock. I’ve got gear for you here, so just bring your cleats and your best. I’ll be trying out a few other men too.” 

“Thanks Stan!” Alex said excitedly and dropped the phone in its cradle. He then proceeded to jump off his bed and howl. 

Alex had been in talks with Stan since he graduated high school. He almost went pro when he graduated, but George had gotten in the car accident that paralyzed him the summer after his senior year. Alex had chosen to stay home to help Evelyn, but he made sure that he never stopped talking to Stan. He knew that if he threw all his effort into it that someday Stan would make this call… and here it was. 

“Alex? What-” 

“I’ve got a tryout Monday for the Tunnelers! Gram, can I borrow the car?” He said, nearly hopping in place. 

“Well, sure. I can’t say no to that face.” she said, patting his cheek. He planted a giant kiss on her forehead before racing to put his shoes on. 

“Where are you going now?” Evelyn said, puzzled. 

“Gemma’s, I have to tell her, she’s gonna be so excited!” Alex said and raced out the door. He ran all the way to Gemma’s. He didn’t see how this day could get better. He’d already seen her, and she’d obviously flirted with him. That was the first thing. The second thing was getting the call from Stan. This was his chance. This was it. He could be a professional gridball player on Monday. He felt like his heart was going to explode out of his chest. 

“GEMMA!” He yelled, hurdling the gate and running out into the field. 

“What!?” She yelled back, poking her head around from a huge blueberry bush. Alex ran over to her side and tried to catch his breath. 

“What the fuck?” she laughed. “What’s wrong with you?” 

“Stan… gridball… Monday,” he panted. 

“Sorry, I usually get your weirdness, but not today. Full sentences please,” she said as she carefully plucked blueberries from the bush. 

“Stan called. I have a tryout for the Tunnelers on Monday.” He was beaming. 

“Are you serious? Alex!” Gemma said, dropping her blueberry basket carefully and then hopping up and down. “That is so amazing!” 

“I’m so fucking pumped, I can… I can’t handle it, fuck, oh my god!” Alex said. 

“I’m so, so happy for you, Alex.” Gemma said, smiling at him. 

“Thank you. You know, you’re coming with me.” 

“What?” 

“Yeah! We can have lunch in Zuzu. I’m gonna need a cheerleader. All the pros have the best ones.” 

“Okay,” She squealed. “I’m so excited, I can’t wait to see you play. Have I mentioned I’m so excited for you?” 

“Yeeesss,” he growled, testosterone pumping through his veins. He picked her up, heaving her over his shoulder and spinning her around. The giant hat she’d been wearing went flying. “You are the best, thank you for coming with me!” 

“Just put me down, you’re gonna make me ill from either cuteness or motion sickness.” 

“Deal!” he said, dropping Gemma to her feet. He picked up her hat and dusted it off. “This thing is ridiculous, how many people does this hat fit?” 

“Just one,” she said, embarrassed. “I’m trying this new thing called protecting my skin from the sun, okay?” 

“Okay, okay.” 

“You’re so hyper. Jesus.” 

“Can you blame me?” 

“Absolutely not. But if you want, you can use that energy to go chop trees.” 

“Fuck yeah.” 

“Weirdo.”


	12. Chapter 12

On Monday morning, Gemma hopped out of bed early to get her work done on the farm before she had to meet with Alex. They would drive into Zuzu later that morning for lunch, and then he had his tryout with the Tunnelers. As excited as Gemma was that Alex asked her to go with him, she was nervous that they had two separate two hour car rides and a lunch together. 

What if they ran out of stuff to talk about? What if, after hours of nothing to do but talk he realized that she wasn’t his thing and decided to stop hanging out with her? The nagging voice in her head wasn’t normal, she was usually pretty confident. She hated that this was happening. Gemma just wanted to be excited about the prospect of spending a day with Alex that was unhindered by farmwork or obligations. 

When her farm work was finished, Gemma hurried inside her house and hopped in the shower. Alex would be waiting for her at his house in an hour, which wasn’t enough time, but she’d have to deal with it. She wanted to dress nicely today. Gemma never got to dress nicely anymore- Alex saw her either in pajamas or grubby farmer’s clothes. She reminded herself that they were just friends, and friends didn’t care what they wore around each other. 

“Fucking shit,” she muttered to herself. She grabbed her favorite white sundress out of her tiny closet and tied her hair up in a loose ponytail before heading out the door. 

“Be good, boys,” she said as she filled up the dogs’ water. Storm whined. He hated it when Gemma went anywhere without him. “Don’t be a weenie, I’ll be home later today!” She gave him a kiss on the head before she walked through the gate and into town. Evelyn was hovering over her summer flowers when she saw Gemma. 

“Gemma, sweetheart, don’t you look lovely today.” 

“Thank you, Evelyn, you’re so sweet.” 

“Are you excited to go to Zuzu? Alex has not been able to stop talking about your trip.” 

Gemma rolled her eyes. “Well, he does live and breathe gridball.” 

“No, dear, he’s been trying to figure out where to take you for lunch all weekend,” Evelyn said as she held onto the crook of Gemma’s elbow. “To tell you the truth, I think he’s a little nervous about the tryout today, my dear.” 

Gemma’s smile twisted into a frown. “I don’t blame him. He hasn’t played on a team in a really long time.” 

“Try to take his mind off of it, will you? I think it’ll help him.” 

“Of course, Evelyn. Thanks for the heads-up.” 

Evelyn patted Gemma’s hand before heading inside the house. Gemma took a deep breath before walking in after her. She was glad that Evelyn had given her that tip about Alex. It gave her a goal, something to focus on besides the butterflies fluttering around in her guts. Alex was turned away, standing in the doorway to the living room. He and George were watching an old sports game on the television. 

Alex was wearing his black practice jersey that he used to wear in high school. Of course it still fit him, she thought to herself, he’s only packed on more muscle since then. She giggled to herself before tapping him on the shoulder. Evelyn was right. She could see the anxiety in his eyes as he turned to say hello. 

“Hey Gem,” he said with a smile. Surprisingly, he went in for a hug. Alex seemed to hug her a little tighter than normal. Nerves, she thought. She hugged back tightly and smiled to herself, pleased that her embrace seemed to comfort him a little. When she pulled away, Evelyn was standing there, smiling at both of them. 

“Here are the car keys, dear. Please be careful. I can’t wait to hear about it when you get home.” Evelyn said. She winked at Gemma, who nodded subtly at the older woman. 

“Thanks, Gram. See you later,” Alex said, giving her a brief hug and waved at George as they walked out the door. 

George and Evelyn’s car was parked behind the house under a large shade cloth. It must have been at least twenty years old. Gemma felt uneasy at the sight of their ancient mode of transportation. 

“Will this car make it all the way to Zuzu?” Gemma wondered. “Oh yeah, I spent all day working on it yesterday to make sure it was good to go,” Alex said. He walked over to the passenger side door and opened it for Gemma. “Such a gentleman,” she said. At first she thought she was teasing… It felt like teasing. But when it came out of her mouth, it sounded more appreciative than she meant for it to let on. She wasn’t usually into the idea of being cared for, but when Alex did it she found herself enjoying it. Alex only smiled, closing the door behind her and crossing over to hop in the driver’s seat. 

It only took them a few minutes to drive out of town and get on the highway toward Zuzu. Alex flipped the radio from station to station until he landed on the classic rock station. 

“This okay?” 

“Yeah, I used to listen to this with Ben in his truck all the time.” 

“Okay, good.” 

Silence. The two didn’t seem to have much to say. Gemma wracked her brain trying to think of a conversation topic. When they hung out around town or on the farm, conversation seemed so effortless. Now, with the small, confined space and nerves between the two of them? It seemed like conversation was impossible. Alex bit the bullet first. 

“So you were harvesting your blueberries Saturday, right? How’d that go?” 

“It was good… I finally have some money in my pocket now.” 

“Good! You were worried about that.” 

“Yeah.” 

Silence again. This didn’t have to be this awkward, she thought. It was kind of ridiculous the more she thought about it. She cracked up laughing and shook her head. 

“Why are we so bad at this?” she giggled. 

“Yeah, I don’t know,” he laughed, resting an arm on the armrest between them. “I’m sorry. I’m really nervous about the tryout today.” 

“You’re going to do great, Alex. You work harder than anyone else I know. Taking care of your grandparents, helping me, and taking care of yourself so you’re in top condition for opportunities like this? You’re an amazing person. Don’t be nervous.” 

Gemma rubbed Alex’s arm and gave his fingers a reassuring squeeze. 

Alex squeezed back and didn’t let go. 

“Thanks, Gem,” he murmured, his warm, thick fingers curling around her slender ones. Her heart raced. Was this really happening? After the way he stepped away from her in the kitchen Friday night, she thought for sure that he wasn’t into her the way she thought she might be into him. 

The way she was feeling right now though… this felt good. She allowed herself to relax her fingers and they intertwined with Alex’s. His hand rolled palm-up so she could cradle her hand in his. They held hands as he raced down the highway in the tiny car. 

“I wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true.” she said with a smile. 

Gemma’s mind was drowning in the moment in a wonderful way. She wasn’t expecting this at all. Was he? Maybe he had been waiting for an opportunity to hold her hand. She wondered if Alex was going to hold her hand all day. Gemma certainly wasn’t opposed to the idea. 

Holding hands somehow eased the tension. The two chatted away until they reached the exit where they had to turn off. Alex slipped his hand out from under Gemma’s and gripped the steering wheel. 

“Sorry,” he said. “Inner city traffic is where I get nervous driving… I never see other cars on the road in Pelican Town.” 

“Don’t be,” she said, her face flushing. “You don’t have to hold my hand or anything.” 

Alex shook his head and chuckled at her. 

“What?” she asked defensively. 

“You’re so stubborn. Why don’t you say it like it is?” 

“Like what?” she said defiantly. Shit, he just called her out and she had nothing to hold against him. 

“Like you totally wanted that.” 

“Excuse me, you held my hand first,” she teased. 

“Yeah, but you were the one who didn’t pull away.” 

She rolled her eyes and laughed. He was ridiculous, and she loved it. Gemma loved every second he was pushing her like this. It was like he wanted her to say it. That she liked him. Gemma was positive she wouldn’t be the first to admit it. She hated getting into emotional situations… they always changed things for the worse in her opinion. 

“You always get me into things,” she muttered. “Why do you do that?” 

“Come on, Gem, I know you’re not a robot. Under that icy cool exterior there’s touchy feely Gemma,” he teased, his voice cascading into a fake sobby voice. 

“Shut up!” 

“See, I’m right.” He said, pulling into a parking spot. They were parked outside of what looked like an ancient burger joint. 

“Where are we?” Gemma said, getting out and looking up at the peeling paint and fading sign. 

“The best burger place in Zuzu. My dad and I used to come here when I was a kid.” 

Alex got the door and let Gemma inside first. The inside was just like the outside. It was decorated like it was straight out of the fifties. Old, red leather barstools and mint-green countertops with matching tile backsplashes lined the kitchen. The booths were decorated in the same style. An elderly man in a baseball cap and chef’s apron stood behind the counter, polishing milkshake glasses. It was like stepping back in time. 

“Alex! Where the hell have you been, boy?” the old man said, clapping Alex’s shoulder and giving him the manliest hug she’d ever seen two men share. 

“I’ve been busy!” 

“I can see that,” the old man said, grinning at Gemma, who blushed. 

“We’ll have three burgers, two with cheese and… wait, Gemma, what do you want on your burger?” 

“Cheese, please, and bacon,” she stuttered. 

“Gem, this is Robert. Robert, this is Gemma.” 

“What a prize you’ve got here, Al. She’s gorgeous. Call me Bob.” 

“Hi Bob,” Gemma said quietly, smiling at the old man and shaking his hand. 

“I didn’t mean to make you shy, I’m sorry. Old men like me like to run their mouths,” he chuckled. Gemma just smiled and shook her head. Alex picked a booth next to the window and pulled a chair for Gemma. She felt like she’d forgotten how to speak, how to breathe. 

Alex hadn’t corrected him. He’d just gone with it, like he was acknowledging that Gemma was who had been choosing to spend his time with lately. That man had implied… what had he implied? Gemma felt like her heart had crawled up her throat and lodged itself there. Sure, she’d thought about Alex in that way. That someday, if she played her cards just right, he could be her boyfriend. He was handsome, caring, gentle… she liked those things about him a lot. And obviously, he had thought about her in that way, if he wasn’t correcting people. Did he think this was a date? 

Alex was always getting her into things. This time, it was a situation that she wanted to be in. They were teetering on an edge. It had to tip one way or the other eventually. It made her heart hammer in her chest. This supposedly innocent crush on a friend was no longer innocent. It had manifested into something more serious. It worried her and excited her all the same. 

Damn him. She didn’t move to the valley to fall for her best friend. 

“I kind of ordered for you, I hope you don’t mind.” 

“No, that’s okay,” she said, rubbing her fingers together anxiously. “What do I owe you?” 

“Nothing, you came all the way out here to support me today, it’s my treat.” He said, smiling at her. It was a genuine smile, the smile that made her insides feel like they were turning inside-out. She tried to think of anything else. 

“So you said you and your dad used to come here?” 

“Yeah, when I was a kid.” 

“Okay,” Gemma said, confused. If his mom had died but his dad was alive, then why did he live with Evelyn and George instead of him? 

“I know what you’re thinking,” Alex said, staring at the table. “Why don’t I live with my dad.” 

“I wasn’t going to say it if you didn’t want to tell me.” 

“I know,” he said with a gentle smile. He reached for Gemma’s hand and she put it in his instinctively. He sighed a little contented sigh before continuing. 

“My dad was a shithead. He was an alcoholic. He used to beat me and mom when he got drunk.” 

Gemma didn’t know what to say. She just squeezed his hand and hoped it would convey the message. It must have because Alex held her hand tight as he continued. 

“Anyways, when I got older, I got stronger. I started fighting back. It didn’t work well at first… I’d go to school with a hoodie in the summer to hide my bruises. But then I started playing gridball. Later that summer, when he tried to hit my mom? I kicked his ass. He left and never came back. I guess it’s embarrassing to have your ass handed to you by your teenage son.” 

“Alex, I don’t know what to say… I guess it’s not enough, but I am so sorry.” she said. Her heart ached for him. What a terrible thing he endured, as a child no less. She’d been lucky enough to be scooped out of her awful situation before she was old enough to realize how bad it was. 

“It’s shitty, yeah, but if that hadn’t happened, I don’t think I’d be who I am today. I don’t think I ever would have played gridball. I hate my dad for what he did to my family. I hate that I have him to thank for me being me.” 

“I wouldn’t say that. You reacted to a bad situation by becoming a stronger person. He didn’t make you that way. You made yourself who you are.” 

“Thanks, Gem, you don’t know what that means to me.” 

Alex set his free hand on top of Gemma’s. His thumb gently stroked the top of her hand, sending shivers down her spine. Swallowing the fear and embracing what little courage she had left, she looked up into his eyes. She had never seen him look at her like that before. Alex’s eyes were shining and his lips were turned up into a tender smile. Alex opened his mouth as if to speak, but Bob came around with his arms full of dishes. 

“Hey, y’all. Burgers up.” He said, quickly depositing their food at the table and walking off. Alex’s eyes were closed and his eyebrows were furrowed. His hand slipped out from underneath Gemma’s as he breathed deeply and rubbed his eyes. 

“Let’s eat, I’m starving,” he said, grabbing a cheeseburger and digging in. He’d ordered a ton of food. Two milkshakes, three orders of fries, three burgers... 

“How are we supposed to eat all this?” Gemma said skeptically. 

“You eat yours, don’t worry about the rest.” 

Gemma nodded and tucked in. The burger was delicious, but Gemma was distracted. Alex seemed far too engrossed in his meal. More than the usual level of dedication he gave to his massive meals, anyways. 

“You okay?” she asked. 

“Yeah. Just…. There’s a lot going on today, you know? It’s all kind of hitting me.” he chuckled. 

“You’re fine. You’re gonna be great.” 

“Yeah, Gem, I hope so.” 

The two finished up their meal and headed outside to the car. There was no handholding this time as they drove to the stadium. Its tall pillars loomed over the parking lot, like a warning to all who entered. Gemma could see Alex’s hand shaking as he turned the key in the ignition and got out of the car. She eagerly slipped her hand into his, easing the trembling as they walked silently to the registration tent. 

“It looks like I’ll have to meet you inside…” Gemma said, trying to mask the concern in her voice. Alex merely swallowed dryly and nodded his head. 

“It’ll be okay.” 

He nodded. 

“You’re gonna do amazing.” 

Nodding again. 

“You’re being so silly right now. Seriously. I believe in you.” 

He nodded again, but this time, he cracked a smile. Gemma sighed with relief and stood on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around his neck in a hug. Alex folded his arms around her waist, hugging her gingerly at first until his grip on her tightened. He buried his nose in her hair and sighed heavily. She wished that she could in some way give him all her confidence and bravery for what he was about to go through, but she knew that he could carry himself just fine if he would only believe. 

“Remember, you made yourself, okay?” 

“Okay.” 

Gemma kissed him on the cheek and walked straight into the stadium without looking back.


	13. Chapter 13

The drive home from Zuzu was a very quiet drive. Alex’s brain felt like a swarm of bees, buzzing, moving, and never resting as he reviewed every play over and over in his head. What could he have done better? What could have been different? The most frustrating part was that he had no idea how he had performed. He did what he had always done: try his best and hope. Whether Stan would call back or not… that was the thing he had no control over. 

He sighed and rubbed his eyes as he tried to focus on the road. The ancient car’s old headlights seemed to barely pierce the darkness of the open road in front of him. A little peek into a world of uncertainty. He almost laughed as he realized how well it seemed to go with how he was feeling. Like he could barely see what was ahead of him. 

“I keep going over all the plays in my head.” Alex muttered. “I can’t stop thinking about it.” 

“You were great. It was awesome to watch you play,” Gemma said. She had her knees curled up in the seat and leaned her head against the window. Her arms were curled around her knees, hugging them tight like the time he found her crying in the field. She looked like she was just as deep in thought as he was. 

“Are you okay?” He asked. 

She nodded. “My brain is just buzzing. I feel like I can’t get it to shut up.” 

“I know exactly what you mean.” 

Alex didn’t have to wonder long until he realized what she was probably thinking about. He’d taken things a half-step today with the handholding. He was worried that he’d gone too far until she kissed his cheek before his tryout. It was honestly the endorphins from that moment that got him through the registration process and out onto the field. They rushed into his brain again when he thought about her soft lips pressed against his cheek. It had been a welcome surprise. 

When he thought about how they seemed to be on the same page, it made him nervous… it was an excited nervous that made him feel sick to his stomach. It was just like when he got the call from Stan earlier that week. He had Stan to thank for two things now: the tryout, and the excuse to take Gemma to Zuzu with him. Alex wasn’t sure if any of that would have happened if they hadn’t gone to the city. 

Tryouts… Gemma… while it was exciting, it was exhausting. He was a little relieved when he pulled the car into its parking spot behind his house. Gemma stepped out of the car and rubbed her arms. The air here was a lot colder here in the valley than it was in the concrete furnace known as Zuzu City. 

“Let me walk you home,” Alex said. 

The two walked through the quiet plaza. The gentle light of the streetlamps was turned into a lightshow as the moths and other insects flocked around their warm light. They cast a cozy glow on the old brick path as they walked past the doctor’s office. Gemma was still hugging herself in an effort to keep warm. They’d already held hands, she’d kissed him… she wanted that physical contact, obviously. The cascade of emotions he’d been feeling that day left him more anxious than confident. Do it, he told himself, just throw your arm over her shoulder. 

Alex was afraid though. If this was going to go somewhere, he didn’t want it to go too far, too fast. He knew Gemma, though. She wouldn’t make a move and what happened earlier that day was a fucking miracle in his eyes. Why did he have to think about this so hard? In the past, if he wanted to be with a girl, he’d just make it happen without hesitation. What made Gemma so different? 

Alex shook his head at himself and told himself to go for it. He pulled Gemma close and put an arm around her, rubbing her arm with his hand. Her skin felt cool and soft to the touch. As they walked, she leaned into him and put her arm around his waist. Gemma’s touch seemed to ground him and helped him cast aside his worries for the moment. 

“Today was fun,” Gemma murmured. He could barely hear her over the crickets in the grass along the side of the dirt road. 

“I’m really glad you came with me today. If you hadn’t, I might have just run for the hills when I saw the stadium,” he chuckled. 

“I’m really proud of you. You’ve always talked about going pro and you might have done it today.” 

Alex smiled. “Thanks, Gemma. I hope I did.” 

The gate creaked loudly as Gemma pushed it open. Dusty and Storm came tearing across the farm with their tails held high as they saw Gemma and Alex. Storm barked happily as he went to go sit by the door to the farmhouse. 

“It’s late, I better get to bed if I have any hope of getting work done tomorrow,” Gemma said, turning to look at Alex. “Thanks for lunch.” 

Alex shook his head. “I should be thanking you. For coming with me… for what you said today. It really… It means a lot,” he murmured. He could feel his cheeks growing hot. He was grateful that it was dark outside. 

“Like I said, if I didn’t mean it I wouldn’t say it.” 

“Right.” 

Alex and Gemma stood there briefly. Where did they go from here? Was kissing her goodnight cool, or was that too much? The ten seconds they stood there looking at each other felt like an eternity as he weighed the possibilities against each other. 

“Goodnight, Alex,” Gemma said quietly, flashing him a shy smile. She snaked her arms around his middle as he hugged her around her shoulders. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears as he snaked his fingers through her soft, amber hair. 

“Night, Gem,” he whispered in her ear before pulling away. He was grateful that he didn’t have to decide on anything tonight. He watched as Gemma opened her front door and allowed the dogs to go racing in before waving at Alex and closing the door. Alex laced his fingers behind his head as he walked home. 

Gemma made it so easy. While she wasn’t the one to reach out and make the move, Alex was perfectly content doing that. She made it so easy to want her, to touch her, to squeeze her hand, to smell her hibiscus conditioner in her hair… to forget his troubles and think for a minute that he was a normal person. An amazing person, like she said. Gemma made it so easy to fall for her. Alex was positive that he was going to fall hard and fast… and hopefully never hit the ground. 

Alex was worried that he wouldn’t fall asleep that night as he got ready for bed. There was so much to think about. He could be a pro gridball player if he’d performed well enough at the tryouts. Things were going unexpectedly well with Gemma. Something had to come crashing down. Not everything could be this good- he knew that deep in his heart. Luckily though, as soon as the blanket was over him and his eyes were closed, he passed out. 

The next morning, apprehension took a firm grip on Alex’s heart. Stan said it wouldn’t take long for them to pick a replacement. Callbacks were supposed to happen today. Alex was used to confidence taking the wheel, but with something as serious as this, his confidence failed him. It was so easy to fake it and pretend like the world was his to take. It was another thing to believe himself. 

Evelyn already had breakfast going when he woke up. Bless that lady, he thought. He hadn’t eaten since before the tryout because of nerves, so he woke up with a full appetite. Evelyn must have known. She always knew. 

“Mornin’ Gram,” he said, looking over her shoulder and into the griddle. “Oh man…. French toast. What’s the occasion?” 

“Today is the day I become the proud grandmother of a professional gridball player, so I figured I should make a special breakfast.” 

“Don’t say that, Gram! You’re gonna curse me.” he laughed. 

“It’s true dear, you work so hard. You’ve earned this.” 

Evelyn set down a plate full of french toast and fruit in front of him before sitting down with a cup of tea. 

“Did you and Gemma have a nice time in the city yesterday?” she asked casually. Too casually. Alex closed his eyes so he wouldn’t roll them at her. 

“Yeah. We had a great time,” Alex said, smiling to himself and at the memories flooding his brain. 

“I know that look, dear.” 

“I don’t know, Gram. We’ve always been good friends. There’s something different, though.” 

“When two people lift each other up the way you two do, I can’t imagine that you don’t feel something for her.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Alex, you have always looked after others. Gemma’s an independent girl, you don’t have to look after her. She has been doing some looking after you, though, and whether you see it or not, because of that, you’ve finally been doing things for yourself instead of George and I.” 

“I still don’t get it.” 

“She cares about you dear. Gemma wants to see you be well and happy.” 

“I guess, yeah, you’re probably right.” 

“I’m always right, sweetheart,” she said with a chuckle before grabbing his empty plate and taking it to the sink. 

The phone rang and Alex’s heart stopped. He had to wait until it rang again, just to be sure it was real and he wasn’t hallucinating. It was so early. 

“Hello?” Alex choked as he answered the phone. 

“Hey, it’s Stan.” 

“Hey.” 

“You gonna be in town today?” 

“I’m always in town, Stan,” Alex chuckled. 

“Okay. I’m gonna be there in two hours. Let’s meet at the saloon.” 

“Okay.” 

There was a click and a dial tone. Alex set the phone in its cradle and stared at it. Why did he want to meet today? Was this him telling Alex that he was their new running back? Or was it him letting Alex down gently? 

“Dear?” 

“I’m meeting Stan at the saloon in two hours.” 

“Oh, that’s good! Whatever it is, it’s good enough to meet in person about!” Evelyn said, her eyes lighting up. 

“Okay Gram. I’m gonna go for a run.” 

Alex needed time to think about this. Something in his gut made him uneasy. It wasn’t doubt, it was dread. If it didn’t require a long and lengthy explanation, Stan would have just told him over the phone. Alex didn’t like the feel of the situation at all. He laced his running shoes on tight and head out the door to think it through. **_________________________________________________________________________**

**The Saloon was nearly empty this early in the day, save for Gus, who was wiping down the bartop and laying out his glass trays.**

**“Afternoon, Alex. What brings you in?”**

**“I’m meeting a man named Stan. Has he come in yet?”**

**“No, but why don’t you grab a booth and I’ll bring some menus. What do you want to drink?”**

**“Just water. Thanks, Gus.”**

**Alex sat in the booth furthest from the door. He drummed his fingers against the tabletop anxiously as he stared at it, waiting for Stan to walk through the door. Gus came by with menus and a pitcher of water.**

**“What’s got you so anxious?”**

**“Is it that obvious?” he groaned.**

**“This Stan must be important.”**

**“He’s the coach for the Tunnelers.”**

**Gus’ eyebrows shot up. “So he is really important then. I’ll make sure there’s a plate of wings on this table before he shows up.”**

**“Thanks Gus.”**

**“No problem, Alex. Be right back.”**

**The nervous fidgeting began again as Alex sat and waited. It was about when Stan said he’d be there, right? Maybe traffic was bad on the freeway and he was having trouble getting here. Maybe he forgot about meeting Alex and just decided to let him find out the hard way that he wasn’t getting picked for the team. Gus dropped a plate of wings at the table, winked at Alex, and walked off.**

**The front door opened and Stan came in, looking around. Once he saw Alex he smiled and walked over. Alex stood up and eagerly shook Stan’s hand.**

**“Hey, Stan,” he said breathlessly. “How was the trip?”**

**“Oh, it was good,” Stan said, taking off his Tunnelers cap and setting it on the table.**

**“What can I get you?” Gus said, smiling.**

**“Just a beer, thanks. Won’t be here long,” Stan said politely to Gus. Alex’s guts felt like they were tied up in knots. That didn’t sound good. Gus returned swiftly with Stan’s beer. Stan took a long sip and sighed.**

**“Alex, have you ever been to college?” He said, folding his hands on the table in front of him.**

**“No… I’ve never been to college.”**

**“All those guys who were on the field with you yesterday were all college boys. It was interesting to see you play with them.” Stan said, taking another gulp of his beer.**

**“Good interesting?”**

**“Yes. Good interesting. You play differently than they do. You think differently than they do. But you lack a lot of the skills they gained by playing college gridball.”**

**Alex’s heart sank and he stared at the table.**

**“Boy, don’t you be giving me that look until I’m done with you.”**

**“Yes coach,” Alex gulped. He didn’t know what the fuck Stan was getting at, and it only made Alex feel more nervous.**

**“Now, I’ve had words with the coach over at Zuzu U. Now, if you’re accepted, then he’s got a scholarship lined up that can pay through your associate’s, which is plenty of time for you to get that college ball priming that we need over at the Tunnelers. After that…. I can’t promise you a spot on the team, but it’ll make you even better than you are now. I just can’t hire a rookie that only has high school ball experience. You’ve gotta have that college ball game under your belt.”**

**Alex felt like his world had been rocked. He’d never considered going to college. He’d always told himself he didn’t have the intelligence for it. Gridball was his life through high school. Maybe, if he’d concentrated harder on his classes, college would have been an option. Stan chewed on a few chicken wings while Alex thought it all over.**

**“Coach, I don’t know what to say. I haven’t studied in like, ten years. I don’t know if I can get in.”**

**“Well, study up and take the placement exams at the end of the summer. Call me when you’re in.” Stan finished his beer, leaving only foam that was quickly dissipating at the bottom of his glass. “You’ve got so much promise, Alex. I want you to seize this opportunity. It’ll change your life.”**

**Stan stood up from the table. Alex mirrored his movements. He felt like his spirit was floating outside of his body, watching himself shake hands with Stan, pay the tab, and walk out the front door. Alex inhaled sharply through his nose and let his breath out slowly.**

**Him? College?**

**It wasn’t something to be taken lightly. He first thought to go home and talk to Evelyn… he already knew what she would say though. Encouragement. Blind encouragement. Evelyn often got too excited to really look at the details. Alex loved cheerleader Evelyn, but not blind faith Evelyn.**

**Of course, the only person he could think of that he trusted enough to give him solid advice on this was Gemma. She was logical. She was also reasonable. He knew she’d listen to the end and only give her advice if he asked for it. He just didn’t know how she’d react. If he went to school… it would take a lot of time.**

**He walked to the farm with his hands stuffed deep into his pockets. Gemma was busy chopping down a massive pine tree when he let himself in through the gate. Dusty trotted over to greet him and sat at his feet, leaning against his leg. Alex absentmindedly scratched at Dusty’s ears as he watched Gemma. On this hot summer day she was only wearing her sports bra and denim shorts as she swung away at it. He remembered the last time he watched her chop trees. They had fought like cats and dogs after… and now? They were inseparable.**

**“Hey,” He said, walking up behind her.**

**“Hi,” she said between chops. Sweat ran down her shoulder blades and into her ponytail. She was sexiest when she was in her element, he thought.**

**“Got a minute?”**

**“For you?” she said, resting the axe on her shoulder. She shrugged. “I guess so.”**

**“Ha, ha, smart ass. Can we go inside?”**

**“Sure…” she said, giving him an inquisitive look. She set the axe against the trunk of the tree she was working on and followed him to the farmhouse. Once inside, she grabbed her kitchen towel and started mopping up the sweat she was drenched in. “Sorry I’m gross.”**

**“It’s okay,” he said, a lump rising in his throat.**

**“What’s going on?” She said, sitting across from him at the kitchen table.**

**Alex explained everything that had happened to Gemma. What Stan had said about college, how it would change him as a player, how Stan thought it was a good idea. What he needed to do to get in. Gemma sat across from him with an inscrutable face. Always with the poker face, he thought.**

**“So what do you think?” he asked.**

**“What do you think?” she asked.**

**“I just asked you that.”**

**“Yeah, but what you think about this is way more important than what I think. Like, initially, what’s your reaction.”**

**“Holy shit.”**

**“Yeah, I think that’s how I would react too,” she said with a smile.**

**“Then I get excited about it. Learning more about gridball. Getting to be a good player. It would make me way more marketable.”**

**“What about the academics? Do you think you can handle it?”**

**“I don’t know. I’ve never thought of myself as a smart person. That’s what freaks me out.” He groaned.**

**“Alex, I knew you in school, your brain was on the ball… and getting some. I can’t blame you, you were a teenage boy. But did you ever give yourself the chance to be a smart person? Like, really try?”**

**Alex shook his head pathetically.**

**“Then… I don’t know, I think you should at least try. You might surprise yourself,” she said, curling her knees to her chest in her chair and flashing him a smile.**

**“I guess it would be stupid not to try.”**

**“And you’re amazing, remember?” Gemma said, resting her face on a knee and staring at him. Her ponytail draped elegantly over her shoulder. Even when she was covered in sweat and exhausted, she looked incredible. Alex found himself smiling at her.**

**“Whatever.”**

**She giggled.**

**“I’m gonna go for it.” he said, as much for himself as he said it for her.**

**“Good.”**

**She hugged her knees tight as she smiled at him.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, y'all, this will be the last update on my weird sporadic schedule. I'll update Saturdays- when I get into a rhythm I can nail down a specific time frame. As always, thank you for reading. You guys are my favorite <3


	14. Chapter 14

It had been five days since Alex told her he was going to go to college. 

Coincidentally, it had been five days since she had shown her face in town. 

Running was the first thing that happened during the day. Gemma even woke up extra early to make certain that no one else in town would be awake. She was up with the sun, much to her chagrin, but this was the choice she made. Storm and Dusty couldn’t care less what time of day they went, just as long as they got to run. She was beginning to run out of groceries, though, and was very tired of her ramen noodle diet. 

Farm work was suddenly incredibly interesting and time-consuming. She spent hours carefully fertilizing and maintaining her plants with a fish-based fertilizer she’d found in her grandfather’s notes that were stored in the cellar. She even tried brewing beer, as much as she hated drinking it. It sold well, to her pleasant surprise. 

When she had downtime, she walked south of the forest to the field where the Flower Dance was annually held. Gemma would sit on the sandy edge of the creek and toss stones in, or throw the frisbee for the dogs. She even made a flower crown for Storm, as much as he had hated it. 

Gemma couldn’t pin down the reason she was avoiding Alex. He hadn’t done anything to offend her. In fact, she was prouder of him than she had ever felt proud of anyone. Alex was doing amazing things and improving his life far beyond what he thought was possible. Gemma thought it was great that he was growing. 

Maybe she didn’t think it was so great that the direction he was headed was taking him away from her. She knew she couldn’t stake a claim in him. They were just friends. The words echoed in her head like a silly taunt. Like maybe if they were more than friends, he would stay. She just had this terrible feeling that he was going to move off to Zuzu, go to college there, and be far away. 

Gemma hated herself. She hated herself because the hope that she felt for him was only half-hearted. 

It was early in the morning when Gemma decided she’d had enough of her stupid ramen noodles and that she needed to go to Pierre’s. She saddled Storm and Dusty with their packs and brought them to town with her. She knew she couldn’t carry it all herself. 

After an expensive trip to the store, she stood outside of Pierre’s with literally a mountain of dry goods. The dogs stood with confused looks on their faces as Gemma tried to cram their packs full of groceries. It wasn’t enough. She was going to have to make two trips. 

“Fuck,” she muttered under her breath. 

“Need a hand?” 

Gemma looked up to the voice. 

It was Haley. 

“You’ve already helped enough, thanks,” she hissed under her breath. Gemma struggled to carry the several bags of groceries that hadn’t made it into the dogs’ packs and walked down the street. It wasn’t very far before a bag toppled over, spilling bags of rice, canned fruits, and vegetables all over the ground. 

“Damn.” 

“I wasn’t being sarcastic.” Haley griped as she picked up the cans and rice. 

Gemma handed her the half-full bag, as well as a few of her other bags and started walking down the road toward her house. The only person she didn’t want to see more than Alex right now was fucking Haley Bodsworth. Haley thankfully didn’t say anything as they walked. Gemma was grateful to her for that. 

When they reached the farmhouse, Gemma set down her groceries on the porch and unbuckles the packs off the dogs. Storm zoomed around the house before rubbing his back all over the grass. Haley giggled and Gemma was reminded of her nearly-intolerable existence. She took the bags from her before stepping inside. 

After unloading the first round of groceries, she came outside to find that Haley was still standing there. 

“What are you still doing here?” Gemma snapped. 

Haley stood, looking at the destruction she had wreaked earlier in the season. Tangles of bushes, misshapen trellises, and a patchwork shadecloth all stood as testament to her evil. Haley said nothing as she observed. Gemma grabbed the next round of groceries and stormed in her house, wondering exactly what the fuck Haley had come round for. If it was to remind her of the pain and misery she’d caused Gemma, she was doing a fucking awesome job. 

Gemma groaned out loud as she came out to find Haley still standing there. 

“Okay, I know I can’t physically move you from my property, but please, leave.” 

“I’m sorry.” Haley said. Gemma couldn’t see her face, but her words sounded sincere. 

“Excuse me?” 

“I said I’m sorry.” 

“It’s a little late for that.” 

“I know. But Papa always tells me, ‘better late than never’.” 

Gemma just scoffed and kept hauling groceries into her house. 

“Can I come in?” Haley asked, standing in the doorway and holding a sack of groceries. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me…” Gemma muttered, swearing to whatever God created this personal hell for her that when she died, she would make its life a living hell in return. “Yes. Come in. Thank you, I guess.” 

Haley set the bag on the table and began unloading it. She carefully unpacked its contents, bringing things to Gemma that she was already putting in cupboards, and folded the paper bag nicely before setting it in the pile of the others. She sat down at the kitchen table. Don’t make yourself comfortable, Gemma begged the girl in her mind, I’ve got enough shit right now, not you too. 

“Are you ready to listen?” Haley asked politely. 

Gemma sighed. “As ready as I’ll ever be.” 

“Thank you,” she said deliberately as she sat at Gemma’s kitchen table. Gemma sat across from her. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. She hadn’t seen or heard from Haley since that fateful day at the flower dance. Haley had made her presence painfully aware with crushed plants and structures. It was even worse when Emily had to come apologizing for her. Gemma only stared at her until she spoke. 

“I came here to apologize. My behavior was… ridiculous. I was being petty.” 

“Fucking right.” 

“I shouldn’t have destroyed all your stuff and vandalized your property. I’m lucky you didn’t press charges.” 

“I wish I had.” 

“I know.” 

“Apologies don’t repair things and replace what’s lost. You know that, right?” 

“I know that. That’s why I brought you this.” 

Haley dug around in her purse for a minute before retrieving a thick, white envelope and setting it on the table in front of Gemma. Gemma carefully took it and opened it up. There must have been a thousand dollars inside. 

“I know I can’t replace the sentimental value of some of those things. I can give you the money you spent to replace all of it though. I asked Pierre. It’s all there.” 

“Thank you, Haley,” Gemma choked out. It felt like some weird, parallel universe. Like she hadn’t woken up yet, like this was a dream. 

“Again, I’m really sorry. I took a lot of time to think and realized I was being totally bitchy to you. I hope someday maybe you can forgive me.” 

Gemma only nodded. No words felt right right now. She wanted to tell Haley to go fuck herself and hug her all at the same time. Fuck you for the terrible things she did… and the hug would be for the money. After struggling all summer long, the money would definitely help her get back on her feet. Haley said goodbye, got to her feet and left, leaving Gemma to sit there in stunned silence. 

Gemma’s gut instinct was to call Alex and tell him all about what had just happened. He’d suffered just as much as Gemma had and deserved to hear about it. He would probably be happy to see that Haley had changed a little bit or had some good coaching from someone who did have a soul. 

But what if Alex liked that too much? What if they got back together? He’d only held Gemma’s hand, it wasn’t like he promised to marry her or anything. It wouldn’t be surprising for someone like Alex to keep trying with someone he had devoted five years of his life to. Gemma clasped her hands to her temples and closed her eyes. 

“Shut up, fucking shut up. Goddamn, I hate you sometimes,” she muttered to herself as she sat criss-cross on the floor. Storm sauntered over and set his head in her lap and sighed. “I know right?” she said to him as she scratched his ears. 

Gemma couldn’t stand it. She absolutely could not stand it. Sometimes she wished she could turn her brain off at times… not unlike a lightswitch. Allow it to rest, recoup, and maybe have some sense of sanity within it when she turned it back on. 

There was a nice little spot on the farm beside the house where a beautiful old oak tree grew. Ben always worried it would take the house down someday, but with its strong branches for climbing and shady cover, he agonized about chopping it down. Gemma decided for him one late summer day when he came home to a hammock hanging between two branches. She’d saved her summer allowance for it, and with its unceremonious arrival, an unspoken agreement to keep the tree standing was formed between them. Gemma hadn’t had a chance to enjoy it since she moved onto the farm. 

With a book in hand and iced tea in her water bottle, she trooped out to the old tree. The hammock hung where it always did. It was in relatively good shape thanks to the shelter of the branches above it. She carefully climbed into it and wriggled around until she was comfortable. From here, she could see everything she’d planted and worked hard to achieve… that she and Alex had worked to achieve. He seemed to be everywhere today. She tried to settle in, read her book, and enjoy the beautiful summer day. 

It was irritating that she couldn’t stop thinking about him. Gemma enjoyed her sense of independence and her need for him made her feel like she was robbing herself of that. She enjoyed his presence, the way his shoulders seemed to envelope her when they embraced, the touch of stubble against her lips as she kissed his cheek… It’s not a bad thing to care for someone, she told herself. It doesn’t have to be just you all the time. 

Her knee jerk reaction most of the time was to shield herself from others. Her mom had let her down. Ben had let her down. She was better off if she could fend for herself, far from the need for others’ help. Moving back to the valley had softened her. At first, she had wondered if that was such a bad thing, but in this moment she was regretting it. 

The tipping point was here, ironically, in her hammock. Was she going to allow herself to depend on Alex, more than she already did? Would she survive it after that if he moved to Zuzu and didn’t come back? Just as friends, she was rueing the possibility of his departure. It would be even worse if she let herself fall for him. 

As the day’s luck would have it, the dogs began howling, signaling someone’s arrival at the farm. The squeak of the gate and the crunch of the gravel said it was a person, obviously, but she couldn’t see who it was past the farmhouse. Dusty’s tail began wagging and he sprinted to greet whoever it was. Fate. Of course it was him. 

“Hey, Gem,” Alex said, petting Dusty. He stopped in the shade of the massive oak tree. She felt like he was encroaching in her private space and put her book up to her nose. She wasn’t ready to make a decision yet, and hopefully, he wouldn’t push her to. 

“Hi.” 

“Whatcha doin’?” 

“Just reading.” 

“Cool.” 

Alex sat on a stump next to the hammock that Gemma often used as a table for whatever she needed while in hammock mode. It was the perfect height. He was right at eye-level. The summer sun had tanned his skin a golden brown. It matched perfectly with his dark eyes and brown hair. Gemma sighed shakily behind her book as she looked at him. 

“You’re hiding.” Alex grinned. 

“So?” Gemma retorted. 

“It’s cute.” he said quietly. His eyes shimmered at her the same way they did at the burger joint. Gemma felt her stomach doing acrobatics again. She brought the book up to her eyes to cover her blushing cheeks. Alex reached for it and gently took it from her before sticking her bookmark in it and closing it. 

“So what’s up?” she asked, trying to sound casual. 

“What are you doing tomorrow night?” he asked. He was wringing his hands together nervously as he talked. 

“Not anything, I don’t think. Why?” 

“I wanted to take you to the Dance of the Moonlight Jellies,” he stuttered. 

She paused before answering. Was this a date? Was he asking her on a date? Her stomach flip flopped as she thought about it. 

“Like a date?” she asked. 

He nodded anxiously and laughed at himself. “Yeah, Gem, like a date.” 

“Okay,” she said, blushing. 

“Great, meet me at the dock at ten? I’ll see you then,” he said, giving her hand a squeeze before leaving. 

A date. She had a date with Alex Ruddicks. Gemma smiled and squealed before flopping back in the hammock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your awesome kudos and comments. They make me so happy!!

Alex waited until he’d made it to his town before he had his celebration. He whooped and threw his fists in the air. His heart was still pounding. He was so excited that she’d said yes. This was a date, a real, actual date. There wouldn’t be any awkward will they, won’t they, just the two of them on the most romantic night of the year. He walked into the general store as Pierre was beginning to close up shop for the day. 

“Hey Alex, I’m sorry but I’m closing up real soon.” 

“Please, please, Pierre, this will only take a second,” Alex begged. 

“Okay son, calm down. Let’s get you squared away,” he chuckled. 

Alex frantically searched through the dozens of bouquets Pierre had next to the counter. He quickly realized he had no idea what kind of flowers Gemma liked. All he knew was that he had to pick something as amazing as she was. He decided to go with a dozen roses. Nothing was as romantic as roses, right? 

“Oh!” Pierre said with a chortle as he clicked away on his cash register. “No sunflowers?” 

“No sunflowers.” Alex said sternly. 

“Right.” Pierre said, making a face as he totaled up the purchase. “These for Gemma?” 

“How did you know?” 

“You two walk past my storefront nearly every day with those puppy-dog eyes. How could I not think Gemma?” he laughed. 

Alex blushed and thanked Pierre before grabbing the bouquet and hustling home. 

“Gram, do we have a vase?” 

“Of course, dear, we aren’t heathens,” she called from the kitchen. Alex laughed as he entered the kitchen. Evelyn nearly dropped the dish she was drying. 

“Oh, my, Alex! I certainly hope those aren’t for me, you know I don’t like roses.” 

“They’re for Gemma,” he grinned. Evelyn gasped and hugged him tightly. 

“Oh, my dear, she will love them, absolutely love them. Oh, I’m so excited, look what you’ve done,” she said, wiping away tears. “You just.. You. You silly boy.” 

“Gram, calm down,” he chuckled. “I don’t even know how she’ll react. Maybe she’ll tell me it’s too soon, or that she doesn’t feel that way yet.” 

“Nonsense. Absolute nonsense. There’s no way she isn’t crazy about you.” 

“I hope you’re right, Gram.” 

__________________________________________________________________________ 

The clock over the stove read 9:30 when Alex couldn’t stand waiting anymore. He got up from the kitchen table with the bouquet in hand and carefully wrapped the ends in saran wrap, hopefully preserving them a little better while he waited for Gemma. His heart felt like it was going to jump out of his chest. He breathed in sharply through his nose as he put his letterman on and headed out the door. 

The walk to the docks was eerie. Lewis had arranged for all the outdoor lights in town to be shut off in order to enhance the natural bioluminescence of the jellyfish as they arrived at the beach in just a little while. The sound of his feet striking the brick path sounded much louder than normal tonight. It would have been even louder if not for the heartbeat pounding away in his ears. 

Nerves weren’t normally an issue for Alex. He was actually quite confident most of the time, which either helped him tremendously or got him into trouble. He was wondering where that confidence was at this moment. He could hear the flowers rustling against the plastic wrap as his hands trembled. Alex swore under his breath at them. 

Some of the townsfolk were already assembling at the docks when he arrived. He chose a spot close to Willy’s so Gemma could see him when she came to the beach. The sounds of the waves lapping gently against the support beams of the dock were gentle and comforting. He closed his eyes as he enjoyed the sounds and the crisp, ocean air. 

“They aren’t even here yet and it’s already beautiful,” a feminine voice said beside him. He opened his eyes. Haley was standing an arm’s length away, staring out at the dark ocean. The jellyfish were still lurking deep under its surface, waiting for Lewis to light the torch that would summon them closer to the surface. Alex wasn’t sure what they did when they arrived, but they jellyfish would hang around until the small hours of the morning. 

Alex said nothing to respond to Haley. He wasn’t really in the mood for her regular serving of bullshit, especially tonight. Instead of telling her to fuck off, he bit his tongue. If he expected respect from her, he had to give it to her, as well. 

“I’m glad you’re here,” she said quietly. “I wanted to talk to you.” 

“We aren’t getting back together, if that’s what you want to talk about,” he grumbled under his breath so only she could hear. Haley shook her head at him. 

“Not what I wanted to talk about,” she said with a small smile. 

What could she want to talk about? For weeks now, if not months, she had relentlessly harassed him. Now she was here to speak like adults instead of children? He wasn’t buying it. He had learned the hard way to be skeptical of anything remotely honest-sounding that came out of her mouth. He said nothing as she continued speaking. 

“I went to Gemma’s farm yesterday.” 

Weird. Gemma said nothing about Haley visiting. That sounded like something she would tell him about. He grew more suspicious of her, if anything. “Yeah, what did you trash this time?” 

“Nothing,” she scoffed. “I gave her money.” 

Alex looked at her skeptically. “You paid her back?” 

“Every single cent.” 

“Wow, Bodsworth. That was decent of you,” he said. 

“I know, I’m like a real, feeling person now,” she giggled. She stepped closer to Alex as the two looked out over the ocean. “I even apologized.” “Now I think you might have killed the real Haley and are an impostor,” he teased. He gently elbowed her in the ribs. As much as he hated her for what she did, he was still proud. Proud that she could grow and be empathetic towards other people. A little part of him wished she’d gotten her act together sooner, but when he looked down at the bouquet hanging from his hand, he remembered he had something much better coming his way. Hopefully. 

“I wanted to apologize to you too.” 

“For what?” 

“For everything. I mistreated you for years, Alex,” she said wistfully. “I should have been better to you. I should have thanked you for everything you did for me.” 

“It’s water under the bridge now,” he murmured, looking down at her. He couldn’t believe this was happening. Why now, of all times, would she get chummy and apologetic. He looked around nervously for Gemma, but she was nowhere to be found as of yet. 

“No, it’s not. I can never forgive myself for losing you,” she choked. “I loved you, as stubborn as I was to admit it. I’m so sorry.” 

“Haley…” he whispered. Logic fell to emotion as Alex’s heart hurt for her a little. This was hard for her. Honestly, it was hard for him too, to see her like this. It was too little, too late, but he was still human. He still felt bad for her. Alex pulled Haley tight into a hug. 

“I forgive you.” he murmured. 

Haley’s body shook as she cried. Her arms wrapped around his middle, holding him tight. It was nice to be friendly again. Maybe someday, after all this shit had finally settled down, they could be friends again. Haley would probably make a better friend than a girlfriend, anyhow. 

Haley’s arms moved from around his waist to around his neck. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up in salute as she pulled away from his embrace and looked him in the eye. His stomach felt like it was contorting as he smiled awkwardly at her before trying to pull away from her uncomfortable hug. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Gemma approaching from the bridge. 

“Haley, no,” he muttered, but it was too late. Her lips closed around his as he pursed his tightly. He put his hands on her waist as he tried to push her away, but she was like a boa constrictor closing in on its prey. The panic that twisted his guts in all sorts of uncomfortable ways soon became too much to bear. 

“Haley, fuck off!” he yelled, pushing her off of him. He looked back to where he saw Gemma, but she was gone, long gone. He felt like he was going to throw up. That was not good, not good. What Gemma had seen… he had no idea how she was going to interpret that, but it was bad. Really bad. His mind raced at a mile a minute. 

“Alex, I thought that’s what you wanted!” 

“Fucking… fucking shit. You’ve ruined. I was so fucking stupid to think that you could change.” He cursed as he pushed her out of the way to chase Gemma down. He ran as fast as he could up the beach and through the plaza. Of course, she was already long gone. She could run faster and further than he could. He was cursing under his breath as he reached the farm just in time to see the front door slam shut. 

He hunched over to catch his breath as he knocked on the door. He could see Gemma’s silhouette through the curtains of the kitchen window. She was hunched over in a chair. 

“Gemma!” he shouted. “Please, please open the door.” 

He saw Gemma’s face appear in a crack in the curtains. They were whisked shut, and her silhouette returned to the kitchen chair. He could hear Dusty and Storm barking inside. They were probably going apeshit that he was here, he thought. 

“Come on, Gem, I’ll stand out here all night if I have to, just open the door.” he groaned. The panic that had contorted his guts was quickly evolving into deep regret. If only he’d told Haley to fuck off like he wanted to. If only he hadn’t let his guard down for that one second and had faith in the lie. He heard the door unlock from the inside. 

“Thank you,” he said breathlessly as he opened the door. Gemma was sitting at the kitchen table, arms curled around her knees with her face resting on them so she was looking away from him. Storm was whining at her, his white, furry face pressed against her leg. Storm was a Gemma barometer- when she was upset, he was upset. 

Alex set the flowers on the table in front of Gemma. They’d mostly survived the journey here, give or take a few petals. He had the sinking feelings that flowers would not fix this situation though. He wasn’t sure if anything could fix this situation. 

“Gemma, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he said. He reached for her hand, but upon contact it recoiled into her lap. “It wasn’t me, I swear, it was Haley-” 

“Your arms, they were around her.” 

“What?” 

“You were holding her in your arms, Alex,” she hissed. “That looked pretty consensual to me.” 

As she turned to look at him, he could see that the makeup she’d put on was streaked across her cheeks. Her hair was done, her clothes were pressed, she’d made a fucking effort. Alex’s regret blossomed into guilt now. Guilt and regret, with their sick lovechild that Alex didn’t have a name for, seemed to have made a home in his heart. 

“She was apologizing for treating me like shit,” he said. 

“So you decided to kiss her? I can’t say it was great timing, seeing you’d invited me to join you, and it was supposed to be a fucking date.” Her voice rose as she spoke, and Storm went to hide behind the couch. Alex could see his tail poking out as he laid down between the couch and the wall. 

“It was supposed to be a date, is supposed to be a date, see?” he said, gesturing at the flowers. 

“You think flowers are going to fix this?!” 

“They weren’t supposed to fix it, they were supposed to be for you!” he growled. “I already told you, what happened with Haley was an accident!” 

“You don’t accidentally kiss someone. I trusted you. I let myself start this stupid emotional shit, falling for you, and you just… you ruined it. You fucking ruined it.” 

“Gemma-” 

“Get. out.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, I know this is early, but I have family in for the holidays, so I won't be able to post on Saturday. Enjoy this little treat a little early ;) As always... comments... kudos... they feed my soul.

“Gemma-” 

“Get. out.” She growled. Alex’s face fell as he looked into her eyes. Gemma glared at him as he stood there. It must have been at least a minute before he turned and silently walked out the door. So much hate, so much betrayal was coursing through her blood, it felt like it was taking over her brain. She grabbed the flowers as she stood up from the table, opened the front door, and hurled them out. They exploded like a firework as they hit the ground and their red petals cascaded back to the earth. 

She knew Alex was out there and would see the explosion of roses. She wanted him to see it. The flowers would get trashed. Gemma felt like they were a good metaphor for how he’d made her feel. Fucking shattered. 

Slamming the door behind her, she went into her bedroom and curled up in bed. She was still wearing her jeans and cream sweater, her hair was still carefully twisted into a bun. “Storm!” she yelled. The husky trotted into the room, hopped on the bed, and curled into her side like they did every night. Dusty came too. She realized quickly that it wasn’t his fault that Alex was a tremendous dickhead. Dusty hopped up on the bed and laid on her other side. 

She couldn’t believe it. She could remember the excitement that had been pumping through her as she walked to the beach. It was happening, she had thought during the walk. She’d fantasized about their first date and it was happening. Gemma could also remember the way that excitement had been immediately suffocated as she watched Alex and Haley kiss. 

The suffocating feeling lingered in her throat even now as she tried to choke back angry tears. She was so mad, so unbelievably mad. Gemma had finally convinced herself that unlike the macho persona he put off, Alex was incredibly sweet and kind. How wrong she’d been. Gemma imagined if she’d been just a minute later, Alex would have tried to have both of them that evening. She and Haley. 

Gemma clung to Storm as the tears finally started rolling down her cheeks. They were hot and stung as she laid there. Storm whined before licking at her face. Gemma gently stroked his head until she fell asleep. 

Gemma was used to rejection. She’d been rejected by many people. It was part of her cycle of life. Her first memory of it was when Ben had brought her by her father’s house shortly after he’d rescued her from the police station. “You want me to take her?” he scoffed, looking into her eyes. “I can’t take this kid. My wife will kill me if she finds out I knocked up a junkie. Get her out of here.” 

The slam of a door marked the first instance of rejection Gemma could remember. Ben had tried to console her after, but all Gemma could understand was that that strange man was Daddy, and Daddy didn’t want her. Now, as an adult, she couldn’t blame him- who would want a child they’d never had anything to do with? 

High school boys, of course, were ruthless. Gemma would put herself out there and get downtrodden. It was hard, being the farm girl who lived with her grandfather, with no memory of parents. It set her apart from the pack. Gemma’s heart was stronger, though, and she tried not to let them get the best of her. She had her friends, she had people like Evelyn and Gus. As far as she was concerned, she needed no one else. 

Being homeless was perhaps the hardest, most horrible. No one wanted to hire her. No one wanted to be associated with her at all. She had no references. She had almost no money to her name. Farm girls didn’t own slacks, or blouses. She’d almost given up before she found Joja. They hired anybody, and they really meant anybody. She remembered the distinct odor of butane that seemed to permeate the building. It radiated from the bathroom stalls where employees would get high. It reminded her of her mother. 

Alex was a different story. She couldn’t remember the last time she had opened her heart to another person. It was easy to be friendly and warm with others, but to trust them? Impossible. Alex had been like a carjacker with a crowbar, forcing the panels covering her heart and nesting in there. She didn’t know he would steal it and trod all over it before returning it to her. 

Gemma woke up early the next morning and strapped on her running shoes. Her head was still spinning from the night before, and a stress headache hugged her temples, but the road called to her. As her feet pounded the pavement, surely some of the pain in her heart would seep into her muscles, where a hot bath would absorb it. Surely. 

A path untrod was chosen for the run that day. She made sure to stay far from the center of town. She trailed through Cindersap Forest, along the south edge of town, and to the beach. Nope. Too painful. instead, she ran past the library, north of Joja, and into the mindless trails that lined the mountain. She must have ran for at least an hour before she came home. 

Another bouquet was sitting on the porch when she got home. Pink peonies, tied together with a huge satin bow. They laid delicately in front of the door like they’d just been placed there. Gemma seethed as she looked at them. The nerve, she thought. She grabbed the bouquet and stormed into town. 

Gemma rapped her knuckles against the door. George answered. 

He grunted at her. 

“George. Please give these to Alex and tell him no thank you.” 

George grunted again. 

“Come on, George, I know you better than that. Please?” 

“No.” 

“What?” 

“I hate peonies.” 

The door slammed in Gemma’s face. “Of course you do, you old coot,” she muttered. She dropped the flowers on their doorstep and jogged home. 

How dare he. Alex obviously had this holier-than-thou confidence thing down. If he honestly thought he was going to win her back with flowers, he had another thing coming. She’d… She didn’t know what she would do. Gemma sighed. 

She felt lost without him. Alex was the person she’d go to in a situation like this. He had a strong sense of morals and was generally a good person. Why did he have to hurt her like this? She’d trusted him, confided in him, and in turn, he’d cast a deadly blow against her heart. 

Unfortunately, the bath did not work as well as she’d hoped it would. Storm certainly didn’t help. He’d been attached to Gemma’s hip for the last eighteen hours and didn’t seem like he was going to let up anytime soon. He hung his head over the side of the tub, snorting at Gemma’s bathwater. Dusty also had a strange brand of clingy affection, which he demonstrated by standing in the doorway and staring at her. 

“You guys make it impossible to relax,” she complained. 

Storm snorfed more bubbles. 

Gemma slid down the side of the tub until only her nose and eyes were visible. 

___________________________________________________________________________ 

The next day it was white roses and purple gladiolas. Their scent was intoxicating, but the sight of them was infuriating. When was he going to give up? Gemma had given up. She just wanted him to go away. Every time she saw flowers now, she thought of him. His smile. His kind, sweeping embraces that made her feel lost in his arms in the most wonderful way. The way his stubble brushed against her lips. She groaned as she hauled the large vase of flowers to Alex’s house. 

“Hello, Gemma dear. Beautiful flowers,” Evelyn said, beaming at her impishly. 

“Hi, Evelyn. Will you please tell Alex to stop leaving flowers on my porch?” 

“Oh, I’m sorry, you’ll have to tell Alex that yourself. Enjoy,” she said, winking before she closed the door. Gemma sorely carried them back to her house and set them back on the porch. Later on that afternoon she would carry them in the house and let the aroma envelop her kitchen. The gladiolas really were beautiful. 

__________________________________________________________________________ 

Gemma rolled over in bed as the squeak of the gate woke her. She groaned and looked at the clock. It wasn’t even six o’clock yet. Getting up before Gemma… that was a real feat. She heard his sneakers crunching against the gravel as he walked past her bedroom window and back through the gate. Her heart was racing. Gemma hopped out of bed and came out to the porch. 

There, the most splendid bouquet she’d received that week sat waiting for her. Beautiful, pale pink dahlias, dotted with baby’s breath and tiny yellow blossoms, sat in a clear vase. They were too beautiful to take back to his house. She would admit this tiny defeat, she told herself, as she set them on the kitchen table next to the gladiolas and roses. 

There was a note nestled in the flowers. The sight of it made her stomach turn over. Most of her wanted to throw it in the trash and keep the flowers for herself. The small, reasonable part that had resumed control over Gemma’s brain told her that if she kept the flowers, she had to read the note. That’s how it worked. She sighed at herself. 

“‘Gemma, meet me after sundown at the place where you first left me spinning. Alex. PS, wear the dress.’ Now he’s telling me what to wear. Can you believe this shit?” she said to Storm. He merely sat and stared at her. “Don’t. Don’t be that way.” 

“What the fuck is he talking about? Spinning?” She stared at Storm. “Spinning… we don’t spin. That’s stupid.” 

It was like someone turned a light on. 

“Oh.” She walked to her closet and pulled a kelly green dress from its hanger. She was only going there to tell him to fuck off, she told herself. That he was being disrespectful of her wishes. The logical portion of her brain, which seemed to be growing, said that maybe she should have listened to what he had to say that night. Maybe if she’d listened, she would have saved herself some heartbreak. 

“Shut up,” she whispered to herself, braiding her amber hair into a long fishtail braid. 

Maybe if she’d listened, Alex would be the one zipping up her dress. 

“Nope,” she said. 

Maybe, if she would listen, she would be happy. 

She groaned at herself, throwing her hairbrush across the bathroom. Storm shied away from the clattering hairbrush and hid under the bed. “Stormy, I’m sorry. I’m being a little ridiculous, aren’t I?” 

Storm made a snorting sound under the bed. Yes, a little ridiculous, she thought. 

The sun was just setting over the trees as Gemma walked through the forest. It was oddly quiet. The birds must be migrating, she thought. It was true as the chill of autumn seemed to whistle through the branches of the trees, whisking beautiful red and oranges leaves away with it. It would be so stunning… if Gemma wasn’t so nervous. 

She wasn’t nervous about Alex. Alex… Alex got her. What she was nervous about was all the talking. Surely, the evening wouldn’t go by without some deep emotional discussion where she was sure that Alex would root himself even deeper in her heart. Screw the crowbar, she thought. That man would use the jaws of life to rip her wide open. 

As Gemma walked through the forest, she noticed little candles in glass votives hanging from the trees. They cast a gentle glow over the path itself with warm yellow lights that softly illuminated her surroundings. Storm and Dusty walked calmly at her side. Aside from the fact that they were a comforting presence, they wouldn’t leave her alone anyways, so they came along for the ride. 

The field where the flower dance was normally held was almost empty. Instead, candles lined the edge of the water where Alex and Gemma had once flung rocks into the river. She’d patiently waited for him as he melted down and allowed her to build him back up. This wasn’t the spot, though. A small light led her to the center of the field. It was Alex. He held the final candle in his hands as he smiled at her. 

“You figured it out, I’m so glad.” 

“You’re a big romantic doof, you know that?” 

“You’re welcome,” he said with a smile. “You like it?” 

“I…” she said, looking around. The candles seemed to cast a magical light on the field. She noticed them everywhere. Dotting the trees, nestled in the grass, they twinkled like summer fireflies. Her stomach felt like it was filled with them. 

“It’s beautiful,” she whispered. “Alex, I’m so sorry.” 

“What are you sorry for? What could you possibly sorry for?” he laughed. 

“I should have listened to you. Even if I was mad, even if you DID kiss Haley and… you’re still my best friend and I owed you that.” 

“Well... “ he said, before taking a deep breath. “Really, it was all my fault. I shouldn’t have hugged her in the first place. I definitely gave her the wrong idea. I thought we could be friends…” 

“That was a terrible idea,” Gemma said, finishing his sentence. 

“It really fucking was,” he laughed. “I’ve been kicking myself ever since it happened.” 

“I haven’t been very forgiving, I was way too hard on you.” Gemma muttered. 

Alex set the candle carefully down on the ground before turning on the stereo that was placed near his feet. A jazzy, smooth song played from its speakers. It sounded familiar, very familiar. Gemma tried to place it, shaking her head at herself and smiling when she got it. 

“This is that song,” she said. 

He nodded, smiling a big grin at her. 

“How did you find it? I’m pretty sure this song is twice as old as we are,” she said skeptically. 

“Lewis. He gave me the Flower Dance mix.” 

“How long have you been planning this?” she said, looking around. The candles, the music, the moment… it felt like something she’d seen in a fairy tale she watched as a kid. She knew that Alex was a hopeless romantic. Her head was spinning. She was letting herself get caught up in it, she realized. She wondered if she was going to allow herself to do that. 

“I thought of it yesterday, I’ve been working on it all day. Don’t give me too much credit,” he said, holding his hand out. 

Yes, she was going to allow herself this, this one time. 

Alex pulled her close once she placed her hand in his. Her hand found a place on his chest as he gently held her waist. Gemma smiled to herself as they began to sway to the music. 

“I was so mad, you know. I was going to come here and tell you to go fuck yourself,” she whispered. 

“I know.” 

“I’m kind of mad at myself now for forgiving you,” she whispered. 

“You haven’t even given me a chance to properly apologize and you’ve already forgiven me?” 

“Shut up,” she giggled. Alex’s grip on her waist tightened, pulling her close enough so they were touching. Gemma’s heart felt like it was going to leap out of her chest or explode from nerves. She couldn’t decide. 

“Let’s hear it then, let’s hear your explanation or apology or whatever.” she muttered. She resisted the urge to lay her head on his chest. 

“Okay,” he said, taking a deep breath. She could feel his breath rise and fall as he held her close. “You need to know that what happened with Haley, I didn’t mean for that to happen. She had apologized to me for treating me like shit for years. It was genuine, I could hardly believe the words I was hearing. She started crying, and you know me. I’m a fucking sap. So I gave her a hug, and I guess she thought I wanted more. She apologized like crazy after it happened. She wanted to go to the farm and talk to you, but I asked her not to. I knew you’d just get angrier.” 

Gemma looked up at him and nodded. It made sense. Perfect sense. That seemed like just the thing he would do. She remembered how he’d comforted her when she was upset. Alex wanted others to feel good and forget their worries. She loved his soothing nature. Even now, his voice was calming. 

“I didn’t know what to do. When I left… when you threw the flowers… I knew I really fucked up. Or that it was fucked up. I still say that what happened, I didn’t mean for it to and it was all so messed up. Gemma, you’re so important to me. I never thought about us in that way before, but that night when I went to your house and you let me crash on your couch… I just knew. I knew we should be together. As more than friends.” 

Alex’s voice began to waver as he began speaking about the flowers. She’d never heard his voice falter like that. It was like he was living the moment all over again. Gemma instantly regretted overreacting. She wished she hadn’t thrown the flowers. She wished she’d listened, because rational, logical Gemma was right. She would have been happy if she’d just listened. Instead, she just felt guilty. Gemma’s hand gripped Alex’s shirt as she leaned into him. 

It was so good to know that he’d felt the same way. That he wanted more than just friendship. Their friendship was so important to her, but the more time they’d spent, the more she wanted, well, more. More, more, more. Gemma’s brain swum as she tried to take the feelings in her brain and put them into words. It was frustrating. She held onto his hand tightly and leaned into him as she tried to sort it out in her head. 

“Alex, I… fuck. I’m bad at this, I’m sorry.” Gemma leaned her forehead against his chest and laughed at herself. The song had ended. Only the sound of the autumn breeze rustling through the trees was left. Alex held Gemma in his arms gently, like he would stop at any second if she said so. He must have thought she might deny him. Little did he know that she wanted this more than anything. 

“I want this, too.” 

Alex sighed a happy sigh as he wrapped his arms around her in a hug. 

“Are you scared?” She whispered. 

“More excited,” he said. “I’ve been thinking about this for awhile now. What, are you scared?” 

“A little…” 

“Gemma,” he whispered, pulling back and cupping her face in his hands. He smiled tenderly. His cheeks were a rosy pink. “Don’t be scared. It’s gonna be so, so good. I promise.” 

Gemma’s heart fluttered as he look into her eyes. He felt like his eyes pierced her last line of defenses and looked straight into her soul. The last bit of air her lungs held escaped as he smiled at her. She could only whisper his name before he bent over to kiss her. 

It was so, so good.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like what is probably the longest chapter to date. ;)

Alex felt like if he jumped right now, he’d fly. His blood rushed and his heart pumped as he kissed Gemma. It was better than any adrenaline spike from any workout, better than beating all his personal bests. Gemma was his personal best. 

As he kissed her, his brain flooded with images, ideas, fantasies about their future together. This was only the beginning. He was sure of it. As he held her tight after, her delicate body pressed against his, he felt happy. Truly, deeply happy. 

Gemma pulled away to look at him. Her emerald eyes looked at him with longing as she bit her lip. Her hands grazed his cheeks. She looked as if she wanted to say something. What it would be, Alex had no idea, but when he looked into her eyes, it was freefall. Instead of flying, he was falling into an endless pit of belonging and desire. 

“Alex,” she whispered, her nose brushing against his as she stood on her tiptoes to rest her forehead against his. It felt like an electric current was coursing through his skin and when they touched, it was like she was conducting it. He bent over to lift her up to eye level and pressed his lips against hers, feverishly kissing her mouth and neck. She gasped as he lifted her and wrapped her arms around his neck. 

“You’re amazing,” he whispered to her. Gemma blushed and shook her head. He wished she wouldn’t protest. He stopped her before she could speak. “Gemma, you’re amazing to me.” 

Gemma’s eyes sparkled as she looked him. The look of adoration on her face, the way she felt in his arms, it was all so good. He wished he could immortalize this moment in his mind. He was afraid he would forget it someday. She kissed him and set his brain on fire as her tongue slipped between his lips to meet his. Her fingers were in his hair, her tongue was in his mouth, and he held her tightly as their kisses were frantic and passionate. 

“Alex,” she whispered. “Come home with me.” 

He nodded yes quickly and kissed her again before setting her on her feet. He grabbed her hand and started walking out of the field. 

“Alex, all your stuff…” she worried. 

“It’s all good, I’ll come back for it later,” he said. It felt like he had tunnel vision. Sure, he worried about the candles for a moment, but the clouds in the sky said he wouldn’t have to worry for long. There were much more important things on his mind right now. The way her hips felt around his waist. Gemma’s tongue in his mouth. Gemma said she sucked at telling him how she felt… she obviously was good at expressing herself in other ways. 

Alex pulled Gemma close as they walked through the forest. It couldn’t have gone any better. He felt like he was still catching his breath from the last few days. It had been a complete rollercoaster, but his faith in his feelings for her was the driving force that kept him grounded. He knew that if he just had faith and waited, that it would work out. Gemma was emotional, sure, but she was still a logical person. 

“I’m so glad you came,” he whispered as he held her hand. 

“Me too,” she replied. Alex kissed the top of her head as he threw his arm over her shoulder. 

“I was really nervous waiting for you,” he said. “I was afraid you weren’t going to come.” 

“I… I was nervous too. There was this angry, angry voice in my head that just wanted to hate you. I feel like I came to my senses though. I was being a little ridiculous.” 

“Nah, I think I would’ve freaked out too if I’d seen you kissing someone else, like Sam or something.” 

“You picked him? Out of all the singles in town?” she laughed. 

“He’s the only one I’ve really seen you with, okay?” he retorted. 

“Calm down, I’m just teasing,” she said. She squeezed his hand. 

Goddamn, he loved this. He loved holding her in his arms. He loved listening to her tease him and reassure him with a gentle squeeze to the fingers. He loved kissing her. He loved her laugh. He loved everything about her and everything to do with her. 

Gemma fumbled with the keys at her door. It wasn’t until now that Alex noticed that her hands were trembling. He put his hands on her waist as he leaned over her shoulder and kissed her cheek. She breathed deeply before sliding the key into the lock and turning it. She turned around to kiss him. Alex pressed her against the door as he kissed her back and Gemma whimpered as he did so. 

“Are you sure you want this?” Alex whispered, holding her trembling hands in his. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.” 

Gemma closed her eyes and shook her head. “I want this.” 

“Then what’s wrong?” 

“I just… I… I like you so much, I’m so nervous, I’m worried about if I do something wrong, or if you don’t… ugh,” she groaned. She looked away from him as she covered her face. 

“Gemma, no, don’t… I need you close,” he whispered as he placed a tender kiss on her lips. There was a long pause before she responded. 

“I like you so much and I’m afraid of changing everything, what if we don’t click, what if after all of this it doesn’t work out?” she fretted. 

“Gemma, I’m not going anywhere. No one can expect perfection the first time around. Neither of us are perfect. Things aren’t going to be smooth sailing all the time, but I’m willing to give this my best shot if you are.” 

“I am,” she whispered. Her voice wavered as she looked up into his eyes. 

“Then, for now, it’s perfect,” Alex said as he pulled the keys from the door. “Can we go inside?” Gemma nodded and opened the door. Alex closed it behind them as they stepped inside. He smiled as he saw the flowers on the table. She’d accepted all of them. There was hardly any room for anything else on her table. 

“I like your flowers,” he said. 

“You gave me so many! Why?” she laughed. 

“I decided I’d just give you a bouquet every day until you finally agreed to talk to me. So I could ask you if you’d be mine.” 

“There he is again. Romeo." she laughed. 

Alex chuckled. There she was. Coy, playful Gemma. Her smile warmed his heart. 

“Gemma, be my girlfriend?” 

Her face twisted into a coy half-smile as she blushed. 

“Yes,” she said, smirking at him. 

Alex whooped before scooping Gemma up in his arms. She squealed as he lifted her effortlessly. Gemma kissed him happily as he carried her into the bedroom. He quietly closed the door behind them as he set her on her feet. 

As the door shut behind them it was like time slowed down. Gemma went to light the candle that sat on her nightstand. As the wax melted, the scent of lavender filled the room and its flickering light set the mood. She turned to look at him, her eyelashes fluttering as she smiled. 

______________________________________________________________________________ 

Gemma’s stomach tied itself in knots. The physicality of their relationship was growing exponentially, not that she could complain. It did make her nervous, though. It had been such a long time since she felt so close to another person. This was natural, this was good, she told herself. It wasn't a bad thing to be close to someone. Her heart fluttered like a fledgling trying to fly as she thought about it. 

She was his girlfriend now. He was hers, and no one else’s. 

Alex took a deep breath. As he did so, he grinned and bit his lip. 

“What?” she said shyly. 

“I’m just enjoying the view.” He said. 

Gemma’s lips twisted into a half-smile as she sat on the bed and patted the spot next to her. Alex sat next to her and reached for her face, cupping her cheek in his hand as he looked into her eyes. His eyes seemed to pierce her defenses and bring them crumbling down. She felt absolutely naked. 

The kiss they shared next was unlike any of the others that preceded it. Alex brushed the flyaways from Gemma’s face and tenderly stroked her cheek before placing the most delicate of kisses on her lips. She felt as if all the air had rushed out of the room; no matter how much she breathed, her head spun and her heart raced. His kiss seemed to emanate tenderness and affection. 

Alex kissed her again and again. She was so lucky. Lucky that he was so forgiving, and kind… Gemma had been so stubborn, so brick-headed, and yet here he was, kissing her like no one else ever had. 

She had always had an easier time expressing affection physically rather than verbally. Kisses could say what words could not. When she kissed him next, she tried her best to show it, to show that she cared, that she needed him. Her hands went to the back of his neck and she crawled into his lap. 

It must have been convincing. She could feel his smile against her lips as he laid back on the mattress. Gemma continued to kiss him passionately as she crouched over him, straddling his hips. Alex’s hands casually pushed her dress up as his palms glided over her back. She purred as his warm hands caressed her skin. Gemma allowed him to pull her dress over her head and toss on the floor beside the bed. 

His hands dropped to her hips as he took her in. He stared at the curves of her body as his eyes settled on her chest. Alex reached up to trace over her skin with his fingertips, giving her goose bumps. 

“They’re everywhere. Your freckles.” 

“You’ve never been close enough to see them before,” she teased with a whisper. 

He smirked at her as he pulled her down into a deep kiss. Their tongues clashed as Alex kissed her in a frenzy and his finger tips sunk into her skin. Gemma fiddled with the hem of his shirt, trying to slip her hand underneath it. Alex sat up with Gemma in his lap to let her pull it over his head. His tan skin was hot under her fingertips and his muscles instinctively flexed as she ran her fingers over his bare chest. She kissed his neck and chest hungrily as he held her close. Alex’s fingers wrestled with her bra clasp. She giggled as he struggled until she heard a pop. 

“Shit, I just broke your bra,” he muttered, still holding it in place. 

“It’s okay, I needed a new one anyway.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay! You’re fine,” she whispered, kissing his cheek. She pulled the bra away from his hands and tossed it on the floor. His hands rested on her hips as they kissed, but migrated slowly upward until they rested on her ribcage. 

“Can I?” 

Gemma placed her hands on top of his and guided them over her breasts. Alex was skilled, unsurprisingly, as he massaged her nipples with his thumbs until they were hard. He kissed down her neck and shoulders until he hovered around her nipples, kissing around them until she grabbed at his hair. He smirked before his lips finally wrapped around one. He sucked and bit gently until Gemma whimpered. 

“Oh, I like that. I really like that,” he said, looking up at her with a devious grin. 

“You’re not the only one,” Gemma murmured to him as she dismounted. She unbuttoned his jeans and shimmied them down his legs. His erection was rock-hard and tenting his black boxer-briefs. It was a lot bigger than she expected. The nerves were back again, fluttering around in her stomach. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, casually putting hand over his erection. 

“I just… I don’t think I’ve ever been with someone as big as you before,” she blurted, blushing and covering her mouth. 

“I’ll be gentle, I promise.” Alex’s hands glided over her soft skin, giving her goosebumps. His lips grazed over her torso, kissing down her stomach until he reached the hem of her underwear. Alex delicately pulled them down as he kissed down to the edge of her labia. He teased her with kisses. “Lay down,” he whispered. 

Gemma obeyed, laying down in the center of her mattress. He stood up to take off his boxers. Her heart was beating hurriedly as she watched him crawl over her until they were face to face. Alex gave her a kiss before slipping his thumb in his mouth to wet it and then rubbing it against her clit. She gasped. Gemma had touched herself plenty of times before, but being touched by another person like that was rare and sensational. 

Alex kissed her gently as he massaged her clit with his thumb. He searched for her opening with his pointer and index finger and slipped them inside. She was soaking wet from anticipation of this moment. Alex stroked her gently as she trembled underneath him. 

He must have been able to sense her anxiety. He gently caressed her face with his free hand as he kissed and fingered her. His touch was comforting to her. She pushed her face into his palm to kiss it before looking at him. 

“I’m ready,” she whispered. 

Alex nodded and kissed her before taking his hard-on and pressing the tip against her opening. 

“Wait, we need a condom.” 

“I’m on the pill, no worries.” 

“Okay,” he whispered excitedly. Alex gently pushed the tip against her until it began sliding inside of her. They kissed passionately as she frantically ran her hands up his back and into his hair. It was almost too much. She took a sharp breath in as his pelvis pushed against her clit. 

“You alright?” he said worriedly, looking her in the eye. Gemma only nodded as she clung to him. The pain was overcome by the pleasure as he slowly pushed his cock in and out of her. Little waves of pleasure radiated through her as he gently fucked her. He pressed his forehead against hers and held her face in his hands as he quickened his speed. 

She whimpered his name as she lifted her hips to meet his. Their rhythm matched and Alex grinned at her as Gemma’s grip on his shoulders tightened, her fingernails sinking into his skin. He swiftly sat up, pulling her with him, cradling her against him in his arms as he lowered her down onto his cock. The little waves of pleasure suddenly turned into big ones. She began to tremble against him as he picked up speed again until he was fucking her as fast as he could. 

The pleasure was overwhelming as Gemma orgasmed. The sensation rushed from her pelvis all the way up to brain and saturated it as she rolled her head back and held onto Alex tight. She heard him hum with pleasure as he kept up the pace. She relinquished any control she had left over her body to him as she rode each wave to its end. 

Gemma panted as Alex wrapped his arms around her and slowed the pace. She opened her eyes to find him watching her intently. She smiled as he laid down and let her straddle him. His hands rested on her hips as she slowly rode his cock. Alex’s expression was one of adoration. Her instinct was to look away, but she chose to fight it as she smiled tenderly at him. 

“Come here,” he whispered, “let me kiss you.” 

His arms enveloped her in their warm embrace as they held each other. Gemma kept her slow and steady pace, slipping him out nearly completely and then back inside of her. His breath rattled against her lips as they kissed and his hands cupped her ass. Alex’s body began trembling, but Gemma slowed even more as she didn’t want him to come yet. She didn’t know how much she had been longing for this kind of intimacy with another person and she wasn’t about to give it up yet. 

“I want you Gemma, I need you Gemma,” he whispered. “Gemma…” 

She laid her head against his chest and he took the lead. He started pumping into her harder until she could hear the sound of his flesh colliding with hers. Gemma’s head began to spin as she got closer and closer until she came, writhing on top of him from the sensation of his hard cock inside her. Alex’s hips spasmed as he came and with it came another wave of orgasm. They both were panting. Gemma was about to slip his cock out, but Alex held her tightly against his chest. 

“Not yet,” he breathed. 

Gemma spread her fingers against his chest and relaxed her body, sliding his cock back inside her and giving them both the shivers. Alex laughed and sighed as he gently rubbed Gemma’s back. Her skin was hot and damp against his. An incredible sense of belonging rippled through her as they held each other. Here she laid with her boyfriend, deep inside her, as they clung to each other as if their lives depended on it. 

Alex softened and slipped out. He rolled over on his side, taking her with him. Gemma sighed and closed her eyes as she wrapped her arms around his neck. 

“You good?” He murmured, stroking her hair. 

“Mhmmm… you good?” 

“Better than good,” he said. He kissed her forehead before resting his head on the pillow to look at her. Gemma grinned back at him. The waves of pleasure combined with a feeling of happiness that rooted itself deep in her chest were enough to keep her smiling at him through the butterflies. She took a deep breath before whispering to him. Just uttering the words made her stomach twist in knots tighter than the anticipation of sex did. 

“You make me really happy.” 

Alex smiled as he leaned over to blow out the candle. Gemma curled her body against Alex’s. He put an arm under her head and one over her waist. She felt him nestle his face in her hair and inhale slowly and deeply. 

Alex was fast asleep long before Gemma was. His deep, steady breathing against her back was alien, unreal. This was yet another first for her. She’d never allowed herself this kind of intimacy with another person for fear of getting her heart broken. Better safe than sorry, she always said, but here Alex was, sleeping in her bed and holding her in his arms. She loved it, the warm, secure feeling that sleeping with another person gave her. 

The only thing that worried her was how long it would last. How long would it last before they fought again? Before one of them said something in the heat of the moment that they couldn’t take back? They’d already done it once before. Twice, if she counted what had happened all throughout this week. They were always on some kind of tipping point. She realized it was up to them to find the balance that would drive it home. 

Gemma pulled Alex’s hand close to her heart before falling asleep in his embrace.


	18. Chapter 18

Alex would be convinced that the evening before was just a dream if it weren’t for Gemma asleep in his arms. It was like the fantasies he’d dreamed up late at night when he thought about her the most- passionate, sexy, and emotional. He and Gemma communicated on some kind of wavelength that didn’t require verbal communication. To him, it felt like they just knew what the other wanted. 

Then there was Gemma. Beautiful, sweet Gemma. He felt needed when he was around her. Like a protector. She’d said that he made her happy… That she needed him. She’d never let him in like that before. Gemma maintained a very balanced and cool composure, normally. Everything that she had said to him the night before bounced around in his head. Gemma was like a black hole; she’d been drawing him in since high school and here she was, pulling him into her singularity. There was no escape- not that he wanted to, anyway. 

He tried to quiet his brain by holding Gemma close and just enjoying the feeling of her skin against his. Her long eyelashes fluttered against her freckled cheeks as she slept. She must be dreaming, he thought. Alex gently brushed the hair from her face. He wondered if she knew how much he liked her. How, even now, he was falling for her, more than he ever thought he would. Alex was just grateful that he was going to get his chance to show her how things could be now that they were together. 

Gemma stirred from her sleep, breathing deeply as she awoke. She rolled over to face him, her eyes heavy with sleep. Alex chuckled as she pressed her face into his chest and groaned. 

“Make it nighttime again. I hate the sun.” 

“Aw, Gem, I always thought you were a morning person.” 

“Mm-mm.” she grumbled, pulling the sheets over their heads. 

“I remember someone promising me a better breakfast the next time I slept over…” he insinuated. 

“Oh God, I did.” 

Alex laughed. “I guess I can let you go back on your first ever promise to me. Whatever.” 

Gemma sighed. “Can I take a shower first?” 

“Only if I can join you…” he teased, kissing her neck. Gemma purred and wrapped her arms around him. 

She felt so good. 

“Okay,” she said, kissing him once more before getting out of bed. Alex watched her walk away, the sunlight streaming in through the window bouncing off her curves. Alex hurriedly followed her into the bathroom. She’d turned on the shower and was waiting for it to heat up when he came in. 

His arms folded around her waist as he hugged her from behind. A little nagging voice in his brain told him, don’t be too clingy, you’ll scare her off. How could he not, though? Alex's mind was put at ease when she looked over her shoulder at him with shy adoration. He held her hand as she stepped over the edge of the tub and into the shower, following close behind. 

The water was hot and steam quickly filled the bathroom as they showered. He watched as Gemma stuck her face under the water, allowing it to run over her face and hair. 

“What are your plans today?” Alex asked as he scrubbed his scalp with her hibiscus shampoo. He knew the smell would hang around all day, reminding him of her. 

“It’s gift day.” 

“What?” he said incredulously. 

“Yeah, I make so much stuff, and Haley paid me back, I figure it’s time to give a little back. Plus I need to talk to Robin about building that hutch. And then I was going to try to actually relax today,” she laughed. 

“Hmmm,” he said. 

“What?” she laughed. 

“It sounds like you’re gonna need a lot of help relaxing and being friendly or whatever,” he said. She smiled at him flirtatiously. 

“You can hang around if you want,” she said. “I don’t mind.” 

“Lucky me,” he said, grabbing the bar of soap. He massaged her wet skin with it and got it foaming with his hands. The feel of her skin was smooth and soapy. Alex enjoyed working the soap into her skin as its aroma filled the shower. Gemma smiled as she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him. 

“Lucky me,” she whispered. 

“I actually bought stuff for this,” she said, leaning over and looking in her refrigerator. Alex was fiddling with her french press. 

“How the fuck do you use this thing?” he cursed. 

“You just screw the screen on the thing and fill it with hot water and coffee grounds,” she said as if everyone did this every day. 

“Nope. I don’t get it… oh. There. This should not have been that hard..” 

Gemma was bent over the griddle on her stove, trying to light it. She cursed at it. Alex could hear the pilot light clicking over and over again. The old flame exploded to life underneath the burner. Gemma backed up quickly. 

“That thing is terrifying,” he muttered as Gemma cracked eggs into the sizzling pan. “Tell me you don’t use this thing every day.” 

“Every day…” 

“How have you not blown yourself up yet?” 

“I’m just lucky,” she said. 

Gemma finished cooking breakfast as Alex went outside to check on the dogs. Dusty’s tail wagged as he chased Storm around the yard. Alex found a tennis ball hiding in the green, wispy grass and hurled it across the field. This was so nice, waking up with Gemma, enjoying time with Dusty… even though it was the first time this had ever happened, Alex thought it might be a nice kind of normal. A kind of normal that other people had and lived in on a daily basis. To think that he could have that almost seemed inconceivable, but here he was, living it. 

Usually the arrival of the jellyfish signaled the inevitable creep of fall into the valley. Thankfully, summer decided to stick around a little while longer. The air still smelled hazy and the cicadas filled the air with their endless chirps. Fall and winter were unavoidable, but for now, Alex could still enjoy the summer air and its vitality. The sticky heat of the air clung in his nostrils, its humidity filling his lungs. Its grassy taste tickled his tongue with its delightful, fragrant flavor. Summer was the best. It was too bad that it was ending soon. 

“Alex, breakfast,” Gemma called from the window. 

Yeah, this could be a very nice kind of normal. 

After breakfast, Gemma led Alex out to an ancient shed on the corner of the property. Sadly, it was the second-best looking building on the property aside from the farmhouse. The door creaked and dust fell from the ceiling as they walked inside. There were several ancient-looking chests inside, as well as a small chest freezer. 

“I’m convinced this farm is going to kill you between the exploding stove and the buildings falling apart.” Alex said. 

“Eh, life will take me when it’s ready,” She shrugged. 

“Don’t say that. Don’t you dare.” 

She giggled nefariously as she started rooting around in a chest. It seemed like the old container would consume her as she hung over its lip, legs hanging in mid-air. Gemma was digging for something frantically. 

“What’s this?” she asked, pulling a photo out of the very bottom of the chest. Gemma held it close to her face as she inspected it. Alex could only see the backside, but it looked really old. Its yellowy surface was scratched and stained. 

“A picture? Of what?” Alex said, leaning over her shoulder. It was a picture of Ben and a little girl. Ben looked a lot younger. The only reason why Alex knew it was him was his distinct hand tattoos- a sickle on the left hand and a beet on the right. His hands were resting on the shoulders of the little girl. Her amber hair was tied up in pigtails and her emerald eyes sparkled in the sun as she smiled. Despite its wrinkled, aging image, there was no mistake of who the little girl was. 

“Oh. Little Gem and Ben. You were so cute,” Alex said. 

“That’s not me.” 

“Yeah, it is! Look at you! Amber hair, green eyes, that kid looks just like you.” Alex said. 

“Yeah, but look at her face. No scar.” 

“You don’t have a scar.” Alex said incredulously. 

“Not really, anymore, it’s faded since then. But I had a scar when I moved onto the farm with Grampa.” 

“From what?” Alex said, holding her face in his hands, looking carefully. He could see a scar, faint as a spiderweb, starting at the inner corner of her eye and ending near her earlobe. Who could let a small child mar their face so badly, he didn’t know. Alex traced it carefully with his thumb. Gemma's eyes were focused on him, but her stare seemed far off. She quickly looked back to the photo to examine it once more. 

“I don’t know. Ben always said I had it before he got me,” she said, staring at the photograph. “Alex, I think this is my mom.” 

Gemma was mesmerized. She looked at the photo as if she was peeking at a hidden treasure that she’d just discovered. Her eyes, enchanted by the image, seemed magnetized to it. 

“She looks just like me,” Gemma mumbled. 

“You don’t know what your mom looks like?” Alex asked, putting a hand on Gemma’s shoulder. Gemma only shook her head. Alex felt almost disturbed by her fascination with it. He was reminded of medusa and their victims- turned to stone as they looked upon her hideous surprise. Alex reminded himself that Gemma wasn’t with her mom for as long as he was with his. He knew he couldn’t understand what it was like to look at your mother’s face for the first time after 21 years were lived without her. 

“Hey, let’s get going, the dust in here is bugging me,” he suggested. “Here, give me your stuff.” 

Gemma handed him a huge box of assorted goods and other items absentmindedly. She felt herself over, looking for a pocket to stash the photo in, but she couldn’t find one. “Will you hold this for me?” she asked, handing it to him carefully as if she was handing him something far more delicate than the photo. Alex nodded and tucked it into his jeans pocket. The two walked off the farm quietly as Gemma stared off into the distance. Alex took her hand and stroked her thumb with his index finger. To him, it felt like Gemma was a million miles away. 

“What’s your mom’s name?” Alex asked. 

“Holly. Holly Stills,” she said. 

“That’s nice. Holly. Reminds me of winter,” Alex said. 

“She was born on Wintersday, I guess. I don’t really know. I never met my grandma, and Ben didn’t like to talk about Holly.” 

Seems like lost mothers is a family tradition, Alex thought. He couldn’t think of a life as a child without his mother. She had always comforted him when he was sad, fed him when he was hungry, fixed him up when he hurt himself… she’d supported him. Who had supported Gemma? Ben, surely, but no one can replace your mom, he thought. 

“What are you thinking about?” Alex asked. 

“My mom. Or lack thereof.” Gemma muttered. Her eyes were distant and the corners of her mouth were turned down in a frown. 

“Hey, you and I both didn’t have moms for part of our lives, and we turned out okay, I think,” he said with a smile, jiggling her hand in his, trying to snap her out of her stupor. “At least you did.” 

“You’re the one going to college with the promise of a pro-gridball career,” Gemma said. “You’ve turned out excellently. I’ve got a ways to go.” 

“No one’s rushing you, do your thing, Gem,” Alex said as he kissed her on the head. Gemma smiled and laughed. “There we go, I was wondering when I was gonna see that smile again today.” 

Gemma rolled her eyes as the two stopped in the plaza so Gemma could root around in her box. Alex huffed as she dug. 

“Did you pack presents for the whole town in here?” 

“Give or take a couple people. Oh, there they are,” Gemma said, digging up a bag of fluffy white mystery and some fruit. Alex followed as she went into the Saloon. 

“Afternoon, Gemma, Alex,” Gus said, leaning against the counter. Emily was humming to herself as she wiped down menus. “What can I get you today?” 

“I have something for you,” Gemma said excitedly. “Emily, I have something for you, too.” 

“Oh, I knew it. I could sense your generous nature when you walked in, Gemma,” Emily said, bouncing over. “Hey, Alex. It’s good to see you!” 

“Hey, Em.” Alex said, a bit taken aback by her enthusiastic greeting. He’d expected sisters to take sides during a break-up, but that was just like Emily to remain neutral. She had always been more mature than Haley. 

“What have you been up to?” 

“Just studying for placement exams at Zuzu U.” 

“You’re going to college??” Emily squealed. “Oh, that’s so wonderful! Good for you!” 

“Thanks,” he mumbled as Gemma handed over their gifts. Gus eyed the oranges excitedly and Emily rubbed what Alex assumed was wool on her face. 

“Oh, Gemma, this is lovely… where did you get it?” 

She shrugged. “I found it in the shed when I was cleaning it out. It’s old, but it looks well cared for. Ben must have sheared it from Charlie before he died.” 

“Oh! Lil’ Charlie! That sheep was so cute. Thank you Gemma. I can’t wait to spin it. It was good to see you, Alex, don’t be a stranger, okay?” 

“Alright.” 

“Emily was nice,” Alex muttered as they left the Saloon. 

“Emily is always nice, weirdo. Did you expect her to shun you or something?” 

“Kinda, yeah.” 

“Nah, too dramatic for her. She’s way more forgiving than Haley. Those two are polar opposites.” 

Gemma, of course, was right. Alex had become too accustomed to things having to be swooped up in some dramatic scheme or being blown drastically out of proportion. What would seem small was far too important to let go of or forget about. Gemma was a lot like Emily, he thought. She was quick to see the sense in something and let it go most of the time. He tried to remind himself that that was normal. 

They spent the afternoon hopping from place to place around town, dropping off gifts and chatting with the townsfolk. Gemma was, he decided, ridiculously friendly despite her cautious nature. She liked to be kind and be given kindness in return. He could see it as she smiled her big, beautiful smile at almost everyone she saw. 

Even though he’d known Gemma for years before she left, getting to know her all over again was like meeting a new person with old memories. Knowing her intimately was so different from just being friends with her. He wondered how much their relationship would change. He loved being with her, but he worried that too much of their friendship would change and they’d lose it to a fling. 

Was it a fling? It didn’t seem like it last night. Although, he could see how it was easy to think that when her body was entangled with his and she was moaning his name. Sex made it seem intimate, but when he thought about it, they had just become good friends again and it went from there straight to sex. He was beginning to hate this new, nervous part of him. As more things in his life became serious, it grew. Like it was a weed and the natural flow of life was its fertilizer. He calmly reminded himself that they’d taken the step last night, that she was his girlfriend. They were together, in every sense of the word. 

So how was he to know? He had no control over how Gemma felt. Alex couldn’t look inside her mind and read it, as much as he wanted to. While Gemma was fairly transparent, he couldn’t help but feel like there was a side to her she hadn’t shown yet. That had been evident enough from her reaction to the photograph. Inside that stubborn, bright girl was someone who was afraid, someone who lacked intimacy with others and knew it. He wondered if she’d ever really, truly been close to someone. 

If not, he wondered if he’d be that first someone. 

The sun was low in the sky when they returned to Stills farm. Alex and Gemma had decided to retire to the hammock. It was warm and sunny where they lay. Gemma rested her head on Alex’s shoulder as she turned to face him. Alex let his hand rest of the small of her back. He stared up at the branches swaying gently in the breeze as he was entrenched in thought. 

“Have you ever been in love?” Alex asked. 

Gemma lay still for a long time before answering. He wondered if she was even awake for a minute before she answered. Her voice was very quiet, almost timid. 

“No. Have you?” 

“I thought I was. But in the end… I think I wanted to love her. I was in love with the idea of love. You kind of have to get love back to want to give love, I think.” 

“That makes sense,” Gemma whispered. “It’s scary though.” 

“What is?” 

“Giving love freely. Sometimes it feels like it’s so easy to lose it. So easy to get hurt.” 

“If it was easy, it wouldn’t be worth it.” 

It was like he could feel Gemma retreating inward. She rolled away, laying flat on her back, staring up at the tree like she was looking for something within the shadows of the leaves above. Alex knew he’d touched on a nerve, but he didn’t yet know if it was a good one or a bad one. 

“Are you afraid of me, Gemma?” 

“You’re not scary.” she scoffed. 

“You know what I mean,” he said curtly. 

“.... Yeah. It’s like… I don’t know what I’m doing. I like you and that’s scary.” she muttered. Her arms crossed across her chest like she was holding herself. Alex rolled over to face her and rested his hand on her stomach. 

“Why?” 

She sighed. “I don’t know, I guess I’m afraid that I’m going to get too close and then something bad will happen and you’ll leave me.” 

Alex smiled wistfully. It was bittersweet. He loved that she cared enough to be afraid. It broke his heart a little to know that she’d learned to be afraid of being close to someone. He’d had an inkling that that was the case from the night before. All he wanted was to make her feel certain that he wasn’t leaving anytime soon. 

“I’m not going anywhere, not as far as I’m concerned,” he said gently as he smiled at her. The look Gemma gave him was fearful. Her lips were pursed tightly like she’d swallowed a pill wrong. He leaned over and kissed her. Her breath fluttered across his cheeks as she exhaled, relaxed her stiff lips, and kissed back. Alex slid his arm under her shoulders to hold her tight as his other hand toyed with the hem of her skirt. 

“I promise,” he whispered. 

Gemma nodded quickly and pulled him down for another kiss as his hand slipped under her skirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :) comment, kudo, whatever, I'm terrible at asking people for things.


	19. Chapter 19

Gemma sat in the attic of the old farm house, her hair tousled and covered in dust. A dim kerosene lamp, its glass house coated in grime, filled the attic with the scent of burning fuel and dust. Gemma could hear mice feet scampering and skittering with fear as she feverishly ripped through old cardboard boxes. Piles of old papers and photos littered the floor along with the crumpled remains of boxes Gemma had already gotten to. 

They all were empty, rid of any evidence that Holly Stills had even existed. Gemma’s fingernails began to ache as she tore the tape off of yet another box. The dust that coated their surfaces was pushed under her fingernails to a point of discomfort, but Gemma couldn’t stop. Not until she saw that face again. Her own face. 

Amber hair. 

Green eyes. 

Freckles. 

Even the way their cheeks dimpled when they smiled was similar. 

Gemma was beginning to lose hope. She’d dreamed of the face every night as it glimmered in the surface of a dark lake. Gemma would swim and swim, trying to touch it, but as she got closer, it would glide away until she lost the strength to reach it and drowned. She needed to see her again. Holly. Mom. It took effort for her to force that last word through her brain. It didn’t feel natural. 

Who Holly was to Gemma was an enigma. The woman who had given birth to her. The woman who was supposed to cherish and hold her close. The woman who chose the needle over life with her child. Gemma wasn’t angry. Not yet. What she was was confused. What she craved was understanding. 

She wanted to know why. Why did she do that? How could she do that? The few times Alex had talked about his mother, he had exalted and praised her. The relationship they had had was special and the memories were prized possessions of his. She wanted to know what it was like to love someone like that. Maybe if she could just see her face, if she could just remember her smile or laugh or even anger... she maybe would remember what that love was like. 

Every single box was useless. Void of memories or even a note from Holly to her grandfather. Gemma screamed in frustration as she hurled a shoebox full of receipts at the wall. It exploded like a firework, sending tattered remnants of the receipts everywhere. Storm and Dusty howled and barked at the strange sound and Emma’s yell. 

Gemma went downstairs to try to soothe them. The dogs anxiously paced at the bottom of the ladder leading to the attic and panted. Gemma stroked their backs and gave them kisses before putting her boots and jacket on. Fall was beginning to tease the air as its chilly breeze nipped the back of Gemma’s neck and stood the fine hairs on it up like corn stalks. 

The crisp evening did nothing to soothe Gemma’s mind as she walked briskly down the road to town. It was a little late, but the Saloon would surely be open. It always was on a Friday night. At least she had that going for her. The silence of the autumn evening was jarred by the loud music playing from the Stardrop Saloon as she opened the door. 

It felt like half the town was in there as Gemma, to her own surprise, realized she had never been in the Saloon on a Friday night. The Saloon would be a weird choice for her to make on an ordinary Friday evening, seeing as she wasn’t a drinker and it technically was a bar. As she looked around, she began to regret never having been in at that time. Everyone was lively and friendly. Several waved to her as she opened the door and she briskly waved back. 

“Evenin’, Gem, what can I getcha?” Gus said. 

“Just a cup of coffee, please,” she said, sitting at the bar. 

“Comin’ right up.” 

That’s what Gemma loved about Gus. No further questions, no judgment, just conversation and coffee. Gus had an old, kind soul. She’d known him as long as she could remember. He was Ben’s best friend. Gemma spent countless hours at the Saloon hiding under the pool table playing. 

“Is it always this busy on Fridays?” Gemma said as she looked around the bar. She could see so many friendly faces. Sam and Abigail waved her over from the pool room. Unfortunately, she wasn’t there to visit with them. 

“Yeah, it is,” he chuckled. “Ben never brought you on Fridays. Man believed you should be in bed by the time everyone shows up here.” 

“Gus, do you mind if we talk a little?” Gemma asked nervously. 

“Gem, I was actually surprised you hadn’t come around sooner,” the old man said, fidgeting with his moustache. 

“I know, Gus, I’m sorry…. It’s… it’s hard to be here.” 

“I know.” 

Gemma sank into her barstool and curled her fingers around the cup of coffee. It was so hot it hurt, but Gemma didn’t care. It was a new sensation compared to what she’d been feeling all evening. Gus patiently waited for her to speak as he poured some beers for Elliott and Leah. 

“Gus, do you know anything about my mom?” she blurted. 

Gus frowned as he wiped down the bar. “Em, can you take over for me for a little bit?” 

“Sure thing, Gus.” 

Emily manned the taps as Gus waved Gemma over to a booth. 

“Let’s not speak where the whole town’s listening, eh?” 

“Okay, okay. Can you tell-” 

“I’m getting there, girl, just be patient,” he said as he eased himself into the booth holding a frosty mug of beer. He took a long slurp and wiped the foam from his mustache before continuing. “Okay. Let’s go. Shoot.” 

Gemma fidgeted in her seat. She didn’t know what to ask first. She wanted to know what she liked, disliked, how she acted, what she smelled like… then there were the more complicated questions, like what had happened to her, why did she leave, how could she do that to her own daughter? 

“I guess… I just want to know. I want to know her.” 

“That’s kind of hard without meeting her face-to-face, Gemma, but I can’t advise that.” 

“But why not, Gus? Why can’t I find anything about her in Ben’s things? Why does this whole town pretend like she never existed, even though she grew up here? Why can’t I find anything, why don’t I know anything? I feel like my grandfather just wiped her existence clean from this place!” She exclaimed, growing louder and louder until she was yelling. Marnie and Lewis turned their heads to look at them over their shoulders. 

“Gem. I can only imagine how you feel about all this, but listen to me, your mother is pure vitriol. There’s only one good thing she’s done and that thing is sitting here in front of me hurting even now because of her.” 

“What happened?” 

Gus sighed. “Ben didn’t want you to know any of this.” 

“Obviously.” 

“Dammit Ben,” Gus cursed under his breath. 

“Gus?” 

“Do you remember how your grandfather ended up with you?” 

“Yeah, he picked me up at the police station where my mom was being held.” 

“That’s partially true.” Gus slurped at his beer as Gemma stared at him. “Truth is, your mom wasn’t there at all. Not right away, anyway.” 

“Huh?” Gemma said. She was confused- Ben had always told her that he picked her up at the station where Holly- Mom- was being held. 

“You heard me, Gem.” Gus said quietly. 

“Then where was she?” 

“Your mom… she was probably high as a kite in an alley somewhere.” he muttered, staring into his empty beer glass. “The police called your grandfather. A couple had found you hiding in a cardboard box and brought you into the station. No one’s seen your mother for a long, long time.” 

Gemma stared at the table. The wood grain swirled and swooped across its dark, shiny surface. She was trying to absorb the information Gus just gave her, but it felt impossible, unbelievable even. Her grandfather always painted the picture to make it seem as if Holly had a problem she couldn’t escape from. Gus’ story made it seem more like Holly made the problem and Gemma got carelessly caught up in the crossfire. Gemma swallowed thickly. 

“Ben always told me…” 

“That she was arrested at the hotel you two were living in, yes. You have to understand that Ben loved your mother, as terrible as she was. That he loved you and wanted to give you a better memory than what you had. Truth be told, your mother was a careless and selfish person.” 

She nodded robotically. She did understand Ben’s reasoning. He was only trying to protect her- just another thing she felt guilty for. If only she’d listened. If only she’d accepted instead of pushing him away and leaving. Tears welled in her eyes as she wiped her nose with her sleeve. 

“Ben just wanted you to have a better memory of her than what she gave you.” 

“Then why are you telling me all this?” she choked, trying not to cry. 

“Because Gem, you’re a grown-ass girl. Unlike your grandfather, I don’t have mercy for that woman and what she did to you. You deserve to know the truth so if that woman comes knocking you have the sense to turn her away. I don’t want to see her hurting you more. God forbid what she’d put in your mind to make herself look better or to get what she wants.” 

“Okay.” 

“I need you to tell me you’re good, Gemma. I don’t want to leave you, but I have to get back behind the bar.” 

“It’s okay, I’m good.” she lied. 

Gus squeezed her hand before slipping out of the booth and walking back behind the bar. He nodded to Emily and then to Gemma before chatting with Pierre. Gemma stared at him. Her brain felt like a static channel had just been flipped on. It filled her mind and resonated in her ears. 

She’d left her. Holly had abandoned her own daughter, just for a hit. 

Out of all the things Gemma was expecting to feel, worthless was not an emotion she would have chosen. Anger maybe would have been a good choice. Betrayal. Disbelief. Confusion. But never, ever worthless. Right now she felt fucking worthless. Gemma slid her arms back into her coat and hugged it around herself as she left the bar. 

Gemma stepped outside and felt lost. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t necessarily want to do anything. She needed to forget this feeling. The worthlessness needed to go away. The sickness bubbling in her belly crept up the back of her throat. Her heart ached. She felt exhausted from the emotional upheaval of it all, and yet her mind would not rest. 

She tried to think of something to distract herself. It was too late at night for farm work. She’d already gone for her run that day. She started to walk home, but it felt like her feet were moving of their own accord. It felt like she’d left her heart back in the booth at the Saloon. 

It wasn’t enough. There wasn’t enough in this world to make her forget. It wasn’t Gus’ fault- he was just trying to do what he thought was right. Gus would never do anything to purposefully hurt Gemma. She wished she hadn’t persuaded him to tell her, but there was nothing she could about it now. There wasn’t anything to quell the worthless that was creeping into the back of her mind. 

She checked her watch. It was six o'clock. They would still be awake. She hoped they wouldn’t mind her barging in unannounced. Gemma knocked briskly before stepping back away from the door. 

“Hello? Oh! Gemma! Hello, dear.” Evelyn said with a smile. “Come in, come in!” 

Gemma hung her coat on the rack when she entered. George, of course, was sitting in front of the television. Something smelled wonderful in the kitchen, despite her nausea. She wondered where Alex could be. He wasn’t in the kitchen or the living room. 

“Are you here for Alex, dear?” 

Gemma shrugged. “I was kind of just wandering.” 

“Well, I’m glad you wandered by,” Evelyn said, giving Gemma a hug. The little old lady barely stood as tall as Gemma’s shoulder, but her hug was warm and lovely. Gemma hugged her back tightly. 

“Me too, but it looks like you’re getting ready for dinner. I’m sorry to bother you.” Gemma said, grabbing her coat and heading for the door. 

“Nonsense, I have enough. Don’t you dare leave.” 

Gemma cautiously hung her hoodie back up and stood in the doorway. There was no escape now, she supposed. Her impromptu visit earned her a dinner invitation, which frankly, she did not want to pass up. Thinking of being home alone, letting this worthlessness continue seeping into her brain, did not sound appealing in the slightest. She plopped on the couch next to George. 

“What are we watching?” Gemma asked. 

“Livin’ off the Land,” he grumbled. 

“I like this show,” she said pleasantly. She really did. While it wasn’t her favorite, it was distracting… she needed distracting. Gemma hated to admit it to herself, but she did need other people, and even George fit the bill tonight. George perhaps did it even better than Evelyn did with his lack of conversation and his occasional harrumphs. 

“Gram, whatever you’ve got cooking smells delicious,” Alex called as he walked down the hall. Gemma’s heart skipped a beat and she wanted to retract into the sofa. Maybe blend into the wall like some kind of chameleon. Her heart had insisted on her coming here, in her moment of weakness. She had wanted to rely on him, like a crutch. Gemma hated herself for that. For needing Alex. 

“Gemma?” Alex said. His face was surprised to say the least. 

“Hey,” she said quietly. 

“Hi, I wasn’t expecting to see you tonight,” he said, sitting down on the couch next to her and tossing an arm over the back of the couch. Alex sat close. His body was warm compared to hers, which had just been out in the chilly air. At least he looks excited, she thought. 

“I wasn’t expecting to be here,” she murmured. He shot her a confused look. 

“What does that mean?” he whispered. 

“I’ll tell you about it later,” she muttered. She didn’t want to think about it right now. How could a person she didn’t even know make her feel like that? How could she let them? That was the worst part, in her opinion, that a stranger had ownership over her heart like that. That anyone could have authority over her feelings like that besides herself. Gemma didn’t even want to begin thinking about how Alex had wormed his way into her heart, deeply entrenched like the anchor of a barge floating by the coast. Having someone close enough to sense her pain was uncomfortable in itself. Like she wasn’t enough for herself anymore. 

“Dinner, folks, come and get it,” Evelyn called.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey people! The new semester has started and I've taken on a lot in order to get ready for grad school, so as the semester progresses, please forgive me if updates are late. I'm sorry in advance, I love you in advance, and thanks, as always, for all the kudos and comments. <3


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, domestic abuse and night terrors are touched on in this chapter.
> 
> Yeah, shit is getting real, I guess.

“Gemma.” 

“Gemma.” 

“Gemma.” 

The water felt cold against Gemma’s eyes and face as she swam. The voice came from all directions, and yet Gemma knew that if she just kept swimming, deeper and deeper, she would find it. The pressure against her eardrums was growing more and more painful the further she swam. The dark water she tried to navigate was cloudy and filled to the brim with tiny, swirling particles and creatures that floated among slimy, creeping tendrils of kelp. 

“Gemma.” 

A burst of light shined on a figure, a human body, curled and facing away from her. Its amber hair was swirled around its face, hiding its identity, and yet, the human was unmistakable. Gemma’s lungs ached for air as she got closer and closer, but there was no turning back. This was the closest she’d ever gotten since the figure had appeared in her dreams a week ago. She couldn’t turn back. 

“Gemma.” 

Gemma reached out and touched the figure’s icy cold flesh with her fingertips. A hand with long, grey fingers closed around her wrist, whisking her deeper into the dark water. Gemma struggled against it, but there was no fighting it. Her lungs ached as she tried her hardest to swim back to the dim light glittering above her and the creature. 

“Gemma.” 

The figure turned around to look at Gemma with its green eyes. Freckles dotted the rotting, stringy skin on its face. A hollow smile of rotting teeth was framed perfectly by its dimples. The long, cracked fingernails on its sinewy fingers closed on Gemma’s wrist, cutting into the skin. She could taste her own blood as the cloudy pink water swirled around. Gemma tried to scream as her mother’s free hand closed around her neck. The dark water consumed her and filled her lungs as she closed her eyes... 

“My precious girl,” it whispered, as panic consumed her and she could feel the cold water seeping into her lungs and filling them. She coughed and sputtered as the last of her air escaped her. 

“Gemma… Gemma!” 

The scream escaped Gemma’s lungs as Alex shook her awake. She laid in a cold, damp spot of sweat on her bedsheets, shaking and naked. Alex stroked her hair as she gasped for air. She could have sworn she was drowning. The water, the hand closing on her throat… it all felt so real. There had been no escape, and yet here she was, but it was so real, it was so unshakeable- 

The sensation of water in her lungs made her cough and sputter until her stomach could no longer handle it. She rushed to the bathroom as it expelled its contents into the bathtub. It was appalling. When she closed her eyes, the wall of water that suffocated her enclosed over face once more. Wheezing, she laid her blazing hot face against the cold porcelain wall of the tub. 

“Gemma,” Alex called from the bedroom.. A concerned tone cloaked his words. “Gemma, are you okay?” 

Gemma closed her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay, don’t be sorry,” he said reassuringly. As Gemma got her bearings, she realized it was still the middle of the night. They must not have been in bed long. She sighed regretfully as she realized she was just going to have to go back to sleep after that awful dream. 

“Are you sick?” 

Gemma only shook her head as she swallowed. Her throat ached. 

“I’ll be right back,” he said as he hurried out of the bathroom. 

Gemma got up from the bathroom floor, her knees shaking as she searched through the bathroom drawer for her mouthwash. She rinsed with it again and again until the bitter acid of vomit left her tongue and was replaced with the sterility of her mouthwash. She quietly walked into the kitchen. Thoughts of shame and embarrassment echoed in her skull like a hateful choir. 

“You doing okay?” Alex asked hesitantly. He had put the kettle on the stove. Making tea, she thought. He knew her well. 

“Better now.” she said absentmindedly, pulling the large, fluffy blanket Alex had used the first time he’d ever slept over out of her tiny hall closet. Gemma consciously chose not to wash it. It smelled like cloves and allspice, just like Alex. The earthy scent masked the hospital-like cleanliness that had embraced her tongue, and she was grateful for it, for anything to help her forget that awful choking sensation she’d had in her throat. 

“What happened?” 

“Nightmare,” she muttered. She curled up in the chair as she stared off into the distance. She knew she was awake and that the dream was over. What made her so uncomfortable was the fact that she’d had the dream so many times. Every night this week it had happened. Holly’s cold, rotting fingers had closed around her neck, pulling her deep into the water of the pond, surely drowning her… that was a new addition. 

This was just the first night that Alex had stayed over since they’d started happening. Gemma had had many excuses for him to stay home instead of sleeping over, but as the week had passed, the excuses had worn thin. They were vague, opaque, and easily seen through. Alex, with all of his wholeheartedness and his sensitively tuned empathy could see that she was struggling. Despite her discomfort, he’d begged her to let him stay with her, and she could never say no to him, as much as she had wanted to. 

As a result, he’d witnessed the outcome of the way her twisted mind had tortured herself for nights on end. Played witness to the way she’d physically rejected what her imagination had invented for itself. She wished he’d listened and stayed home instead of seeing it all for himself. 

The tea kettle shrieked as steam whistled through its spout. Alex hopped up to turn off the heat and get cups. He returned to the table with two steaming cups and a concerned look. Gemma inhaled before taking a long sip. The tea burned as it went down, but its warm chamomile aroma was pleasant and calming. 

She wished his presence was as such. Instead, she worried herself sick all over again about what he could be thinking. Who dreamed such real nightmares that they made themselves sick? The choking and coughing on water that really felt like it was there… The tea in her cup began slosh as her hands shook. Gemma set her cup on the table, staring into its contents. The green liquid with its tiny flecks of chamomile leaves swirled and ebbed until they were calm and still. Alex set his hand gingerly on top of hers. 

“I didn’t know that’s why you wanted me to stay at home, I thought maybe you were having second thoughts about us or I snored or something.” Gemma half laughed, half breathed out of her nose before looking at him out the corner of her eye. His eyes, drawn to their intertwined hands, were nearly hidden under his furrowed brow. A sad, sweet smile painted his lips. He laughed sickly at himself as he shook his head. “I didn’t know it was because you were having night terrors.” 

Gemma pulled her hand away and twisted the blanket around her body more tightly. An exasperated sigh escaped his lips as she did so. Of course, she knew that he wanted her to pour her heart out to him about her nightmares… But what if painting such a vivid, horrifying image was enough to drive him away? She just shook her head and looked away in shame. Her heart was breaking, but what else could she do? 

Alex whispered her name before sighing again. Closing her eyes tightly, she listened carefully as his chair slid across the floor and he got up. Going back to bed, she thought. Good. She needed to deal with this herself. Insulate him from as much of this bullshit as she could. If he was going to stick around, that was. She didn’t know what to do to keep him there. What she did know was that problems drove people away. 

A small gasp escaped her lips as she felt his arms enclose around her small, retreated form and hold her tightly. 

“You don’t have to tell me,” he murmured. “Even if you wanted to, you still wouldn’t have to tell me. That’s your choice.” 

Her eyes were still shut tight as she felt his cheek, his nose and his gentle smile rest against her hair. All she could do was lean against it, against him. Let the body say what the words couldn’t. She wanted him, she needed him. she was sorry he’d chosen a broken human as a partner. 

“Even so, it’s my choice to be here for you. You can’t make that decision for me, just like I can’t make decisions for you. Even if you scream in my face and tell me you hate me, I can still be here for you. Even if you say nothing and ignore me, I can still be here for you. 

I’m gonna be here, Gem, even if you wake me up with your night terrors. Even if you never tell me what they’re about. We’re together now. We’re a team. I might not always get the other stuff, but that part I understand. I’m gonna back you up.” 

A faint thank you escaped her lips as her breath hitched. Alex kissed the top of her head before walking into the bedroom and closing the door behind him, leaving only Gemma and the crackling embers of what used to be a fire in her fireplace. She stood next to it, watching the occasional flicker pop and spark from its depths. 

It seemed to Gemma that as soon as the scale was set and even, everything on it tipped quickly and was thrown out of balance. She was so lucky, she thought, that Alex was so patient. Someone else who had persisted through so much strife and trauma in their young life would not be as well-adjusted or optimistic as he was. Gemma herself was a testament to that, she thought. She was a grown woman who’d been thrust into personal issues and felt like instead of handling them, she was ramming her head into a cement wall. 

She tossed an old pail of water on the fire and quietly let herself into the bedroom. Alex’s soft snores could be heard as she dropped the blanket on the floor and crawled between the sheets next to him. They stopped as her body sank into the mattress, but he said nothing as she curled around him. Alex’s hand searched for hers blindly before closing around her fingers and pulling them close to his heart. If only she could shine a light inside it and show him just how grateful she was for his compassion. Instead, she held him tightly as they both drifted off to sleep. 

________________________________________________________________ 

“Got it! You’re it!” 

“Not fair, I didn’t get to count.” 

“That’s the rules, Alex!” 

Sam cackled wildly as he hugged the gridball against his chest and ran from Alex across the wide, empty field that spanned from the Saloon to the riverside. Alex chased him, yelling savagely and laughing. The lanky, pale child grinned as he held the held the gridball just out of Alex’s reach. 

“Sam, give it!” 

Alex groaned as he reached for it. There must have been something about the fresh air in Pelican Town that gave Sam an edge that the smog in Zuzu didn’t give Alex. He’d grown at least three inches since last summer when Alex had seen him last. He could remember it vividly. Sam had given Alex the same gridball he was taunting him with for his birthday that summer. 

It was another odd, random weekend at his grandparents’, just like that birthday weekend. Mom had packed them up while Alex was at day camp and hauled them out here as soon as she was able to pick him up. She’d grabbed him during intramural gridball, again. He’d pouted the whole two-hour car ride out to Pelican Town- until he’d seen Sam, that is. He quickly forgot his reservations and sour attitude and rushed out of the car without even skipping a beat. 

“Alex!” Evelyn’s voice called from the window of their home. 

“Oh, crap, I have to go,” Alex said, grabbing the gridball as Sam tossed it to him. 

“That’s okay. See you later,” Sam squeaked. 

“Bye!” Alex called cheerfully before running inside the house. 

“Hello, my dear, dear boy,” Evelyn said, catching Alex in her outstretched arms and hugging him against her chest. “You’ve gotten so tall. Who said eight year olds are supposed to be so tall?” 

Alex shrugged and giggled. 

“Where’s that rapscallion, that grandson of mine?” 

George rounded the corner, his brown hair receding more and more each time Alex saw him. His physical stature was as tall and strong as ever, though. He swung Alex by his ankles to and fro until the small boy begged him to stop. George threw him on the couch. 

“Grandpa, are we gonna play Battleship tonight?” 

“You bet, my boy. You bet. After dinner.” 

“Kathryn, did you stop by the store on your way here?” Evelyn called as she rooted through the fridge. 

“Yes, Ma, I got the greens you asked for.” Alex’s mother called from the bathroom through the locked door. She had been in there since they’d arrived. Kathryn quietly swore at whatever was keeping her in there. Alex didn’t wanna know. It was probably gross girl things. 

“I found them. Alex, sweetie, set the table?” 

“Yes, Grammy,” Alex said as he fetched plates, one by one, and set four places at the small dining table. His mouth began to salivate as he smelled his grandmother’s homemade fried chicken. Dredged in buttermilk and salt before soaking in flour, its crispy, hot skin called his name. He could almost hear the golden brown, crispy skin crunch as he imagined digging into it with his little fingers. Alex tried to sneak a piece of skin, but his mom’s foreboding look preventing any pilfering. 

Her brown eyes narrowed, much in the same way that Alex’s did when he was suspicious. However, a smile broke through ruby lips as she bent over to cup his face in her hands. Alex got his looks from his mother. Her dark complexion, accented by even darker eyes and full lips, was echoed in his face. His nose, however, belonged to his father. Alex hated his broad nose. 

“My precious Alexander, you’re being good for Grammy, aren’t you?” She said, kissing his cheek. 

“Eew.” 

“Eew is right, I’m going to give you my cooties!” she giggled, kissing him all over his face. Her voice chimed like a bell, clear and happy as day. The foundation on her cheeks cracked as she smiled at him. 

“Don’t worry mom, I’m being good,” he grumbled. Gross. Mom was in one of those moods again. He could see it as a black, smudgy tear began streaking down her cheek. He looked away and focused on folding the paper napkins perfectly on top of the forks. Grammy liked his origami, and if he folded his swans just right, the forks looked like the crane's feet when the birds were set on top of them. He smiled to himself as they came to life before him on the table. 

“Kathryn, honey, your makeup,” Evelyn whispered. 

“Mom, I’ve got it,” Kathryn muttered. Alex carefully eavesdropped as he folded away. Spies never gave away their position, and if he was going to be a real, true spy, he would have to practice until he was really, really good at being nosy. That’s what Sam told him. 

“Is that a bruise?” 

“Mom.” 

“I swear to Yoba, if your father sees that, he will kill Peter. He was livid last time.” 

“It was an accident, he didn’t mean to hit me that hard.” 

“That hard? Kathryn!” Evelyn’s voice was curt and angry now. Alex looked over his shoulder. His mother was anxiously clawing at her hair so it laid over her shoulder and against her neck. 

“Mom, I’m done setting the table.” Alex said, looking at her. 

“Great. Why don’t you get cleaned up and we’ll eat.” 

He sneaked down the hall into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. The peppermint scent of Grammy’s hand soap filled his nose as he scrubbed away. He even cleaned under his fingernails for once. Alex knew that Mom would check and make sure he washed up carefully after playing outside. He even washed up to his elbows. 

Alex’s breath sharpened as he washed his right forearm. He wondered what caused the pain was as he turned his wrist. Four parallel, oval-shaped bruises on one side. A larger, perpendicular oval further down. The skin around them was flushed and hot while the bruises themselves were tinged with hues of blue and violet. He could remember vividly how, yesterday, his father had dragged him down their apartment hallway before haphazardly tossing him into his room and locking the door from the outside. His voice still felt hoarse from screaming and crying as he begged his father to stop. Stop what, Alex never knew, but when it started, no amount of wishing or bargaining could end it. Alex could remember even more vividly the sound of the vase from their table hitting the wall and his mothers’ sobs through his bedroom door. 

He scrubbed the bruises until they hurt and dried his hands carefully before going into the guest room by Grammy and Grampy’s room and getting his jacket. There. Covered. He wouldn’t have to think about that anymore. Things like that didn’t happen here. 

Alex snuck back down the hall and peeked around the corner. Grammy was busy hovering over his mom, holding an ice pack to her wrist. He held his breath as he watched, as if they could hear his little lungs pulling air in with nervous excitement. 

They matched. Four parallel and one perpendicular on the wrist, just like Alex. Mom had a gash that he was missing, though. The vase. The feeling that began bubbling and brewing in his belly was uncomfortable and unnamed. It felt like he was going to throw up or scream. Maybe both. Alex covered his eyes as he turned away from the kitchen and growled under his breath. 

“Hey, boy, come here. Living off the Land is on and I need to you help me remember today’s tips.” 

George patted his knee, aboard which Alex graciously climbed. He was happy for a distraction. The middle-aged man on the TV was demonstrating how to clean a fish. Alex shied away from the television. 

“This bothering you?” George said, patting his shoulder. 

“I don’t like the red. The fish’s insides,” young Alex whispered. 

“The red. Yeah, we’ve all got red inside of us, Al.” 

“Like my knees when I fall off my skateboard.” 

George chuckled. 

“Like mom when dad gets mad.” Alex whispered. 

George did not chuckle. Instead, the gentle hand on Alex’s shoulder tightened. 

“You listen here boy.” 

Alex flinched. He didn’t know what was in store, but if it was anything like when his father said those words, it wouldn’t have anything to do with listening and it would have more to do with dodging. George sighed and his grip relaxed. 

“When we hurt, there’s red, right? Like when your dad gets mad.” 

Alex nodded. 

“He makes red, right? He makes it show.” 

Alex nodded again and touched his wrist. 

“He’s a hurtful person. People like that shouldn’t be allowed to have families. All the same, I’m grateful, because if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have you. He might be a hurtful person, but I want you to promise me you’ll try to be the opposite.” 

Alex nodded. “Like a protector?” 

“Yes, son. Like a protector.” 

“Mom doesn’t have a protector.” Alex murmured. He watched her back as she stood facing away from him in the kitchen, speaking with Grammy in hushed tones. 

“She sticks up for herself.” 

“I’ll be Mom’s protector!” 

“Someday, son. Someday you’ll be strong enough to protect her and everyone you love from their hurts.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with me. I appreciate each and every single one of you <3


	21. Chapter 21

Rain was a soft, soothing melody. A song of rebirth, of growth, of fresh life and nature’s rejuvenation. With each pitter patter came the alluring promise of life and loamy soil. Rain could lull someone into a soft, deep sleep and leave them feeling refreshed and more alive than usual upon waking. Rain was supposed to be so heartwarming. 

That’s what Alex told himself as he laid awake in his twin-sized bed. 

This rain was a barrage. A tempo against which to set his ebbing anxiety. A tune that only enhanced the thoughts that seemed to overflow out of his brain and drip out his ears. It was a cacophony of confusion, curiosity, and anger. 

That’s what Alex knew as he laid awake in that tiny, twin-sized bed. 

He didn’t want to be mad about it. He didn’t want to feel frustrated. He was supposed to be happy. He and Gemma finally belonged to each other. They were supposed to share their waking moments in joy and share their slumber in a sense of security, created by the others presence. They were supposed to confide in each other, share their fears and their woes. They were supposed to be closer now than they ever were as friends. 

Three nights and eight days. In the past two weeks, they’d spent three nights together and eight days. Alex wished it had been every night and every day. He could blame school- that would be an easy way to put his mind at rest. Yes, classes were what was keeping him at home. Of course he was having trouble adjusting after years of not attending any classes. 

Maybe it was the fact that fall was in full swing and Gemma had loads of harvesting to do. Sure, that was it. Those cranberry bushes weren’t going to pick themselves, right? 

Alex rolled over on his side to stare out the window. The droplets seemed to race themselves down to the windowsill, grabbing racing partners along the way and growing larger and larger. The biggest, best team would win, of course. 

There was no denying it. It wasn’t homework, and it wasn’t cranberries that were keeping them apart. Now that they didn’t need excuses they were further apart than ever. How ironic, he thought. It wasn’t a surprise that Gemma was keeping to herself. That’s how she learned to operate. To fly solo. Alex craved her partnership, her company. He craved who he thought was his teammate. 

He needed to know what she was hiding. Sure, he’d told her that she never had to tell him, that he’d be there for her. What good had that done? None. Instead of facing up to his own problems with her secret nightmares, he’d chosen to withdraw just as well as she had. He shook his head at himself, disgusted with his own cowardice. The only thing that truly scared him right now was the idea that they were simply not meant to be. 

Choosing to face up to the challenge, he got out of bed and threw on some rain boots and a raincoat over his pajamas. It wasn’t the first time he had shown up on her doorstep in the middle of the night, and if he kept being a chicken about things, it wouldn’t be the last. He closed the door quietly behind him and creeped down the hallway. The quiet, nonsensical babble of the television told him he wasn’t the only one awake at this hour. 

“Gramps, what are you doing up?” Alex whispered urgently. George was sitting on the couch in his pajamas, a scowl on his face. The host of Living off the Land was holding a variety of fish by the tail, going on about rainfall and time of day. Most of the information flew through one ear and out the other. 

“Could ask the same of you, Al.” 

“I’m, um. I’m going out?” 

“You going to that girl’s house?” George grumbled, looking at Alex with a raised eyebrow. He seemed to look right through Alex. Like he knew exactly where he was going and could presume why. 

“Gramps, you know her name.” Alex said, trying to change the conversation. 

George sighed and leaned his head back against the couch cushions and stared at the ceiling. “Gemma. I know her name. You know, I didn’t raise you to go knocking on girls’ doors late at night, boy. Show the woman some respect.” 

“I am, Gramps. I am.” Alex groaned quietly, grasping at his messy hair with his fingers. Great, he’d forgotten to wet it before he left. Now Gemma would probably think he’d slept-walked over there. 

“Then why are you knocking on her door in the middle of the night? Keep your manhood to yourself, at least until daylight,” George scoffed. Alex groaned. Of course that’s what George thought was going on. 

“I’m not going over there to get some. Something… something happened, and I just need to talk to her.” 

“You’re already breaking it off? That’s two girls in one year, Al.” 

“No no no. No. Definitely not. Just, Gemma… she doesn’t talk to me.” Alex groaned as he flopped onto the couch by George. George simply stared at the TV and gave Alex the slightest of nods. This was the prerogative, of course. George was a man of few words and Alex always appreciated that about him. That didn’t mean that George wasn’t a sound source of advice. When George said he had raised him better, he was right, of course. Alex’s father may have scared him on a primitive level, but George scared Alex in a way that demanded respect and a show of discipline on Alex’s behalf. 

“If I tell you, you won’t say anything to anyone, right?” 

George turned to stare at him with furrowed brows. 

“Right, who am I kidding? Okay, okay, stop looking at me like that. Well… where do I start? Ugh. Gemma’s been having these… insane dreams. Crazy. But she won’t tell me about them. I just wanna know, I need to know what it is, what they are.” 

“Why?” George muttered. 

“I dunno why she’s having these dreams.” 

“Wrong. Why do you need to know?” 

“I don’t know, maybe I can help or something,” Alex said quietly as his heart sank. “It sounds stupid now.” 

George sighed a heavy sigh again. “Your friend reminds me of myself.” 

“She’s not that crotchety, George,” Alex snickered. 

“Shut your mouth and listen, boy. I am in a wheelchair. Very nearly paralyzed,” George whispered. A sadness glazed over his eyes as he stared complacently at the television. “I can’t move around well on my own and I have a lot of problems. Your poor grandmother has to attend to me. Do you know how demeaning that is? Do you hear me complaining about it?” 

“You complain about everything else.” 

George shot Alex that look again, and Alex swore that if the man’s looks could kill, Alex would have been dead years ago. 

“...no. You don’t complain about that.” 

“I watched that girl grow up with so much damn bullshit in her life, makes me feel like what I’ve got going on is a picnic. If I don’t complain about my crap, do you think she’s gonna complain about hers?” 

Alex shook his head. “Gem doesn’t complain. She just keeps going.” 

“She won’t open up to you right away. She’s like a clam, shut tight. Give her time.” 

“Okay.” Alex said quietly, giving his grandfather the faintest of smiles. “Thanks, Gramps.” 

“Get out of here before you wake your grandmother. She’ll have a conniption fit seeing you leave at this hour.” George said begrudgingly, waving Alex away and turning back to the TV. 

“You’re getting soft, old man,” Alex said, clapping him on the shoulder. “It’s refreshing.” 

“Tell you grams I watch TV when she’s asleep and I’ll have words for you, boy.” 

“You got it. Tell Gram you watch TV all night,” Alex chuckled as he quietly slipped through the door. The rain pelted his shoulders and head as he walked as fast as his could. He would have ran, had he not already nearly lost a galosh to a deep puddle outside of his house. The desperate sense of urgency gripped his heart and lungs. Not fast enough, he thought, not fast enough. 

The lights of the farmhouse were all out but one. The second bedroom light, oddly enough, was illuminated in the second story. He didn’t think he’d ever seen Gemma in there. The only reason why he knew that there was a second story was because it simply was there. He’d never been up there or even heard Gemma talk about it. As he approached the house, the dogs began to bark and the kitchen light turned on. He didn’t even have time to knock before Gemma flung the front door open. 

“Alex, what are you doing here?” Gemma said with a face of bewilderment. 

“Gemma- babe- I’m sorry,” he said, exasperated. She looked him up and down. He was soaked, despite the raincoat. Alex could even feel his socks squishing inside his rain boots. He cringed as he wiggled them. Gemma looked at his feet, mildly horrified, as she heard his toes squelch around. 

“Don’t worry about it, take your boots off out there and come inside before you get pneumonia.” 

As Alex entered the farmhouse, Gemma began rifling through her linen closet, pulling out a small stack of fluffy, faded towels. Alex smiled at her as she began by unzipping his raincoat and tossing it in the kitchen sink. 

“Funny, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you without your hair all gelled up.” she said, staring up at his head. Alex reflexively began running his fingers through it. 

“Yeah, I don’t know, I was in bed, and-” 

“You thought, what better idea than to show up on Gemma’s doorstep in the middle of the night looking like a half-drowned rat?” 

“I mean, I like to think I’m a little better-looking than a half-drowned rat,” he muttered as he felt his face turned pink. Gemma smirked at him. 

“You are,” she whispered, peeling off his damp t shirt and pressing a warm towel to his body. She tried her best to mop the water off of his shoulders. 

“You’re much...” she muttered as she dried his chest. 

“Much...” she continued, drying his back. Alex could feel her hands probing his muscles through the towel. 

“Much better looking.” 

As she spoke, she strained to be taller on her toes, trying to reach his hair. Gemma was considerably shorter than Alex was. He was pretty sure he had a good foot of height on her. That was probably the reason why she slipped on a wet spot on the floor and fell into him. Thinking on his feet, he hooked his wrists under her arms and caught her against his chest. 

Gemma blushed as he held her in his arms and looked down at her. She looked so tired. Dark circles ensconced her eyes and her cheekbones even looked a little sunken. Was she eating? It was hard to tell. Gemma was already athletic and lean, but something about her now seemed almost gaunt. A weak smile faded in across her lips as they examined each other. 

Alex brought his hand to her face and gently touched his fingertips to her cheekbone and she leaned her face against his palm. A shuddered breath escaped her lips and she seemed to sink into his sturdy frame. 

“Are you okay?” he whispered. 

“I’m glad you’re here,” she smiled, bracing herself against his chest and standing on her tiptoes, ready to kiss him. Alex eagerly closed the gap, pressing his lips against hers and parting them so he could taste her kiss. Alex’s tongue passed between his lips and hers as he kissed her with one hand holding her head and the other gripping her waist. He pulled away just far enough to separate their lips and opened his eyes to look into hers. 

“Gemma,” he whispered. 

Gemma’s chest fell as she let go of her breath. Her eyes dropped as she stared at his feet and shook her head. She spoke so quietly he wasn’t sure if she actually spoke or if he was imagining it. 

“I just… I can’t talk about it right now, okay?” she begged, her eyes searching his. Her hands clung to his shoulders desperately. He remembered, vaguely, finding a baby bird as a child that had fallen from the nest. Its body was so small, so frail, that he was afraid that he would crush it. 

Give her time. 

“Okay,” Alex said, trying to catch his heavy sigh. Sure, he was frustrated, but he tried to remember his grandfather’s words. Gemma was only going to fight back if he pushed it. Alex pressed a tender kiss to her lips. Her response was eager as she returned his kiss hungrily. He murmured her name as she snaked her fingers through his hair and pulled him in deeper. 

“Gemma,” he said, trying to pull away. 

“I missed you,” she whispered between kisses. Her lips trailed down his neck as she grazed it with her teeth and tongue. He knew what she was doing. Alex was trying his best to resist, but he felt himself growing thicker as she worked her way down to his pecs. He groaned as she got down on her knees. Alex leaned against the back of the front door as she slipped her fingers in the waistband of his pajama pants. 

“Your pants are soaking,” she whispered, looking up at him as she began to play with the elastic. “Can I take them off?” 

Alex could only nod as she slipped them down his legs and to the floor. He stepped out of them as she did the same with his underwear, allowing his half-erection to fall out on display. Gemma kissed gentle kisses around its base as Alex closed his eyes and breathed heavily. 

“Gemma, please-” 

“I want this, don’t you want this, too?” Gemma said, kissing a line down his happy trail from his belly button to his tip. Alex shuddered with anticipation as Gemma’s hot breath fell on his dick. 

“Oh god, yes,” he muttered. “But what about you?” 

“Don’t worry about me,” she said as she slipped the tip of his cock in her mouth. Her tongue traced little circles around the tip that deepened around the head as she took the entire thing in her mouth. It didn’t take long for him to reach full mast as she worked the shaft with her mouth, bobbing up and down rhythmically. He placed his hand on the back of her head to gently guide her as she looked up at him. 

Fuck, that was hot. She smirked as she let a gentle hum ripple from her throat up to her mouth, creating a vibrating sensation that made him weak in the knees. A moan escaped his lips as she sucked his cock harder and faster. It was like she was trying to suck the life out of him and he loved it. He was getting closer to orgasm than he wanted to. 

“Gemma,” he said, slipping his cock out of her mouth. “Gemma, I wanna fuck you so bad, so, so bad…” 

Wiping her mouth on her sleeve, she grinned at him as he scooped her up, cupping her ass and kissing her fervently. His dick settled between her thighs as she gyrated her hips against him while they kissed. Her yoga pants didn’t leave much to the imagination. Gemma was distracting him with her body, and as much as he hated himself for it, he was letting her. Gladly. 

He walked them over to the sofa and sat with Gemma in his lap. Alex’s fingers, still cold from the walk over, grazed over Gemma’s hot skin and slipped into her pants. She gasped as he continued travelling south until his fingertip grazed over her mound and into her opening. He could feel her tightening around his fingers as he slipped two inside. Her hand weakly grasped at his hair as he made a come hither motion inside of her. 

“Alex,” she cried out as he fucked her with his fingers. She pressed her forehead against his as she succumbed and came. He could feel her cum wetting his fingers as she orgasmed. Alex’s lips curled as he smiled, kissing her hard and slipping his tongue into her mouth yet again. 

“Stand up,” he instructed. She could barely do so, her legs trembling as he pulled her pants and underwear down in one swift motion. As he pulled her back into his lap, she positioned him with his tip at her opening. 

“Ready?” she whispered. He answered by pulling her body down onto him, panting as his cock was sheathed by her tight pussy. Gemma gasped his name as he held her in his arms, lifting her up and down in a steady rhythm as he fucked her. He quickly forgot his concerns as he buried himself deep inside her. 

“You feel so good, so good, Alex,” she whined. Alex buried his face in her chest and quickly found a nipple with his lips. He could feel her begin to shake again as they fucked. He was getting close too; it was too soon. He wanted this to last all night. 

“Slow, slow,” he said as he dragged out his last stroke before pulling out. 

“What’s wrong?” she said, peppering his cheeks and lips with kisses. 

“Nothing, I just… I don’t want this to end,” he said, pulling her into a tight embrace. 

“Who said it had to end?” Gemma said seductively, running her fingers up and down his spine. 

“It’s like I feel like we’re so close and then you push me away again,” he whispered. “It makes it really hard to be this way with you, knowing you’re gonna hide out on the farm for a week after we see each other.” 

“Alex… I… I’m so sorry,” she whispered, kissing him tenderly. “I’ve been having this horrible nightmares every night. I wake up crying and... ugh, I don’t want you to leave me.” 

“Why would I do that?” he said, leaning back to look at her. 

“Because I’m crazy,” she said fearfully. 

“No, no no no,” he said, wrapping his arms around her waist. “You're not crazy. Even if you are, I don’t care if you wake me up every night forever. I’ll still be right there by your side.” 

Gemma pursed her lips tightly as she smiled at him. “I-” she started, before closing her mouth and shaking her head as she covered her face. Alex ran his fingers through her soft, golden hair as he waited for her to come out from hiding. She was finally opening up and there was nothing that he wanted more. 

“Alex,” she said, her voice laced with love, as she kissed him. Gemma’s kiss was soft and deep as she melted into him. Alex shifted her weight back into him as he picked her up and carried her to the bedroom and laid her down. His rough hands explored the nooks and crannies of her body, its soft hills and valleys gliding under his fingertips. He could feel her shaking as he moved to kiss her lips. They kissed each other tenderly and slowly, their lips sticking and separating between each kiss. 

Alex looked at her as he slowly slipped back inside her. He tried to memorize the way she looked in that moment; emerald eyes shining, hair strewn across the mattress. Her flushed cheeks and soft, pink lips that curled into a smile as she looked back at him. The gasp that escaped them as he gently rocked back and forth into her. She was more beautiful now than she had ever been. 

The way she looked at him made his heart melt. It was how her eyes locked onto his with their mesmerizing green and incredible spark that made it impossible for him to look away. They laid there in what felt like an infinite amount of time; the slow, steady pace of him inside her was just enough to get them close to the edge without spilling over, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. Alex rested on his elbows as he hovered over Gemma and gently tangled his fingers in her hair. She leaned forward to kiss him passionately and tilted her hips up to meet his. The simple adjustment made the pleasure almost unbearable. 

“Gem,” he grunted, “I’m close.” 

She responded by locking her ankles together behind his back, inviting his cock to slide even deeper inside her. She whimpered as she tightened around him and Alex increased to a maddening pace as they both came together. Alex fell to his side, panting, as Gemma turned to press her back against his torso. Both were speechless as they drifted off to sleep, tangled up in each other’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a little smutty, but it's smutty plot development, okay?
> 
> Also I'm looking for an odd/creative outlet for writing and I want to know, who's your favorite rarepair in the SV universe? I don't care about gender. My PERSONAL rarepair is Shane/Haley.
> 
> Put yours in the comments!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY, whew. I'm back. After a long hiatus, my mojo is back and I'm here. I've outlined the rest of the story and that chapter could *should* be correct but of course, it might get tweaked. It might not. I'm just gonna go with the flow. New update schedule is Tuesdays between 4PM and 6:30 PM MST.

“I don’t think this is a good idea.” Gemma muttered. 

“This is a great idea, Gem,” Alex said, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. 

Gemma shook her head and sunk down into her seat. The road to Zuzu city was quiet that afternoon as they drove along. Normally, traffic would be bumper-to-bumper, but with the rain still falling, not many people chose to drive. The only sounds were the croon of the old song playing on the radio and the gentle rain tapping away on the roof of the old steel car. The buzzing in Gemma’s brain, however, would not shut up. 

She was feeling anxious. Alex was taking her into the city to the homecoming game at Zuzu University. The team had been performing at a stellar level and was gaining a lot of traction in the media. The homecoming game was projected to be the biggest game of the season, and Alex was pumped. 

‘You _have_ to be there,’ he said. ‘I can’t win without you by my side.’ 

‘You’ve been winning without me just fine,’ Gemma replied. ‘You don’t need me.’ 

‘That’s where you’re wrong. I do need you,’ he’d retorted. 

That was three days ago. 

She had been mulling it over. And over. And over. Gemma could not understand the necessity. She had been hoping that he would have changed his mind, but he didn’t. In fact, he had gotten more stubborn as time had gone on. It seemed to Gemma as if he didn’t want her home alone. Like he couldn’t trust her or something. 

At first, she couldn’t understand why he would feel the need to be there all the time. Then she remembered the nightmares. Just the other night, she’d had one again. It has been the worst so far. He wasn’t there at the time, but the worry in his voice was apparent when she’d called him shortly after, begging him to come over. 

The worst part wasn’t that he wouldn’t let her be alone. The worst part was that she didn’t feel like she could be alone. Gemma wanted more than anything to be home this weekend, to prove to herself, ‘see, you can still be alone. You can still take care of yourself’, yet here she was, clinging to him like a fledgling clings to its nest. She had to remind herself that he was just looking out for her. Alex cared and that’s why he was here. 

_It’s so sad that he has to take care of me. His crazy girlfriend._

“The team is gonna love you,” he said, breaking the silence. “Trevor’s been nagging me about bringing you around. He thinks I made you up.” 

“What? Why?” 

“He thinks you’re too perfect,” Alex grinned and gave her thigh a gentle squeeze. 

“Shut up,” Gemma muttered. 

“We’re not doing this again, are we? How many times do I have to tell you that you’re not crazy?” Alex groaned. 

“Don’t worry, we aren’t gonna talk about it.” 

“You know, if you just talked about it, then maybe it would help make the dreams stop?” 

“It’ll pass.” 

Gemma watched as Alex removed his hand from her thigh and placed it on the steering wheel. He of course didn’t show his disappointment in his face, but she could see it in his eyes. Alex started to fiddle with the radio until he found a new station. He was distracting himself. Surely, she could read him well enough to know that. _Soon_ , she thought. _Just let it pass, be patient. I can get through this._

___________________________________________________________ 

“We’re here,” Alex said, pulling up a sports bar with neon signs posted all over the windows. It was a little dive place close to the stadium. It wasn’t at all like what Gemma expected. For one, she never expected Alex to take her to a bar. For two, she never expected a troop of huge guys, bigger than Alex, to be waving at him and giggling like school girls. 

“She exists! Ruddicks, you weren’t full of shit for once.” a blond, scruffy man hollered from under the awning of the bar. 

“Shut up, Trevor!” Alex called as he ran around the car to grab Gemma’s door. 

“A bar?” Gemma asked incredulously. 

“Yeah, the guys like to drink. I like to make sure they get home safe.” Alex shrugged. 

“What a gentleman,” Gemma prodded. Alex twisted his face into a crooked smile as he tried to fight back a blush. She giggled as she kissed him on the cheek. The guys under the awning started whooping and cat-calling as they walked over hand-in-hand. 

“She really is fun-sized,” the broadest man, with cocoa brown skin and dreadlocks down past his shoulders, whispered to who Gemma assumed was Trevor. Trevor elbowed him hard in the ribs. 

“She’s short but she can run laps around you, D’Angelo,” Alex teased. 

“I’m a meat shield, not a sprinter,” D’Angelo retorted, grasping Alex’s hand and pulling him into a bro-hug. Gemma just stood quietly and watched in amazement as Alex interacted effortlessly with his teammates. She had worried when he first started that being the older guy meant he would be the outcast, but that obviously wasn’t the case. It was a perfect fit. 

“Nice to meet you,” the scruffy blonde said, sticking out his hand. He vaguely reminded Gemma of a Viking. His blonde hair was long, longer than his beard, and twisted into a bun at the back of his head. Trevor shook Gemma’s hand firmly with a twinkle in his eye. “Name’s Trevor.” 

“Hi,” Gemma said, blustered by the rambunctious boys. “Gemma.” 

“Oh! Gem, I’m sorry. This Trevor, Emile, and D’Angelo.” Alex said, pointing to each man in turn. 

“Charmed,” Emile, the largest of the four, said as he took Gemma’s hand with a sly smile. Gemma could feel his dark eyes watching her as she stared back at him. His intense nature shined straight through and Gemma could feel it with laser focus on her face. She felt her words get caught in her throat and merely nodded. 

“Great to finally meet you,” D’Angelo said, sweeping Gemma up in a huge hug. Gemma struggled to wrap her arms around him and settled for patting his back awkwardly. 

“Nice to meet you too!” she squeaked. 

“Can I buy you a drink? We need to get you liquored up so you can tell us all your embarrassing stories about Al.” D’Angelo said, throwing an arm over her shoulder and pulling her into the bar. She barely had a moment to look over her shoulder at Alex. He was covering his mouth with his hand as he tried to stifle his laughter. She shot him a bemused look as they walked into the bar. 

The odd troupe walked to the end of the bar and slid into a booth in the corner. There were TV’s all around the bar, each showing a different game. Pool tables and ping pong tables sat in the corner opposite them. Dingy lights hung over the tables, barely illuminating the faded menus left on top of the tables. 

“Alright, the Tunneler’s game is on!” Alex said, sliding into the booth and patting the spot next to him. Gemma eagerly scooched down the seat to sit next to him, trying not to blush as he draped his arm over her shoulder as if it were the most natural thing to do. 

“Alright, Al, I’ll get your cola tonight. Lil’ miss Gem, what’s your drink?” D’Angelo said, leaning on the table. 

“Uh, I don’t know, something where I can’t taste the booze,” she said, embarrassed. “I’m not much of a drinker.” 

“I know just the thing,” Trevor said. The two marched off to the bar with Emile in tow. 

Gemma sighed a sigh of relief. 

“Having fun?” Alex snickered. 

“Your friends are huge, but I think their personalities are even bigger,” Gemma said breathlessly. Alex laughed and planted an enormous kiss on her cheek. 

“You’ll get used to them, they are all great guys. They are really excited to meet you.” 

“I can tell, is D’Angelo seriously going to get me drunk tonight?” Gemma said skeptically. “I haven’t drank since high school.” 

“Ugh, was it that time that we stole my dad’s liquor and drank it in the alley behind Pierre’s?” Alex said. “That was the worst decision I think I’ve ever made.” 

Gemma laughed. “Oh my god, it was. That was like twelve years ago.” 

“Sshhhhh! You’re making me feel OLD!” Alex howled. Gemma leaned into him as she laughed and soon his other arm was around her too, just holding her and laughing. Gemma felt her heart melt into her stomach as Alex looked at her, cheeks red and eyes sparkling. He was so good, she thought. 

As it turned out, Alex was absolutely right about his friends. Trevor was a nursing major and was back in school because he’d also been scouted. D’Angelo was the youngest, but was on a full ride studying engineering. The two were so outgoing and friendly, Gemma was sure they would continue to stick around as friends even after their college gridball careers were over. It warmed her heart to know that Alex had people he could lean on, people that were stable and normal and could support him. 

Not like her. 

“Gotta use the bathroom,” Alex said, standing up from the booth. 

“Oh, babe,” Gemma whined as she grabbed onto his hand. She was a lightweight for sure, and was really starting to feel the alcohol D’Angelo had been buying for her all night. 

“Sorry, you’ll live without me for a few minutes,” Alex said, giving Gemma a swift kiss before leaving. She could tell by the smile on his face that he was loving the unusually concentrated amount of attention he was getting from her that night. 

Gemma turned out her lower lip in a pout and turned to the gaggle of men at her side. They all were looking at her expectantly. She’d never felt so small. They all had at least a head and 100 pounds on her. She found herself trying to sit up taller, but the taller she sat, the more the room started to rock back and forth. 

“You good there?” Emile said, patting her on the back. Gemma nodded. Her confidence had left the room with Alex. 

“Alex said you thought I didn’t exist,” she chirped. Why, why did she say that? Sure, let’s antagonize the enormous men sitting at the table! Great idea! 

“Girl, when he said he was dating a tiny blonde who could run like a fuckin’ cheetah and had the body to prove it, AND found her in his tiny-ass hometown?” D’Angelo exclaimed. 

“Unbelievable,” Emile murmured into his beer. 

“AND your delightful personality, right guys? Not just the bod. He’s into it for more than just the bod. He never stops talking about you,” Trevor added, smiling at Gemma kindly. 

“Dude is obsessed.” 

Gemma smiled, but her heart hurt. Alex was a kind, sweet, gentle soul, and didn’t deserve her craziness. Didn’t deserve to be shut out when letting him in was all he wanted. The guilt ripped through her like paper. It’s the alcohol, she told herself, as she felt one hot tear streak down her face followed by another and another. 

“Oh shit.” 

“Dude, Alex is gonna be back here any minute, and you made his girlfriend cry.” 

“Me? You’re the one going on about her hot body! Making her feel like she’s objectified or some shit.” 

“Don’t you preach at me about that shit you learned in Women’s Studies. You studied women, all right. We ALL know why you took that class, Trevor!” 

“I’m sorry,” Gemma sniffed. “I just, I’ve been going through this shit, trying to do it by m-myself, and Alex has been so nice, even though I won’t tell him shit about it. I don’t deserve him.” 

Emile handed her his bar napkin and she dabbed at her eyes. Luckily, she caught her breath and took a deep one before sipping some water. 

“I’m sorry, you guys don’t need to deal with my bullshit, too.” Gemma murmured. 

“Sounds like you’re putting yourself through hell just by not telling him this stuff,” Trevor said. “Maybe you should just tell him. Might make it easier for both of you.” 

“Listen to Dr. Phil here,” Emile teased. 

“Just saying!” 

“What did I miss?” Alex said, sliding into the booth next to Gemma with an alarmed look on his face. “What the fuck, guys, I leave you alone with her for five minutes and she’s already crying. Please, please don’t traumatize her.” 

“Oh, I just, stuff just went down the wrong pipe is all,” she said, faking a cough. _Sounded pretty good_ , she thought. “Turns out, tequila is not a breathable substance.” 

“Dork,” Alex said as he hooked his arm around her neck and pulled her close for a kiss. “It’s getting late, we should get to the hotel. Gotta rest up for tomorrow. You guys good to get home?” 

“Oh my god, mom, we can handle ourselves,” Trevor said with a wink. Alex rolled his eyes as they said their goodbyes and left. Alex held the door to the car open as Gemma sloshed into the seat, laughing at herself as the old springs in the seat cried out in dismay. 

“Wow, jeez, drink much?” Alex laughed. 

“You’re cool with me drinking? Getting drunk like this?” Gemma probed as she clung to his jacket sleeve. 

“Yeah dude, it’s cool. Just because my dad was a piece of shit when he drank doesn’t mean everyone is.” 

“Okay.” Gemma said as she fell back into the seat. The lights of the city were entrancing to watch as Alex drove them back to the hotel. Red, green, yellow, blue… the neons and the streetlights swirled and danced like snowflakes. The whole world was swirling like snowflakes. There was really only one thing in Gemma’s mind that seemed clear. 

“I… I owe you a talk,” she said, squeezing his hand. 

“Later, sweetness. Let’s talk later.” 

Gemma nodded as she tucked her chin into her chest and fell asleep in the passenger seat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading :) If you enjoyed reading/had a thought while doing it, please comment! I love feedback and I'm always looking for wiggle room. AND! If you wanna beta (because at this point I could use one T_T), please let me know! Thanks <3


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! Sorry, I was on vacation last week >.>

Alex liked to think that he was a pretty level-headed person. He could handle a lot of things. He could handle a fight- that was no problem. Watching his girlfriend get drunk… now that was something he thought would have rocked him. Nope. He was fine. Even getting accepted to Zuzu University on a full-ride gridball scholarship should have sent him absolutely reeling, but that was no big deal. 

It was always the crowd, Alex discovered, that could send him spiraling. First, it was anxiety. There was nothing like the sound of 50,000 people screaming your name. Before the first game he had puked in the locker room wastebasket with D’Angelo rubbing his back and whispering half-hearted encouragement under his breath. Alex was never quite sure if D’Angelo had been trying to encourage Alex or himself that day. 

It had only taken a few wins before the roaring sound of the crowd sent him into a blind rush of adrenaline instead of nausea. The blood pumped in his ears, his heart pounded against his ribcage, and the pummel of padded bodies against his own felt like nothing until hours later when the bruises appeared. He loved it and lived for it, and each breath on the field was simultaneously endless and fleeting. 

“We got this, man,” Emile had said, bumping Alex’s fist before they ran out onto the field for the last minute of the game. Emile was right. They had the opposing team by the throat, making them work for each point and struggle against Zuzu U until Alex could see the despair in their eyes as he danced past them like a bolt of lightning with the ball under his arm. From the moment the leather touched his gloved fingertips to the second it hit the turf past the touchdown line, Alex would dodge and weave as if he were made of vapor, impossible to grasp yet haunting the other team’s line of sight. 

This game was different. Knowing Gemma was sitting back behind the bench, waiting to see him win, made it a whole new game. He had to do it, he had to pummel their asses into the ground. Bob, his coach, had initially refused to let him bring her. Something about throwing off his game, he had said. Alex had told him either they both were there or Bob would be looking for a new running back next semester. 

It had been easy to win that little game with his coach, Alex thought, smirking to himself. Just as easy to win the real one unfolding before him. 

“RUDDICKS HAS THE BALL,” the first announcer called. “TREVOR DANSEN HAS PASSED IT AND HE’S GOING FOR IT!” 

“THAT MAN IS FAST, WAY FASTER THAN ANY RUNNING BACK ZUZU HAS SEEN IN YEARS,” The second announcer replied. 

The defense started closing in quickly. They’d figured out Zuzu's strategy, finally, in the last quarter. Alex usually liked to run the outside and avoid the pack of players colliding in the middle. It was easy with the other teams they’d played, but this one, the Ferngill Fighters, had put up a fair fight and had taken Alex down during the last three runs they had made. This time had to be different. Losing in front of Gemma was not an option. 

As Trevor passed him the ball, Alex knew there was only one path to take. He gritted his teeth as he ran toward the shrinking gap between the offensive and defensive players in front of him. 

“HE’S CLOSING IN ON THAT GAP!” 

“HE’S NOT GONNA MAKE IT, TOM.” 

"RUDDICKS HAS TO, HE’S GOT TO-” 

Alex could feel the huge bodies collapsing in on him. Being the running back, he was one of the smallest guys on the field, and that was definitely not an advantage when a 300 pound man with eyes filled with fury was diving on you. He felt one hand on him and struggled to slip free as it closed on his elbow. Free. Another, around his free wrist, free- 

Two around his waist, he could hear D’Angelo’s massive roar as Alex assumed he’d tackled Ferngill's defender, there was no looking back now- 

He could see it, there. The 60 yard line. Forty yard line. Alex was closing in on the 30 yard line when he felt that fateful pair of hands fall around his ankle. He closed his hands even tighter on the ball as he tried his best to leap away like a deer fleeing for its life and slipped free, somehow. The cold, wet dew on the grass kissed the bottom of his sock, instantly making it soaking and sluggy. 

“WHAT WAS THAT?!” 

“THE SHOE IS GONE! JOHNSON FROM THE FIGHTERS HAS IT!” 

Even though Alex could feel the mud from the torn up field soaking into his sock, there was no stopping now. The field was wide and clear in front of him as he sprinted to the end of it with the ball held high above his head and the buzzer called for the end of the game. Alex threw the ball into the turf and roared triumphantly as his teammates ran to him, cheering, swearing, yelling, it was all insanity, all silent as the only sound Alex could hear was his heartbeat nearly deafening him. 

“ZUZU U HAS GOT THE WIN! THAT’S THE SEASON!” 

Alex’s heart nearly leapt out of his chest as Emile and D’Angelo lifted him onto their shoulders and carried him off the field like a king. Ripping his helmet off his head and holding it high above his head, brandishing the gold and green like a trophy, he savored the moment like the sweetest of desserts, the best any breakfast had to offer. This was his moment. 

His teammates deposited him on the edge of the field where his coach was waiting for him. Bob shrugged his shoulders at him, shaking his head as he did so. Alex took it with a big grin on his face. 

“Don’t know how you did that, Al,” Bob said, shaking his hand. “He should’ve had you.” 

“Guess you should be glad it rained yesterday,” Alex laughed. 

“That was amazing!” Gemma said eagerly as she grabbed his arm. “You’re amazing.” 

“Right back atcha,” Alex said with a smile before leaning over to kiss her. Gemma quickly wrapped her arms around his neck and he lifted her off the ground in an enormous hug. “Couldn’t have done this without you.” 

“Alex, I need to talk to you,” Bob said. His tone was short and urgent. 

“What’s up, boss? Don’t be mad about the shoe, it was luck.” 

“That’s not it. The Ferngill association rep came to talk to me during the game, and now I’m pretty sure he’s made his decision,” Bob said, pointing to a man in a suit who was standing at the opposite end of the field. He was speaking urgently into his cellphone. Alex furrowed his brow as he watched the mysterious individual. Gemma’s hand closed tightly around his. He gave it a squeeze before kissing the top of her head. 

“What is it? I’m not in trouble? How could I be after that play?” 

“That’s exactly it, Al. You’re not in trouble at all. Things are about to get a whole lot better for you,” Bob said with a smile. 

“Haysman’s, dude!” Trevor said excitedly. 

“What the hell is Haysman’s?” Alex bemused. 

“Big, big award they give out every year to the top college ball player. That guy is their scout. He’s been coming to the last couple games to watch you.” Trevor said, wiggling his eyebrows at Alex. 

“No way. Bob, what the fuck? Why didn’t you tell me??” Alex moaned at his coach. “I could have seriously fucked up!” 

“That’s why I didn’t tell you, boy! Didn't want you to get nerves!” Bob yelled before pointing at Gemma. “That’s why I didn’t want her here! I thought she’d throw you off, not boost morale!” 

Alex glared at his coach. He was grateful to Bob, eternally, for setting him up to gain what could possibly set him on track to go pro. He also wanted to punch him in his old, bloated face for blowing up at Gemma. “You know her fucking name, coach. _Put the finger down_.” 

Bob dropped his hand before eyeing Alex. He wasn’t very tall compared to Alex, but what he lacked in stature he certainly made up for in attitude. 

“You cop an attitude with me son, and you can be sure that agent won’t be calling you anytime ever. You may be an award-winning player soon, but I’m still the boss of you and will be until you either graduate and fade away like most boys I see on this team, or you’ll be a lucky one and play professional. I can make either option more likely for you.” 

And like that, he was gone. Alex watched Bob’s shiny, bald head bob up and down angrily as he storm out of the stadium. 

“Gem-” Alex said as he turned to look at Gemma… but quickly discovered that she was halfway across the field, picking up Alex’s orphaned shoe. She looked so small, surrounded by the colossal walls of the stadium. Gemma must have been thinking the same thing as she clutched the shoe to her chest and looked up at the stands. They were slowly emptying as people filtered out of the stadium. 

“Gemma!” he yelled, running over to be by her side. “Thanks for finding that before someone took it. The athletic department around here would have my ass if I didn’t get that back.” 

She murmured something under her breath as she looked at his muddy, worn cleat. 

“What’s that, babe?” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“For what?” he laughed. 

“I almost got you in trouble with your coach. I should’ve just bought a ticket and showed up instead of you making a big deal about me coming down here,” she muttered, letting the shoe dangle from her fingers by its laces. 

“Hey, I chose to make it a big deal because it was a big deal. To me. Fuck my coach, seriously, he’s an ass. Guy thinks that because he’s made a few professional players that he’s some kind of god.” Alex said reassuringly as he rested his hands on her shoulders and stood behind her. Gemma only nodded, her straw-blonde hair bouncing up and down. 

“Seriously, Gem,” he said, bending over to speak quietly in her ear, his lips teasing the soft skin of her earlobe. “You’re my good luck charm now. I can’t do this without you.” 

Gemma sighed as she leaned back against him. He felt her slender fingers slide up his arms and pull them around her. The two watched the stadium filter until nearly the whole crowd was gone. 

“Mr. Ruddicks?” 

Alex turned to see the man in the suit smiling boldly at him. He extended his hand to shake Alex’s, exposing a large, silver watch on his wrist as he did so. _This guy’s money_ , Alex thought as he grasped the man’s hand firmly. 

“My organization sent me out here to see you, and boy, I saw everything I needed to see today. I just got off the phone with Bill Haysman, and we were wondering if you’d be interested in being our Haysman player of the year.” 

Alex felt like he was going to choke on his tongue as Gemma gasped. 

________________________________________________________________ 

The soft crooning of the radio felt like such an alarming juxtaposition to the entirety of Alex’s bizarre yet amazing day. His mind was still reeling from the conversation he’d had with the gentleman from the Haysman’s foundation, yet there wasn’t a lot to go over. He’d simply given the man his phone number, who promised they’d keep in touch, and then watched him walk away. 

His ears were still ringing from the insanity of the crowd, or maybe it was him beginning to wake up from this deliriously wonderful dream. It wouldn’t be the first time his mind had led him to believe something insanely realistic was happening, only to shatter it all with the sound of his alarm clock. He tried to pinch himself yet again and left behind a rude, red mark on his arm. Nope. Still awake. 

The road home to Pelican Town was void of any approaching headlights as they made their journey home. It was late- far later than he’d intended to make this drive- but the team had insisted on a small celebration and honestly, he hadn’t wanted to say no. He didn’t start to regret his decision until he’d felt Gemma begin to doze off, cradling his arm in her lap as they sat in the booth at the regular place. Poor thing had to work in the morning, and he’d let it slip his mind. Short goodbyes were shared with the team as he ushered her into the car. 

She was still sleeping soundly as he pulled into the makeshift parking spot behind the old farmhouse. Dusty and Storm ran up to the side of the car with tails wagging and voices yipping. 

“Shush!” He said, opening his door as quietly as he could. The two dogs ran off around the house, presumably to wait in front of the door like they always did when they knew it was time for bed. Alex gently scooped Gemma up in his aching arms and carried her tightly against his chest as his feet crunched in the frozen dew on the grass. Lucky for him, they’d left the door open and ajar for the dogs. “Like anyone’s going to come in here while we’re gone,” Gemma had said. “You know where we live, after all.” 

We. She had said it so effortlessly, like he’d lived there with her for years, when in reality all he had was a drawer to himself and a toothbrush in the cup by the sink. There was another thing that seemed to leave him absolutely reeling: Gemma. After years of struggling with the stagnancy of his life, she’d entered it and somehow whisked himself off to some kind of wonderland where dreams did come true. Sure, they had their ups and downs, and at that moment, they might be more down than up, but he wouldn’t have traded her, his good luck charm, for anything. 

Alex clutched her carefully with one arm and peeled the big, fluffy comforter on her bed back with the other. Storm and Dusty were already curled up and looking at him expectantly from the foot of the bed. Alex warily took her shoes off before covering her up in the blankets and tucking himself in for the night. 

“I am so ridiculously in love with you, Gem,” he whispered to her as he took her up in his arms.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one's a little late. I have finals all this past week and next week, and for some reason this chapter was really challenging me. This will have to count for last week and this week's update as I have three HUGE finals this coming week, but we'll be back on track with the update for 5/15.
> 
> Also, I have a tumblr now. You can find me there at littlestlittlecakes.tumblr.com I'd format that but I have the HTML skills of a ground squirrel.
> 
> Have a great week!!

“So we will arrange flights for… let me make sure I have the names right for the tickets. Alexander Ruddicks, Evelyn Mullner, George Mullner, and Gemma Stills?”

“That’s right,” Alex said through his huge grin as he held the phone to his face. His grandmother sat across the table from him, clutching a steaming cup of tea with both hands. She looked at him with curiosity.

“Great. Thank you Mr. Ruddicks. Mr. Haysman looks forward to meeting you,” the woman said over the phone with her silky smooth voice. Angela, she said her name was… right? All Alex knew about her was that she was Mr. Heymans’ assistant, and he had directed her to arrange all of his travel information. And that he was paying for it. And that he was going to be the recipient of the man’s prestigious gridball award.

“Have a nice day,” she purred.

“You too.”

Alex could barely contain his excitement. This would be his first time flying on an airplane. His first time in the capitol city, Ferngill, for which the republic itself was named. His first time receiving an award, aside from perfect attendance in second grade. This would also be he and Gemma’s first trip together, as well as his first vacation in forever.

It would hopefully mark the first time he would tell Gemma he loved her. He’d already made reservations at the best restaurant in the city after pouring over Goggle reviews on Trevor’s smartphone. Alex had already made sure there would be flowers in their hotel room. Not to mention breakfast in bed- he’d already planned that, too. It was going to be perfect- the plan had a little bit of everything Gemma had ever mentioned to him in regards to romance.

“Who on earth were you talking to?” Evelyn said with a sly smile. “You’ve been chatting away on the phone all week with some mystery person!”

Alex grinned at her. “So I haven’t told you guys yet, but I won the Haysman award this year for most outstanding collegiate player.”

“That’s nice sweetie, did your school give it to you?”

“No, gram, it’s a national award. Comes with a scholarship, and it’s televised, and they’re flying all of us to the capitol on Friday.”

It seemed to take a moment for Evelyn to process what Alex had said. She was mid-sip of tea when the reality set in- she nearly choked on her oolong. Alex rushed to her side to give her firm pats on the back until she’d regained composure.

“Oh sweet Yoba! You must be joking. This is a terrible prank, sweetheart.”

“I’m not kidding, gram!” Alex laughed. “This is for real.”

Evelyn started sobbing as she smiled at Alex wistfully. “Oh, my dear boy. I am unbelievably proud, for so many reasons... “

“Gram, stop,” Alex said, his eyes burning. When did he get this sentimental? “It’s just a trophy.”

“Yes, but dear, you’ve worked so hard, and never given up hope. You are such a tremendous person,” she cried as she patted his cheek. “I wish Kathryn was here to see this. She would be even worse than me! Remember when you won your first game ever? It was eighth grade, I think.”

“Yes,” Alex said as his voice caught. He remembered the moment fondly. It was one of the last games that his mother had been well enough to attend. He could remember her gleeful cheers from the sidelines, and the way she shot out of her wheelchair to whoop and holler as his team had won the game. The bittersweet memory was one he treasured, but it still wrenched his heart in two to think about it.

“Oh, Alex. I can’t wait. You need a suit, though, and a tie, and some new shoes…” she began as she patted her pockets for her notepad that she kept with her all the time. She’d been forgetting things as of late.

“Gram, I’m gonna ask Gem to come with me to Zuzu so we can get some stuff for the trip. If you make a list, I’ll get you some things, too,” Alex said, happy to change the subject. It was too good of a day to cry.

“Okay dear. Come back before you go so I can give you my list,” Evelyn said, still wiping the corners of her eyes. “You best go tell Gemma before the rest of the town does. Yoba knows I won’t be able to keep this a secret.”

“Okay Gram,” Alex said before kissing her goodbye. He sprinted to the farm as quickly as he could, there were so many things he needed to tell Gemma, but most of all, he just needed to feel her in his arms. He needed to know that there would still be someone whooping at the sidelines for him.

“Gemma!” He yelled as he came barreling through the gate.

“Over here!” she called faintly from the other end of the field. He could see Storm, who was a white blur among fields of orange, red, and purple crops, and the brim of Gemma’s massive sunhat. He walked along rows and rows of pumpkins, cranberries, eggplants, yams… Gemma had finally fallen into her stride this season, he thought. The farm really looked like a farm. Alex would had never admitted it out loud, but Gemma had more of a penchant for animals than she did for plants. A black thumb, he thought to himself, never ever to say out loud, because as much as she failed, Gemma was stubborn as hell and didn’t give up.

“Hey,” he said breathlessly as he plopped down on a bag of fertilizer. Storm showered him in kisses. “Hello, Storm.”

“Hey, you,” she said, tossing her shears to the side before wiping the sweat from her brow. She was covered head to toe in soil and sap from wrestling pumpkin vines. Her faded Zuzu Tunnelers sweatshirt looked even worse for wear than usual, as did her baggy jeans and old trainers. He couldn’t help but notice that she usually looked more put together, even when she was hard at work.

“You feeling okay?” Alex asked as he looked her over.

“Oh,” She said, brushing the dirt off herself. “I’m a hot mess, huh?”

“A mess, yes. Hot, definitely,” He joked. Alex pulled her into his lap and pulled off her hat so he could bury his nose in her hair. It smelled earthy and floral like it always did after she had worked on the farm all day. He peppered her neck with kisses.

“You’re feisty today,” Gemma giggled.

“I’m excited, I have big news!”

“You’re pregnant? Oh my god!” Gemma said sarcastically. 

He squeezed her ribs and made her squeak from the ticklish sensation he knew it would give her. “Ass. No. You’re going to need to find a farm-sitter.”

“Why?” she said, perplexed, as she curled her arms around his neck. 

“We’re going to Ferngill. I got the award.”

The sound that escaped her lips was unbelievably loud as the arms around his neck squeezed him tight and she bounced up and down in his lap.

“OH MY GOD!”

“Jeez, Gem, I think I’m deaf now.”

“I can’t believe it, but of course you did. You’re amazing! This is so exciting.”

“Yeah, tell me about it!” he laughed. “But we need to go to Zuzu, I’ve gotta get a suit and I have no idea what I’m doing. You have to help me.”

“You think I’m any better? I’m a farm girl, Alex. This is my regular,” she said as she gestured at herself.

“You usually look way better than this. Super hot, always coordinating… plus, you wear those leggings I like so much…” he purred as he slipped his hand down her pants and squeezed her ass. She squealed again before kissing him.

“I’ll help you if you promise to stop doing that!”

“Such a hard choice,” he murmured into her neck as he bit it. Her sound of protest quickly morphed into a quiet, pleasured moan. Alex let his fingernails sink into the soft flesh when he squeezed once more as she moaned again and kissed him.

“Evil, you’re evil,” She muttered between kisses. Her breath was already getting hot and heavy.

“Eh, I can accept that.”

____________________________________________________________________________

 

“We would like to congratulate this year’s winner of the Haysman Most Outstanding Collegiate Player award, Alexander Ruddicks. Alex, can you come up here?”

The thunderous applause inside the tiny theater was deafening. There were hundreds of people there to attend the event, including Alex’s entire team, George, Evelyn, and Gemma. The raucous cheering of Alex’s teammates was louder than the entire audience. Gemma rolled her eyes and laughed as her tablemates pounded their fists, whooped, and hollered.

“Are they always like that?” Evelyn yelled over their antics.

“Yes,” Gemma yelled back. “you can see that Alex isn’t the only one who gets that hyped up!”

“Be right back,” Alex said, kissing both of them before trotting up to the stage. Gemma could feel her heart pounding in her ears as she watched him go up. Knowing how nervous he was made her just as nervous. If only she could be up there with him, for both their sakes. He graciously took the trophy from Mr. Haysman and held it up high above his head with a smile above his head.

“SPEECH!” Trevor shouted. Gemma could see Bob scowl at Trevor.

“YEAH, SPEECH!” D’Angelo yelled.

Alex went red in the face as the presenter muttered something in his ear. He approached the podium apprehensively as the audience continued clapping until he finally reached it and adjusted the microphone. The silence that followed was almost as deafening as the applause. Gemma covered her face as she watched.

“Hey all, thanks for being here so I could get this award,” he started. “I guess if you’d asked me if I thought I’d be standing here right now winning something so prestigious a year ago, I would’ve laughed. Hard. A year ago I was doing nothing with my life and boy, did I know it.”

“Anyways, I was pretty sure I was going to kind of just wither away living that life. Day in, day out, it was all the same. It’s easy to slip into complacency. Then, my good friend, and now girlfriend, moved into town. She really motivated me to chase my dream, you know? Go to school, play gridball, do something big. She actually came with me for my team tryout. Yeah, Gem, I’m talking about you,” he said with a blush as he gestured at her with the big, glittering trophy. She could feel her face growing redder by the second as D’Angelo gave her a gentle squeeze with his arm.

“You good, girl?” he whispered.

Gemma could only nod. It felt like her airway was tied in a knot.

“So here I am. It’s all your fault, Gem. Thanks for being my partner in this crazy life,” he laughed. The audience echoed his laughter.

“So… yeah. This one’s for you, Gemma.”

Gemma’s heart was doing crazy backflips. He’d just dedicated this huge success in his life to her. Despite the flaws in their relationship, they had each other’s backs. Things weren’t always easy, but they were right. It felt as if they’d saved each other from themselves. She loved it. She loved him.

“Wanna get out of here once this is done?” he whispered in her ear as he returned to her side. Gemma nodded before leaning into his side and staring into space with a happy sigh. Alex’s arm wrapped around her shoulders and she was in her happy place.


	25. Chapter 25

It was easily the fanciest restaurant Gemma had ever set foot in. The rich, beautiful mahogany brown wood, coupled with the softest leather seats she’d ever sat in and chandeliers more decadent than ones she’d seen in pictures, made the cosy restaurant something out of a fairy tale. She couldn’t stop admiring every little facet of the place as the hostess sat them in a private booth in the kitchen, which was impeccably clean and copper-clad.

“How did you find this place?” Gemma whispered with wonderment.

“Lots and lots of research,” Alex said with a smile as he tipped her chin up to kiss her. She was almost ashamed by how easily she swooned over this place, and over him. With his dark ebony tuxedo and perfect hair, he looked like a modern-day prince. It really wasn’t hard to swoon over this beautiful man, she thought, as she kissed him tenderly.

Dinner, of course, was amazing. The steakhouse really was as good as Alex said it would be. Through appetizers, dinner, dessert… Alex had already had everything planned to a T, even Gemma’s order. He knew what she wanted before she even knew she wanted it. Being doted on by him so caringly was an even sweeter treat than the chocolate-covered strawberries a busboy dropped at their table.

“After-dinner drinks?” Their waiter said with a smile. 

“Champagne, please,” Alex said before Gemma had the chance to interject. The waiter nodded and glided away effortlessly.

“Champagne?” Gemma giggled.

“We’re celebrating.”

“Yeah, but this place… it’s amazing,” Gemma said breathlessly.

“I hoped you’d like it,” he said proudly. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to say no to the best steakhouse in Zuzu City.”

“You certainly earned it,” Gemma said pointedly. “You just won like… the MVP award of college gridball.”

If Alex’s smile were a light, it would’ve shined brighter than the sun. He was so, so happy, which of course, made Gemma happy. After all of his hardships and struggles, it was so good to see that boy _win_. Alex was tremendous, amazing… she could hardly believe that he thought she was deserving of him. Her, the small-town farmgirl, who started from nothing and only amounted to little more than that, got to hang off the arm of an amazing human.

“This isn’t about me, Gem. This is about us. You’re the reason I’m here.”

“I’m really not,” she muttered. “You got yourself here all on your own.”

“Did you listen at all to my speech?”

“Yeah,” she giggled. It was hard not to be happy right now, she thought, as they sipped champagne and spoiled themselves a little. They had certainly earned it. They. She was thinking as if they operated as a unit, one functioning machine. Gemma couldn’t remember if she’d ever thought of herself coupled with another person like that. She was so good at operating alone, yet here she was with Alex. The man who’d gone and inserted himself deep inside her heart. It was more than a little frightening.

Love was a concept that wasn’t familiar. Sure, she’d had platonic love for her grandfather, and even then, she’d gone running for the hills when it had gotten tough. The idea of someone decimating her heart was truly one she was not equipped to deal with. Years of rejection from people both near and dear or completely strange had made sure of that. Alex was now in that rare, elusive position where he could either take her heart and nurture it to fullness or wring what little courage and hope was left in it completely out.

Gemma swallowed thickly as the waiter arrived with their bucket of champagne, took their orders, and left once again. Alex raised a glass and smiled a dazzling smile at Gemma. He seemed just as besotted with it all as she was. She took a deep breath and tried to put her worries aside as they clinked glasses.

“To our little team,” he murmured, cheeks rosy and eyes sparkling.

“To us,” she whispered, before taking a sip. The champagne was more delicious than any bubbly she’d ever had before. The restaurant, the champagne, chocolate covered strawberries… it was insane. Absolutely insane. He must be mad, she thought, to take me to a place like this. Sure, the old burger joint she aligned with perfectly, but this place… while Alex appeared to fit in like a puzzle piece, she thought that she was more of a sore thumb.

“Gemma,” Alex whispered as he held her close to his side. “I brought you here because I have something really important I want to tell you.”

Gemma nodded. It seemed as if the words she wanted to say slipped right out and she was left with nothing. She already knew what he was going to say. Why else would he have brought her to this beautiful place? Guilt panged through her heart as she felt sorry for him. Sorry for him that he was falling for her. Alex grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze before clearing his throat and laughing at himself.

“Goddamn, you know, I had like this whole thing rehearsed in my head and now it’s like I can’t think straight at all.” he chuckled.

“So just say what you’re thinking,” Gemma said quietly.

Alex shrugged and smiled, all while shaking his head and laughing. “How do I put it to words? You’ve inspired me to be my best and encouraged me at every turn. You’re my best friend. I got this feeling, so long ago, while we danced in a field, and my head hasn’t stopped spinning since. It just grows more and more every day.”

“Such a poet,” Gemma teased, before biting her lip and looking at her lap as her eyes started to burn. She wasn’t sure if she really deserved it, but she wasn’t about to tell him that. He caressed her cheek with a calloused hand as he brought her   
eyes up to meet his. The tears were already spilling over and she was sure her makeup wouldn’t last the night.

“I love you and there’s nothing you can do about it, Gemma.” Alex proclaimed as he looked her in the eyes. There was burning passion there she only saw once before, the second time they’d danced together in that field. Those eyes were hopeful and intense and confident; so many things she wished she could be that she envied so much about him. So many wonderful qualities she didn’t have names for radiated out of every pore of his tanned skin. Her heart swelled, so much so that she was sure that there was no more give to it.

“Alex,” She stammered.

“Yeah, Gem?” he said, looking down at her with hazel eyes that shimmered. She clung to his tuxedo jacket as she pressed her forehead to his chest. She could feel his hand slip through her hair to cradle the back of her head. He was trembling. Alex, the big, tough gridball player, was trembling because of her. As if he could get more perfect, she scoffed to herself. The words she wanted, needed to say clung to her lips like honey.

“I’m so afraid,” she whispered.

“Me too,” he laughed. “Oh god, me too.”

Gemma giggled through the hot tears that streaked down her face. She used the hem of her long, black gown to dab the corners of her eyes before leaning away from Alex so she could look him in the eyes. She cleared her throat and closed her eyes as she took a deep breath, trying to fight the fear that clenched its fist around her heart and throat. He needed to hear it. He needed to know that she loved and adored him just as much as he did her.

“I love you too,” she gushed. “I’m sorry I’m so afraid, I just, I love you and I don’t know how to do it and-”

Alex interrupted her by kissing her fervently on the lips with one hand in her hair and the other practically pulling her into his lap. The sweet taste of his champagne-tinged lips melded with her own, salty, tear-stained lips as her heart soared. Love, if this is what love was like, she never wanted it to end, she wanted to drown in it, she wanted to soak it all up until all of his love was gone and it belonged to her.

“I already paid the bill,” Alex breathed between hungry kisses.

“Let’s go,” Gemma said, reading his mind.

They barely made it to the elevator. Alex hit the button for the top floor of the hotel and mashed the close door button feverishly. Their mouths collided as Alex lifted Gemma to sit on the handrail and hiked up her long skirt so she could wrap her legs around his middle. Gemma laughed as his lips found their way to her neck.

“Alex, what if someone comes in here!?”

“Let’s give them a show,” he growled as he bit down. She gasped sharply as his teeth sunk into her soft flesh. Her ankles tightened their grip around his waist in response. Lips and teeth clashed as they tangled themselves together. Gemma was beginning to lose a sense of where she was in time and space as Alex’s lips met hers again and again.

The elevator dinged and Alex wrapped his arms around her, effortlessly carrying her down the hallway to their hotel room. Gemma squealed and held on to her dress, trying to keep it from falling down around her hips. She hissed his name and   
laughed, only to incite him to walk faster down the hallway. Alex slipped his hand inside the neckline of her dress to fish out the keycard she’d stashed in her bra for safekeeping.

The door closed behind them. Gemma had thought it wasn’t possible to crave his body more and was instantly proven wrong as he threw her down on the bed and pulled his bowtie away from his neck. He began struggling with the tiny, opalescent buttons on his shirt. A low, throaty chuckle rippled from his lips.

“This will not come off fast enough,” Alex laughed, fumbling with them. Gemma crawled up to him on her knees and deftly unbuttoned his shirt so she could shimmy it off his shoulders. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” she whispered against his chest, peppering it with kisses. He carefully plucked the bone pin she’d placed in her hair, letting it fall loosely around her shoulders. 

“Fuck, you are so beautiful, Gem,” he breathed as he pulled her hair to the side so he could kiss her neck while she undid the button on his pants. Pants and boxers dropped to the floor and Alex stepped out of his shoes. He was already hard. Gemma smiled at him coyly before crossing her arms in front of her and peeling her dress off. 

Alex kneeled on the bed in front of Gemma. Her heart fluttered as his facial expression changed from one of insatiable lust to one of affection. She smiled back at him as he took her in his arms and kissed her. He gently laid her down on the soft, fluffy comforter so he could slip her panties down and toss them aside. Alex’s lips found their way to one of her breasts, kissing and licking at the tender bud until it formed a hard peak.

Gemma sighed Alex’s name as her hand slipped down to grip his shaft. His breath heaved as they pleasured each other with their hands. Alex’s fingers fumbled as he slipped two inside of her to wetten them before thrumming them against her   
clitoris. The heat and intensity of the moment had her close to orgasm already. Shuddering against the weight of his body over hers, white spots formed behind her eyelids as she came quickly.

“Let me on top,” she groaned.

“I have a better idea,” he said with a grin, scooping her up in his arms. She was still coming down from her orgasm and gasped as he pressed her damp back against the cold, hotel wall. Lips found their way to her neck and ear as his hands gently guided his smooth tip to her entrance. Alex, with his hands firmly gripping Gemma’s ass, lowered her onto his hard member, sending another wave of pleasure cascading through her body and brain.

Gemma’s arms snaked around her boyfriend’s shoulders as he buried his nose in her neck and hair. There was nothing like this; him, buried deep in her, oblivious to the world as they reveled in each other. As she pulsed around him, she could feel the quake in his hips as Alex thrusted into her. 

“I love you,” he murmured, over and over again, as he pulled away from his position entrenched in her neck to caress her face with his hand and press his forehead to hers. The only thing louder than the sound of their flesh colliding together was the heavy breaths that echoed from Alex’s lips. Gemma thought her heart might melt and pool in her toes as he whispered in her ear tenderly.

“Alex,” she breathed, as he fucked her sweetly. “I’m close.”

“Fuck, me too,” he whispered back as his whole body began to shudder. Alex clutched Gemma tightly against his chest as he maintained his maddening pace. It was too much; Gemma felt the explosion of pleasure between her legs echo all the way to her fingertips and toes as a halo ensconced her vision. At the same time, Alex’s hips thrust deeply into her and he groaned her name.

He stepped backwards and fell onto the bed with Gemma still curled around him. A purr of contentment rippled through his chest and throat as she kissed his cheek. She felt so safe and secure wrapped up in his arms like this. Finally saying those three little words to each other had filled her heart up to the brim. Love… it was insane and incredible and amazing, better than any post-run endorphin rush she’d ever had.

“I love you,” she whispered.

“Good,” he said as he kissed her forehead. “Don’t ever stop.”


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> goddamnit i just posted this fucking chapter and then i accidentally deleted it. sorry my dudes. it's a two-parter.
> 
> Thanks to Pixiigh for beta-ing for me, you're amazing <3
> 
> also, my tumblr URL changed. Find me at tinyconfectionary.tumblr.com ... please come chat! say hi! send me weird messages! i don't give a shit!

Gemma always had an extraordinary sense of patience. Her grandfather had always claimed it was the one thing she’d inherited that was his. Her eyes, face, and demeanor all belonged to the ladies of the Stills family, apparently. Her patience and her stubbornness were all Ben. They were they things about herself that she was the most proud of.

The stubbornness came in handy when working out an argument. She found she could win an argument just by holding out until the other person gave up. It had been useful on the playground as a child, when she tested the patience of her classmates. It was useful on the streets, too, when she’d found a safe corner to sleep in and she didn’t want to share.

The patience, though… that played into everything. She wouldn’t have made it this far without her patience. Had she been any less patient for the right timing or the right move, she might not have made it this long. Living to this point was a miracle. Now that survival was ensured, that a meal to eat and a place to sleep weren’t a worry, her brain had all this lovely energy with which to haunt her.

She had woken up in a cold sweat yet again. Gemma had taught herself to sleep with the edge of her tongue in between her molars. When the teeth clenched and she was about to scream, they’d close on her tongue, waking her up with a sharp pain. It was better than waking the sleeping giant next to her. Alex was snoring as she crept out of bed.

She wrapped herself up in Alex’s letterman jacket as she slipped on her slippers and sneaked through the doorway. Dusty remained with Alex- that dog was impossible to wake up- but Storm followed Gemma like a white shadow. He seemed to clue in that silence was the goal in this situation as Gemma used her flashlight to light up the living room, find the door to the second floor, and make her way upstairs.

Gemma did not enjoy spending time up here. She disliked it so much that the only change she had made was to toss old sheets over Ben’s furniture. Silhouettes of an old armchair, a television, and painful memories were the only things left in this room now. Not wanting to stay in here long, she made her way to the side of the room where another door stood.

The door’s hinges wailed with a loud creak as she opened the door as quickly as she could to minimize. She knew this door and this room better than any others in the old farmhouse. This was her childhood room. The skeleton of a disassembled crib hid in the corner behind the open door. The walls, painted a sky blue, were covered in dust, as was the royal blue rug that adorned the floor in its center. A small twin bed, dressed in the same azure tones, laid in the corner nearest the window. Old photos were taped to the walls and the closet door was still ajar, revealing its contents of clothes and shoes.

A sense of sick nostalgia clenched Gemma’s heart as she observed it. Nothing had changed. Everything was exactly the same as she had left it so many years ago. Ben hadn’t dared come in here after her abrupt departure- she couldn’t say she blamed him. Being in this room filled her heart with an icy, detached feeling. The little girl that grown up in this room was long gone now.

Assuming that she was right, and Ben hadn’t touched anything, Gemma would find what she was looking for right away. This proved to be true as she carefully slid a container out from under her bed, which covered a small hole in a floorboard. She hooked her finger through it and lifted, bumping her arm against the frame of her bed and sending an explosion of dust cascading into the air around her.

Gemma covered her mouth tightly as she coughed hard. The last thing she wanted was to wake Alex. He didn’t need to be here. He didn’t need to see her obsess over someone who, as far as everyone else was concerned, was dead. She might as well be dead to Gemma, too. If only she would let sleeping dogs lie.

Her stubbornness got the best of her as she opened the cardboard box that lay before her. Its preservation in the foundation of the second floor had saved it from some of the effects of time, but not all. The cardboard had grown delicate in its advanced age. As soon as she lifted it from the flaps, its body gave way, sending its contents spilling onto the floor. Storm happily grabbed a stuffed toy and held it delicately in his mouth as he wagged his tail.

“Stormy,” Gemma whispered warningly. The dog dropped the small, blue plush cat. Gemma picked it up, wiped away the saliva, and looked at the withering bow tied around its neck. The dust had done it no favors. Gemma wiped away the thick coating of grime from the small square tag. _To Gemma, from Mommy_. She set it to the side and continued working her way through the pile.

There were so many envelopes. Dozens, she thought, if she would bother to count them. Some were scrawled, others printed beautifully, but all bore her name. If only she knew where to start. Some had candles drawn on the outside. She picked up the one that had six. Inside, there was a pink, glittery card with a blonde woman smiling, holding a cake, riding a unicorn. Gemma smiled at it- it was exactly something she would have liked as a child.

_Happy 6th birthday, baby! Mommy’s getting out soon and we’ll be together again. Can’t wait. Love you!_

Gemma wondered if she would have even been able to read this as a child. Her 6th birthday was the first birthday she’d spent on the farm. No wonder Ben hadn’t given her this. A 6 year old wouldn’t have been able to process. She moved onto the next one… one with 13 candles. Inside was a plain, rainbow card. More unicorns, more princesses… she would’ve hated this one, she thought to herself with a sad little smile. There were so many, all pink and glittery, like the cards were trapped in a precious memory of a little girl who wasn’t so little anymore.

_Hey baby, happy birthday. Don’t show this one to Ben, ok? I need money- if you send me your birthday check, I’ll pay you back as soon as we see each other. Love you! Mommy_

__Hi sweetie, I love you. I’m having trouble paying my rent, can you help me out? Don’t tell your grandfather, he’ll kill me. XXX Mom_ _

___Hey baby, happy sweet sixteen! Can’t believe you’re already there, soon we’ll see each other and you can chauffeur me around! Send me your check- I’ll get you back. Love, Mommy_ _ _

There were many other letters in the box that Gemma chose not to read. All the envelopes had been opened by her grandfather, she assumed. Some of the cards were stained with mysterious fluids. Others still retained faint, alien odors. It was like a tiny window through which she watched her mother decay. The older Gemma had gotten, the more erratic the cards from Holly became.

Gus was right. Her mother was some kind of crazy, toxic person. What kind of person in their right mind begged their child for their money? Knowing herself, she would have sent everything, anything, to get her mom to come back. To pay her any mind. Ben had thrown himself on the sword to protect her from such a leech.

Gemma wasn’t sure what made her sadder; that her mother truly was an abhorrent person, or that she herself had been a hateful, evil person. One who rejected the person who cared for her most, who had protected her from those who weren’t fit to raise her. He’d given up wishes and dreams to ensure her health and happiness, and what had she done? Left him alone in his last few years to wither away in his lonely existence. A shudder rippled through her body.

Tears rolled down her cheeks as she opened the door quickly once again. It was like someone else was piloting her body. She walked into the tiny den, stripped off the sheets from the ancient wingback, and pulled Alex’s letterman around her tighter as she sat down in its seat. A tiny puff of dust flew into the air as she did so. Curling up her legs into her chest and tangling her arms around herself, she pressed her face into the back of the chair and inhaled, praying for any scent of her grandfather left behind.

 

_________________________________________________________________________________ _

_Gramps_! I am not proposing to Gemma anytime soon!” Alex replied shrilly.

“So you are proposing,” Evelyn said bemusedly.

“I am not!"

George frowned at him. “Then why are you living with her?”

“I am not living with her.”

“Do you split groceries?” Evelyn asked.

“Yeah, I’m not letting her buy all the food!”

“Do you help around the house?”

“Who else is gonna clean the gutters, they’re filthy and Gemma hates heights.”

Evelyn elbowed George gently, who shook his head.

“Alex, my dear, sweet grandson,” Evelyn said, taking his hands in hers. “You are sharing a home with her, whether you have realized it yet or not. Houseguests do not clean gutters and buy groceries together.”

“You should think about making her an honest woman!” George complained.

Alex held his head in his hands and rubbed his eyes. Little white spots flecked across the rainbow of color behind his eyelids. He hadn’t even begun to think about proposing to Gemma, let alone moving in with her. George was old-fashioned, though. He would want Alex to propose to Gemma before moving in with her.

He was living with her. Alex could at least acknowledge that. Their home was happy and they enjoyed sharing their space. But proposing was not in the cards. There was no way he would marry her while he was jobless, pretty much mooching off of her in regards to living space while he was still in school. It might be an option if he was making money, if he could contribute in some way to Gemma’s life to make it better.

“I’m not proposing until I have a job. _If_ I propose!” he said, interrupting his grandfather.

“You shouldn’t live with her unless you have significant feelings,” Evelyn said. “Have you two… have you told each other you love each other?”

“Of course I love her, she knows, I’ve told her.” He grumbled.

“Then you should ask-” George began.

“Then you should take your time, enjoy each other, and just be young. Right, George?” Evelyn said deliberately.

George grumbled. That was as good a yes as Evelyn was going to get out of him. She knew that well after nearly 60 years of marriage. Alex brain was still swimming as Evelyn gently took him by the hand and led him to the bedroom that she and George had shared for many years.

Alex stared at the photos decorating their dresser as she rummaged through boxes in her closet. There were so many pictures there, formals, candids, hell, even a large frame holding each of Alex’s grade school photos from kindergarten up to his senior year of high school. He could see his mother’s smiling face from many of them. Her tired eyes never quite matched the enthusiasm of her beautiful smile.

“Alex,” Evelyn said softly. A beautiful, old, velvet box was clutched between her wrinkled fingers. She pressed it to his palm. “Even if you aren’t thinking about it, I still think you should have this. Kathryn always intended for you to use this when the time came.”

“What are you talking about, Gram?” Alex asked.

“Open the box, dear.” Evelyn said, patting the top of the box.

Alex’s breath hitched in his chest as his eyes fell upon its contents. It was the only true family legacy left after Alex’s dad sold most of his mother’s possessions following her death. Its shell was an opalescent hue, hinting at its age; the mermaid pendants now sold were blue. It was polished almost to a glow. Small gems dotted the opening of the shell. Its cool surface felt so delicate to the touch that Alex was afraid to even take it out of its box.

“I- you can’t give this to me,” he choked. “I can’t take this.”

Evelyn gently closed the box and tucked it in the chest pocket of his down jacket. Her eyes glistened with tears as she looked up at Alex. His heart couldn’t take it; seeing her cry was going to get him started, too. When did he become such a sap? It was all he could do to hug his grandmother and breathe deeply.

“It’s always been yours, Alex. I can’t keep it. I have no use for it. Please, take it, and when the time’s right, hopefully you’ll give it to Gemma.”

“Are you sure?”

“She’ll wear it even more beautifully than your mother did. If only she were here.”

“Gram, please,” he pleaded. Every breath rattled through his chest.

“I’m an old woman, just let me be nostalgic for better times,” Evelyn said. She took Alex by the shoulders in her frail hands. “I know your grandfather rushes you, but that’s only because he cares about you both. Take your time.”

Alex fidgeted with the box’s metal clasp as he walked home. He had no idea how he was going to keep this from Gemma. He had no idea how she would react if she found this delicate treasure in her- their- house. Their house. The words sounded so foreign. He had to remind himself that he hadn’t even asked if she was okay with it, but of course she would be. He was practically already living there, right?

The smoke was billowing out the chimney of the farmhouse. He could see it before he could even see the farmhouse. What was Gemma doing? If she was trying to start a fire, she was doing a hell of a good job. Still, he quickened his pace as he reached the front gate to the farm and then the front door.

She was standing in front of the fireplace. There was his letterman, draped around her shoulders. He’d searched high and low for it that morning to no avail. He couldn’t see her face- what he could see was an ancient cardboard box in her hands and paper curling in the heat of the fire. There was no reaction to his entry, even though he knew she had heard the wail of the ancient farm door swinging open.

“Gemma, what are you doing?”

“Disposing of things.”

“But… why are you burning them?”

Curiosity got the better of him. He rushed to her side and pulled the box from her hands. It was filled with cards, letters, trinkets, photos… Alex had never seen any fragment of Holly or her memory around this place before, yet here they all were, in this box.

Gemma grabbed a fistful of its contents and hurled it in the fireplace. Her face was blank, her eyes deadpan and she fed the hungry fire with more and more. It was almost ritualistic, the way she deposited each handful in its maw. Alex held the box out of her reach.

“How many boxes have you gone through, Gemma?” he demanded.

“Just that one.”

“It’s still full! Why?”

“I just got started. Can I have it back, please?”

“No! What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“It’s my box! Let me burn it!” Gemma grabbed the side and pulled, ripping the box and spilling its contents on the floor. She grabbed desperately at the spilled contents, but Alex grabbed her wrists and looked her straight in her frantic eyes.

“But it’s your mom, Gem! This is all you have! Why would you burn it!?”

“Not everyone’s mom loved them like your mom did, Alex! I don’t want to remember any of this!” she hissed as she hurled the empty cardboard shell into the fire. “See for yourself.”

Gemma vanished through the door to the second story. Alex stared at it, hoping she would come back through, that maybe she’d come around back to her normal self and tell him what the fuck was going on.

Turning his attention to the scattered mess on the floor, he leafed through the pile carefully. There were so many cards, so many letters… So many failed attempts. Gemma had told him, long ago, that her mother had wound up in police custody and gave Gemma up to her grandfather. She never explained the lack of contact. He had no idea why all of the sudden, this box full of painful memories appeared what seemed like overnight.

Whatever it was, it wasn’t going to be a fun voyeur. He couldn’t do it alone, not without Gemma, not without some context. Alex lifted himself up from his knees and navigated the ancient staircase with trepidation.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MEH
> 
> have another chapter
> 
> /shrugs

The second story of the farmhouse felt like it was in some sort of sick limbo. Everything up here was at least decades old. Even the television still had knobs on the front. There were boxes everywhere, and not all of them were intact. Papers, both in piles and scatters, littered the room. Alex had known Ben well enough to realize that this wasn’t the way he had left his home. Gemma had torn through all of this. There were so many boxes… it must have taken her a long time.

It immediately struck Alex that this was not an overnight thing. Months, weeks… it took more than an afternoon away for Gemma to search endless boxes and papers. Could this have been going on since the summer? That was weeks ago. She’d been good at keeping a secret, that’s for sure. He was trying very hard not to be mad at her, but it was proving difficult.

Gemma was curled up in an ancient armchair near the window. She rested her chin on her knees as she stared out at the farm. The fields were bare; the first deep frost had hit the other day, killing the last of Gemma’s cranberry bushes. Maybe it wasn’t such a good thing that winter was here, he wondered.

“Gemma, I know you’re upset and you don’t want to talk about this, but I’m really kind of freaked out right now,” Alex said sternly. “It looks like a tornado hit this place, and you’re burning shit, and… something’s been up. I wanna know. I  _ should _ know.”

Breath heaved in her chest as Gemma spoke. “So it started with that picture.”

“What picture?”

Gemma pulled a crumpled mess out of the pocket of Alex’s letterman. He recognized the distinct yellow tinge of the back of the polaroid, the stains around the edges. She handed it to him quickly, like touching it physically hurt her. Alex looked down at the familiar dimpled face.

Holly.

Alex sighed as he quickly began to realize that this went so much deeper than he thought it would go. He knew the basics, the bare bones, explained to him by Gemma in a short, surly manner many seasons ago. Needling it out of her had been a chore. Now, what was a trickle before seemed like a dam that had burst and spilled forth.

“I found that picture and I wanted more.” Gemma murmured, laying her head on her knees as she stared sadly at the photo’s wrinkled backside. “It started in the attic,” she said, pointing to the ladder above his head, “but there was nothing there. I tore it apart. It took three nights.”

“I gave up for a few days, thought maybe there wasn’t anything. Then I went back up there. It just… it was so deliberate, how little of Holly there was, I thought maybe Ben was hiding something. I should’ve stopped there,” she sobbed. “I should’ve stopped, but I just, I  _ wanted _ it, I wanted her, I wanted to know her so bad.”

Alex held out his arms and beckoned her. Gemma stood up, holding the letterman around her, and leaned her head against his shoulder as he rubbed her back. Not wanting to interrupt, he tried to coax the words out with soft touches instead. The anger and confusion that had been bubbling up inside was quickly extinguished by Gemma’s fragile state.

“I went to see Gus... He told me everything, Alex,” she breathed between raspy sobs. “Everything. Nothing’s what I thought it was...”

“Gemma, Gemma, Gemma, what do you mean?” he soothed.

“She  _ left  _ me. Someone found me hiding in a cardboard box in an alley and turned me into the police.  _ The cops already knew who I was, _ Alex. Like it had happened before or something.”

“So she  _ didn’t _ give you up,” Alex whispered. Gemma shook her head.

“That’s when the night terrors started. They were so bad, Alex. I didn’t want you to worry, or freak out, so I tried to hard to come up with reasons for you to stay home, but you wore me down, and I’m so, so sorry.”

“Night terrors? You’re apologizing for night terrors…” Alex could feel the tears soaking the shoulder of his t-shirt. “Oh! That night…”

Gemma nodded.

“You do not need to apologize for night terrors,” he said firmly, holding her shoulders as he did so, and looked into her eyes. She looked so unbelievably tired; he wondered how much longer she could go on for. Alex squeezed her shoulders. “Keep going. Get it all out.”

“I found the box, I remembered where it was, so I came up here to look for it last night… I found it. I don’t know why I don’t stop. Why can’t I stop, Alex? It just hurts more and more, the more I find. The more I learn.”

“What was in the box?”

“I think you should see for yourself. I don’t think I burned the birthday cards yet…”

“Let’s go.”

Alex took Gemma by the hand and led the charge down the stairs. He didn’t want to turn around. He didn’t want to, he couldn’t, see the broken girl clinging to his hand. His Gemma wasn’t like this; so shattered by another person… but he was finally in. She’d finally allowed him to peek inside and see what she thought was a broken, mangled mess. It was truly beautiful, how much she cared, how much she’d destroyed herself in the process of trying to protect him, trying to insulate him from herself.

It reminded him a lot of his mother, as fucked up as it sounded to himself. That she would be like Kathryn. Of course, if she were there, Evelyn would remind him that he would only search out excellence after being around it for so long. Gemma was that excellence. Her devotion was terrifyingly deep, yes, but he treasured it.

They reached the pile of papers, photographs, letters… there was so much there. It seemed like a lot until he realized that every single one was an attempt by Holly to reach Gemma over the course of 13 years. It really wasn’t that much; if Alex had written down everything his mother had ever said to him, the whole room would be filled with paper. Gemma only had this tiny pile.

“Start with these,” she muttered, handing him a pile of birthday cards. “They might be all you need to see.”

There were thirteen cards in total, each dated with the same date, Fall 12. Had Gemma’s birthday already passed? He’d missed it? Now that he thought of it, she’d never actually told him when her birthday was… just carefully danced around it instead. He branded the date into his brain, he’d never forget or go past it without at least telling her happy birthday again.

“What kind of mother begs her child for money?” he scoffed, flipping through each card carefully. “What the fuck, that happened every year for four goddamn years.”

“The letters are the same thing. Grovelling for money or for help or to convince my grandfather to send me back.”

“She doesn’t even ask about you or try to learn  _ anything  _ about you,” he growled. “It’s all about her.”

Gemma nodded.

“Fuck, and I thought I had it bad.”

“It’s not a competition for who has the saddest mom story, Alex.”

“Right, right…” Alex trailed off as he looked at them. “So, your mom was a drug addict. She left you. But you had Ben, he took you in and loved you and cared for you… Shouldn’t you be happy for that, at least? I mean, yeah,” he said, pointing at the pile, “this stuff sucks and I’ll help you burn it, don’t remember this stuff. But shouldn’t there at least be joy in the fact that it brought you together with Ben?”

“I left him, Alex, because things got hard and I couldn’t handle it,” she said, her voice breaking. “How does that make me any better than her? It makes me the same. I’m just like her, in the worst way. I run when things get hard and leave the people who care about me to rot, alone.” 

“You’re not like her, Gem!” Alex exclaimed exasperatedly.

“How. Tell me how I’m not, because I can’t fucking see it. Ben was only trying to help me, but I was selfish. I left. I didn’t come back until he was dead and gone, for a long time. Holly did the same, but lucky for me, someone found me before I fucking rotted.”

“You were eighteen! How are eighteen year olds NOT selfish? When I was eighteen I could only think about sex, food, and going pro. Newsflash, Gem, everyone’s a little shitty when they’re eighteen! If you were like Holly, you would’ve sold the deed to the farm for crack! You would’ve stayed at Joja! You wouldn’t have come here, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you… Can’t you see how different you are?”

“But what I did…” she choked. She covered her face, the sleeves of Alex’s letterman clenched tightly in her fists.

“Is in the past. If you never forgive yourself, you’ll only torture yourself forever,” Alex said, pulling her into his arms and holding her tight.

“If only I could ask him to forgive me. What would he say?”

“Well… I mean, I’m no expert on the guy, but I knew him for a long, long time. I think he’d be so proud... So proud that you’re here, Gem,” Alex said, kissing her forehead. They were curled up on the couch as they watched the fire crackle, with the pile of papers sitting in their laps. “You’re turning this place around. You’ve made it a home again. I like living here, when I’m allowed to, I mean,” he chuckled.

Gemma scoffed. “You’re always allowed to.”

“When’s the last time you went to his shrine?” Alex asked.

Gemma sat there quietly for a long time. “I’ve been too scared to go.”

“Okay, I have a plan. Let’s go to Pierre’s, get a candle to light for Ben, and some hot dogs to cook over the smouldering flames of all of this bullshit,” Alex suggested.

Gemma sighed with a sad kind of smile as she leaned against Alex. He felt her head nod against his side. Alex hopped up off of the couch, filled with a newfound enthusiasm. He was in, he was in, it felt so fucking good to be in,  _ finally. _ Among the heartbreak, there were new seeds to sow here. Trust and love could be found in the darkest of places, and he knew that best. Rummaging through her closet, he found a pair of her jeans, one of his shirts, and some clean socks and brought them to her on the couch. Gemma stood to dress, took his letterman off, and handed it to him.

“Sorry for hogging this,” she muttered. “It smelled like you. I kind of needed that.”

“Keep it. For now. I mean, not forever,” he chuckled. She smiled at him wearily. They slipped their boots on, pulled on their coats, and walked out the front door with the dogs. Dusty ran ahead while Storm stayed close to Gemma like a fluffy, white shadow.

“That dog… that dog knows you so well,” Alex said, shaking his head.

Gemma patted Storm’s head as they walked. Storm leaned into her side and whined. “He’s a good boy. We’ve been through a lot.”

Gemma waited outside while Alex went into the general store. He couldn’t blame her for not wanting to socialize right now… she was barely keeping it together. Alex wished for some kind of button to press that would rectify all of this and make Gemma feel okay again…. Patience. He needed patience. Time heals, he thought.

 

______________________________________________________________________________

 

The path to the shrine near the farmhouse was old and neglected. Tall, strong weeds had grown where feet once trod. In between the worn stones of the path, grass had grown in patchwork. It was a lush, green quilt, one that was difficult to navigate without getting trapped in the brambles. 

It wasn’t so bad for Alex, who was much taller and could step over a lot of it, but for Gemma, it was a struggle. He tried his best to help her fight her way through the undergrowth, but the undergrowth fought back. Thorns dragged their way painfully across her skin. How long had it been since someone was over here? Years, probably, she thought, as he pulled a sapling out of the way for her.

“It’s too late, Alex, this place is a disaster,” Gemma sighed.

“Don’t give up, it’s better late than never,” he said softly, taking her by the hand as they’d cleared most of the brush and trees to make their way into a small clearing in the forest. The shrine itself seemed unaffected by the passage of time. Gemma ran her hands over the smooth, carved surface of the rock. The small bench for offerings, candles, or visitors sat underneath a carved outcropping. Four sconces for candles circled it, each holding the withered remains of candles from past ceremonies or prayers. 

It was beautiful. The stone felt so strong under her fingers. She was so thankful that unlike its surroundings, the shrine had stayed beautiful all this time. With some work, it could be a beautiful place to honor her grandfather, maybe. If she still had the heart to do it. Gemma was kicking herself for the fact that this was her first time here. It should’ve been years ago.

“Here’s your candle,” Alex said, “and your lighter. I’m just gonna… I’m gonna give you a minute. Lemme know if you need me.” He kissed her cheek before wandering across the clearing to the edge of the forest and sitting, facing away, at the base of a tree.

“Thanks,” she murmured. Gemma’s hands trembled as she examined the candle. It was very plain, just a regular old white candle, but it was perfect. Ben had always been a simple man and put value in the use of an item, rather than its appearance. She carefully lit it and set it in a sconce beside the altar. Gemma sat criss-cross at its base and leaned against the old shrine.

“Hi, Ben,” Gemma croaked. The words sounded so strange, coming from her mouth, for no one to hear. An icy wind split the air and cut through her like a knife. Shivering, she pulled her knees into Alex’s letterman and took a breath.

“It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? I’m sorry. I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long… too long,” she whispered, leaning her head against the altar. Although the stone was out here, in the elements, it was somehow warmer than she’d expected it to be. Gemma pressed her body to it, in hopes of warming herself.

“I am so afraid, Ben, I’m so afraid of being like Holly. You were right to do what you did, no matter how much I hated you for it back then. She was… a fucking evil person,” Gemma said with a breathy laugh. Her eyes stung, though she had no tears left to cry. “I know you can’t say anything… I don’t even know what I’m doing right now. I just want you to know how sorry I am. How much I miss you. How much I love you. I’m trying to do right by you, Ben. Make this place better than it was.”

“I don’t blame you if you can’t forgive me. I can’t even forgive myself,” Gemma said hoarsely. “I just want you to know that I’ll try. I won’t stop trying.”

Gemma brought herself to her feet and set her palm flat on the top of the shrine. Her candle was burning brightly, casting a dim, yet warm light over the clearing. Its flame danced and flickered to and fro with vivacity. She almost wanted to reach out and touch it, to feel something from this place that was already sacred to her, even though she had only been here a few minutes.

“Done?” Alex said, his feet crunching the dead leaves below. Gemma nodded before pulling the old, green jacket around her snugly. Alex held her in his arms tight and rested his cheek on top of her head. Gemma was happy to hold him close. It had been an exhausting day… yet a happy one.

She was braver today than she’d ever given herself credit for. Coming clean to Alex, apologizing to her grandfather… two things she thought would never happen had. She had herself to thank for that, and Alex, too. Gemma didn’t honestly know if he’d have the patience to help her wade through the madness, but he’d stayed at her side the whole time. Alex was a strong person, physically- she knew that- but she wished she had given him more credit, that she had known that he would be just as strong emotionally, too. She would have to make that up to him at some point.

“I love you,” she whispered. “Let’s go home.”

“To your home,” he whispered back with a chuckle before brushing the hair away from her face to kiss her.

“Our home. Ours. If you still wanna be a part of it.”

“You know I do,” he said with a grin.

“Crazy man,” Gemma said, rolling her eyes.

“Only for you, babe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hit me up @ tinyconfectionary.tumblr.com we can talk shit about stardew valley or how i can't seem to be a normal human being


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys! There's _fucking fanart_. [ HERE IT IS ](http://thelaxoddish.tumblr.com/post/174381670573/tinyconfectionary-i-just-loved-ur-fanfic-i-had) Pleeease go look at it. I am so ridiculously thrilled by its beautiful existence.

The next few days were spent in the solace of the farmhouse, hiding out from the rest of the world. Alex finals for his few classes, to Gemma’s delight, so they spent the majority of that time in bed, cuddling and talking. They talked about everything they could think of, but most of it was spent talking about plans. The future they’d never thought about suddenly became all they could talk about.

It all started with the first snowfall. It was only the second day of Winter, by Gemma’s guess, but the ground was already covered in a thick dusting of snow. The fridge was empty, they were hungry, and the Saloon called their names. The two bundled up in their winter coats and boots before heading out the door to brave the weather.

“We need those mittens,” Gemma said grumpily, as her mittened hand slipped out of its mitten for the second time. Alex held her mittened hand with his gloved one just tight enough to force her hand out.

“What are you talking about?”

“Lovers’ mittens, or whatever, the ones you can hold hands in!”

“That’s ridiculous, Gem,” Alex said, pulling his glove off of his hand. “Here,” he said, taking her hand in his and shoving it in his coat pocket, “Now we don’t need lovely gloves, or whatever.”

Gemma scowled at him playfully. The icy nip in the air reddened her nose and ears. She missed the summer. The winter was dreary and filled with nothing. No crops to tend to, no rivers to fish. Even her favorite running paths were iced over in the mornings- if she was lucky, they would thaw after lunchtime. Today, she hadn’t been lucky, and yesterday wasn’t a lucky day either. She was starting to wonder how she would spend this entire season cooped up in her house without going crazy.

That was just what she needed, she thought. An entire season trapped inside her house, half of which still seemed to bring her pain. Sure, she and Alex had spent time up there, sitting, absorbing the atmosphere… talking about Holly. Gemma could tell how badly he wanted to talk about her. While it made her uncomfortable, she knew that talking about it was the only way to start the healing process. She didn’t know how to handle Alex’s fascination with her, though.

The Saloon was busy. It was filled to the brim with townsfolk. Of course, with this much snowfall, there wasn’t much else to do. Pelican Town seemed like a community of people that relied on each other when times were bad or boring. People called out from every which way to say hello, or to ask how she was doing. She knew that they had no idea what was going on in her mind, but still, the attention made her feel a little paranoid.

“Gemma! Thank you so much for the lobster you brought me the other day,” Elliott said, sidling over to the barstool she’d perched on. “Let me buy you a beer.”

“Okay,” she said quietly. Alex had walked to the end of the bar to talk to Shane, surely about the Tunnelers’ season no doubt, she thought to herself with a smile. He noticed her looking at him and waved. She waved a tiny wave back.

“Here you are, Elliott. Two beers. Gemma,” Gus said with a curt nod. It had just dawned on her that she hadn’t come back to the Saloon since she and Gus had had that awful conversation. She felt a little guilty that she hadn’t come back to see him. It wasn’t his fault, after all.

“Hi Gus. How are you?” she asked politely.

“I’m good Gem, real good. Thanks for askin’. You doing okay?”

Gemma nodded. “Better. I’m getting better.”

Gus smiled. “Glad to hear it. Can I get you anything?”

“I think Alex wanted to get, um… oh, breakfast for dinner, huh?” she said, looking at the special. “Yeah, he’s gonna want that. Can you bring him two? And I’d like one of those pizzas you make.”

“You still like olives on it?” Gus asked as he scrawled her order on a notepad.

“Oh my god, how do you remember that!?” Gemma laughed. “I haven’t had olives on my pizza since I was a kid.”

“Every Friday, Ben would come in here, get a beer, and an olive pizza to go. He never ate the pizza, so it had to have been for you.” Gus smiled as he walked off toward the kitchen. Elliott was half-listening. He was busy watching his red-headed wife chat with Marnie at the other end of the bar.

“Married life good?” Gemma asked casually.

“Oh, you know, life in the forest is so different from that by the sea,” Elliott said. “But I’ve accustomed to the sound of songbirds twittering and the rhythmic thud of Leah’s hammer as she brings life to wood. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“What’s it like?” she asked quietly. Gemma couldn’t deny that she was curious about it. Getting married was like volunteering to be family. She’d like to have a family. Sure, she knew that she could count Storm as family, but he wasn’t keen on talking about it.

“Oh, she’s asking questions... someone should warn Alex of your curiosities,” he chuckled. Gemma could feel her face reddening as she frowned at him. “I kid, I kid. I won’t divulge your secrets. But I will tell you that it’s quite nice to know that there will be someone by your side, always, no matter the storms you face.”

Leah smiled at him and waved him over. “That’s my cue. Goodnight, Gemma, and thank you again.”

“Bye, Elliott.” Gemma said quietly as she watched them link arms and walk out the door. Alex was already by her side through the storms, as Elliott would say. He’d weathered the worst of her easily. She wondered if they even needed rings to prove that they would continue to do so for each other... 

It would be nice.

“Man, that guy watched the season way more closely than I did, I need to be better about that next year,” Alex chuckled as he sat down on the barstool next to Gemma. She was engrossed in thought. “You okay?”

“I love you,” she cooed, tilting her head up at him the way she did when she wanted him to kiss her without having to ask for it. Perhaps she could distract him, get him thinking about other things instead of what was on her mind. Hell, she wasn’t even sure what she was thinking about- maybe she really had lost it.

“I love you too, Gem,” he said, hovering his lips above hers teasingly before giving her what he wanted. “What are you thinking about?”

No such luck tonight, she thought. He was catching on to her strategies quickly.

“Um,” she said, trying to think of something else to say. She didn’t want to give him the wrong impression. Sure, maybe someday marriage might be nice. Someday. A long time from now. He looked at her quizzically.

“Very interesting, tell me more,” he laughed.

“I was just thinking about the future,” she muttered.

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about that too,” he mused, fiddling with the scrambled eggs on his plate. Gemma’s breath caught in her chest. _ Please, please, please, don’t talk to me about that yet...  _ “And what we talked about the other day at Ben’s shrine.”

The breath she held in her chest release with relief as soon as he uttered the words. “Okay,” she said. “About the farm?”

“Yeah. You said it was our home,” he said, blushing. “Ours…” he put his hand on hers.

“I did,” she said shyly. 

“Did you mean that?”

“Of course, how could I not?” she smiled nervously at Alex… was his really happening? Things were moving so fast- just the other week they’d said those three, huge words- but this felt so right. He practically already lived at the farmhouse anyway. She was trying to justify something to herself she had already decided on, she realized.

“So like, are you thinking I should move in, or you want me out, or what? I can’t tell with you anymore,” he laughed anxiously. 

“Move in,” she whispered, setting her hands on her knees and leaning in. “Move in with me.”

He bit his lip as he looked at her. He was smiling- that’s good, she thought. If he didn’t want to move in, he wouldn’t be smiling… but why was he so quiet?

“Say something. Please?” she whispered, squeezing his knees.

“Yeah,” he laughed. “You know I wanna move in, Gem, but my grandparents… I can’t just leave them high and dry. They need my help. I’ve been thinking about it. Can we do, like, dinner over there a couple times a week? I’ll probably hang out there Mondays or something.”

“And suffer through Evelyn’s wonderful cooking? However will I cope,” she said, dramatically throwing her hand across her face. “You know that whatever it is, I’ll do it.”

“Okay,” Alex said with a smile. “Then let’s make it happen.”

 

____________________________________________________________________________

 

Gemma’s hands were shaking as she fiddled with the key in the Mullners' lock. She told herself that it was the freezing cold air outside and the snow beneath her sneakers that make her shiver hard enough to stab errantly at the lock with her key, not the fact that this was the first time she was ever using it. In the Mullners' lock. Alex’  _ old _ house, as of yesterday. Before she could even get  her key in the lock, the door swung open, revealing a smiling Evelyn.

“I was wondering who was fiddling with our lock,” Evelyn said with a knowing smile. “Come in, dear.”  
“Hi, Evelyn,” Gemma said, stomping her snowy shoes on the mat before stepping inside. She peeled off her parka and scarf and hung them on the rack by the door. George was in the living room watching television, of course. The smell of cookies tantalized her nose and drew her into the kitchen where Evelyn was carefully frosting cookies.

“Those smell wonderful, Evelyn,” Gemma exclaimed as she hovered over the elderly woman’s shoulder.

“And they look nice, too,” Evelyn said as she wiped a bead of sweat from her brow. “I’m very proud of these. You two will enjoy them.”

“You made us cookies? You’re so sweet, Ev,” Gemma gushed, giving the old woman a squeeze. They were little house cookies. With the huge front porch and the bay window, there was no mistaking that this was the Stills farmhouse. Gemma blushed furiously. “Oh my god, you made our house. Our little farmhouse. It’s a cookie!”

“They’re my little way of wishing you luck. I know Alex is so excited. Where is he, by the way?”

“Oh, he’s in the city today taking his physiology final but he’ll be back in time for dinner tonight,” Gemma explained. “I came over to grab some of the stuff we didn’t get yesterday.”

“Right, he mentioned some boxes that you were going to take. Can you handle them by yourself?”

“I have the wagon outside. Alex put these giant tires on it yesterday so it rolls over the snow with no problem.”

“He’s such a good boy,” Evelyn said with a smile. “I think he put those boxes in the hall.”

“Okay!”

The small stack of boxes in the hall wouldn’t be an issue. They were mostly filled with clothes for the spring and summer that Alex had already packed away. The boxes were bigger than Gemma remembered them being; she grabbed one with both hands, knocking a frame off the wall. It clattered to the carpeted floor.

“Everything okay, Gemma?” Evelyn called.

“Yeah, everything’s fine-”

The kind, hazel eyes that stared up at her from the photograph, along with the strong, angled nose reminded Gemma of Alex instantly. The woman that was there, though, obviously wasn’t him. The eyes were sweet and gentle, but tired. Dark brown hair cascaded down her shoulders in ringlets. The small boy in the woman’s arms and the woman herself had the same tan complexion. Gemma’s stare kept bouncing back to those eyes.

“Oh, she was beautiful, wasn’t she?” Evelyn said wistfully.

“This is Alex’s mom, right?” Gemma said in awe.

“That’s Kathryn. She really was a treasure. That was taken shortly after Alex was born.”

“No wonder she looks so tired,” Gemma giggled.

“He was such a rascal, even as a baby,” Evelyn laughed.

“What was Kathryn like?”

“Oh, Gemma, you would have adored each other… I’d love to show you some pictures, if you have a minute.”

Gemma nodded enthusiastically. She knew that Alex tried not to talk about Kathryn around her. Perhaps he thought it was painful for Gemma to be reminded of the kind of mother she didn’t have growing up. She knew what she was missing though. It wasn’t like Alex was the only one who had a loving mother, and others weren’t as sensitive or knowledgeable about Gemma’s past as he was.

“I have the sweetest video that’s even better than a picture,” Evelyn said, hobbling into the living room, where George was watching the news. Gemma wondered how many times he’d seen it that day. “George, may we use the television, please?”

George grunted. “Anything’s better than this junk.”

Evelyn put the old tape into the cassette player. Black and white scribbled across the screen as she rewound it. The fuzzy sound the television made while rewinding instantly made Gemma nostalgic for the times she and Ben would watch old movies on his VCR. She smiled as she enjoyed the little nostalgia trip.

“This video is so cute,” Evelyn sighed happily. “It was Alex’s… seventh birthday? He was such a scamp.”

The VCR clicked and the television screen erupted with color. There was a large group of people gathered underneath the trees by the park next to the community center. Makeshift tables and pop-up chairs littered the open space. A big banner hung between two trees, reading “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” with cartoon gridballs all over it.

“See, there’s Kathryn,” Evelyn said warmly, pointing to a woman in a pink sweater and jeans who was sitting with whom Gemma assumed was little Alex. She could see the love between the two of them; it was radiant and heartwarming. “This was only a year before her diagnosis.”

Gemma looked at the older couple. Their faces had aged significantly as they watched their daughter on the television. Evelyn smiled wistfully as she clasped her hands to her heart. George had even fallen out of his typical grimace to stare, eyes unblinking, on the captured memory. Gemma suddenly felt as if she was intruding on a very private moment, until she remembered that she was invited to watch with them.

“He never told me how it happened- how she passed, I mean,” Gemma whispered. It truly was captivating to watch Alex and his mother. She smiled as she watched the two share a huge piece of cake.

“Birthday boy, birthday boy, I love you,” Kathryn sang in the video. Her voice was dripping with sweetness, like a spoon just pulled from a jar of honey. Gemma’s heart was wrought with jealousy and affection as she watched quietly.

“It was breast cancer,” George muttered. “She’d gone into remission but it came back a few years later.”

“Spread to her lymph nodes, bless her soul,” Evelyn whispered, taking George’s hand as she finally sat down by his side.

“Jacob, give me the camera,” Kathryn said with a smile as she approached the camera. “We need to see daddy, too.”

“Daddy!” Alex shrieked, as a huge, redheaded man came thundering onto the screen. He lifted up tiny Alex and set him on his shoulders while singing happy birthday.

“And that’s Alex’s dad.” Gemma asked curtly.

“Yes,” Evelyn answered quietly.

Gemma couldn’t see the anger, the violence, as she looked at the pair. She could see Alex’s broad shoulders and smile as she looked at Jacob. He looked like a regular, happy guy, but Gemma knew well that those who harbored dark secrets were often the best at hiding them. Jacob was probably one of those people.

“I’m sure you know the story about him,” Evelyn said as she took Gemma’s hand. “I hope you do, because we don’t speak of him anymore.”

“Alex told me,” Gemma said quietly. The camera was passed back to Jacob, thankfully, bringing Kathryn’s shining face back onto the television and a sense of comfort back to the small living room.

“She seems wonderful,” Gemma whispered, awe-struck. She’d always chalked up Kathryn’s amazingness to the fact that it was Alex who was telling them to her, that he’d put her on an impossible pedestal, that no one could be so sweet and loving. Boy, was she wrong.

“She was, dear. You two would have adored each other,” Evelyn said sweetly, as she patted Gemma’s hand. “I’m sure that she’d be elated if she could see how much you and Alex love each other.”

“Evelyn, I came over here for boxes, not to get all choked up,” Gemma muttered as she blotted her shining eyes on her sleeves.

“Yes, well, I don’t get to see Kathryn often. You remind me a little bit of her. I just had to share,” Evelyn said wistfully, a bittersweet smile turning her lips. “Thank you for allowing me to.”

“Thank you for sharing with me,” Gemma whispered.

____________________________________________________________________________

 

“Winter Star is coming up,” Alex said nonchalantly as they walked home from George and Evelyn’s one evening. The whole plaza was already dressed up for the holiday. An enormous tree, glittering, glowing, and beautiful, stood guard near the saloon while tinsel and velvet ribbon adorned each lamppost. The ladies of the village really did their magic on it, Gemma thought, as she enjoyed the festive display.

“Oh yeah,” Gemma muttered, half-listening, as she noticed the snowman Abigail had crudely made outside of the general store. It had the same hairstyle as Pierre; she’d even gone to the trouble to twist a pair of glasses out of wire and make a sign for it, reading GET YOUR HOLLY WREATHS HERE!

“Since you failed to mention your birthday, you owe me,” Alex said with a grin. He’d wrapped his arms around her shoulders and held her close as they walked over to the big, glimmering tree and he held her tight as they admired it. Come to think of it, he’d been pretty clingy ever since they’d finally had that talk. Since she’d finally opened up that awful can of worms.

Gemma had assumed it would send Alex running for the hills. When they’d started dating, he surely didn’t sign up for a girl with baggage so large it literally needed its own room. He’d dated Haley before he dated Gemma, and she was a force to be reckoned with, but didn’t have baggage. When he’d taken on her trauma with such grace and goodwill, she felt guilty that she ever doubted him. 

“Ugh, I was wondering when you were gonna bring that up,” Gemma groaned.

“You made a freaking cake for my birthday and I didn’t even know when yours was! I have so much to do. So much to  _ plan _ ,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows at her suggestively. Gemma groaned.

“Nope,” he said, “no whining. This is gonna be your best Winter Star ever,” Alex said cheerfully. “Do you have decorations?”

“I think there might be some in the attic,” Gemma pondered out loud.

“Great. Okay. Well, we gotta stop in the Saloon, because I know Gus made eggnog, and we gotta get some if we’re gonna decorate!”

Gemma waited outside while Alex stepped into the Saloon. Looking upwards, she watched as tiny flecks of snow danced their way to the ground. The light of the lamppost illuminated them so illustriously. It was amusing to watch the tiny, glowing flakes slowly swirl and swoop through the sky to make it to their destination below. She felt very much like a snowflake right now; trapped in gravity’s pull, hurtling every which way until she landed. She was very much aware that she had no idea where she was going to land yet.

“Alright, I got the last little bit!” Alex cheered as he hustled out the door. Gemma smiled and glanced at him before continuing to watch the snowflake ballet.

“You have snowflakes in your eyelashes,” he whispered, looping the bag around his wrist so he could cradle her cheek in one hand and delicately brush the snowflakes away with the other. Gemma closed her eyes as he touched her face. She couldn’t believe that after nearly half a year of being together that he still made her blush and her heart race. Large, soft hands were followed by warm, full lips as he kissed her cheeks. “I can’t believe it, but you’re even prettier in the snow.”

Gemma rolled her eyes at him and smirked before taking his hand and walking back to the farm.


	29. Chapter 29

Alex awoke to the sweet sound of Gemma’s voice and her hands running through his hair. Alex’s head was pounding like a timpani drum. It was insane; he’d never, ever been this hungover, not in his entire life- not that he had ever been hungover before. A sea of nausea sloshed in his stomach, daring to make its exit whichever way it saw fit. Pulling a pillow over his eyes, he groaned.

“Alex, do you want to go for a run with me?” she asked quietly.

How could she seriously be considering that, after the raging New Years party they’d attended last night? D’Angelo really knew how to throw one- hell, he’d even gotten Alex drunk. It was then that Alex remembered that Gemma drove home. In the dark. On a holiday.  _ Fuck _ , he thought. She really hated driving. He owed her one, but not until this hangover was long gone.

“ ‘m gonna sleep a little more,” he croaked before rolling over onto his belly and clamping the pillow down over his head. Just the sound of Gemma sighing was enough to make the throbbing of his head even more intense. Alex shut his eyes tightly and drifted back off to sleep.

 

____________________________________________________________________________

 

The next time Alex woke, the headache and nausea had subsided, thankfully. The light seeping from underneath the curtain was a lot more bearable. Alex grabbed his phone to check the time… it was ten? Already? He must have been sleeping a long time. He reached over lazily to scratch at whatever dog laid by him at night- usually Dusty- but the spot was cold and long abandoned.

Alex stood and stretched before dressing himself. Usually, he could hear bacon sizzling in the kitchen, or smell the sweet, sweet aroma of coffee that was often just enough to wake him up. The house itself was oddly quiet, save for the occasional sound of settling that the ancient wood frame would make from time to time. He made his way into the kitchen, perhaps to find Gemma asleep on the couch with her running shoes on like he always did after she went on a long, hard run.

The couch was empty and the stove was cold. Storm was sitting by the door, his back pressed against it, while staring at Alex intently. Dusty was passed out right next to him, snores rippling through him like a sawmill. Alex couldn’t help the smile that twisted his lip in affection for his old friend.

“Storm, you wanna go out?” Alex asked Storm. An odd, sad whine was made in response as Storm vocalized. The white husky jumped to his feet and scratched at the door furiously.

“Hey, stop that!” Alex commanded. Storm barked at him before scratching at the door yet again. Alex put his boots on, along with his coat, and flung the door open for Storm. Gemma was probably outside anyway, and Storm was just being his weird self. Stepping out into the biting cold air, Alex surveyed the land around him with disdain as Storm sprinted off toward the gate. 

Again, he sat and stared at Alex. It was like he was waiting for him. Alex knew that Storm was intelligent- and also rather insane- but the way he looked at him with such intent was rather creepy. Alex much preferred the lackadaisical, intent look in Dusty’s eyes to the hyper-focused attention of Storm.

“Storm, what’s up?” Alex said, furrowing his brow. The dog adjusted his seated position nervously, shifting his weight from paw to paw. Alex swung the gate open for him and Storm sprinted off. “Get back here! Gemma’s gonna kill me if you go missing!”

Storm didn’t care, of course. The husky never obeyed Alex. As far as Storm was concerned, Alex was merely allowed in the presence of his dear master, he was a guest. Storm didn’t listen to him, or his grandparents… no one, really, but Gemma. He’d come back. If Gemma called, he’d come running.

He continued to look for Gemma, but he was quickly running out of places. She wasn’t in the barn- nothing was, yet- and she wasn’t in the greenhouse. That weird cave behind it was void of people as well. Alex went back inside the house and called for Gemma up the second story stairs. Watching the dust motes float through the air, he waited patiently for a responding hello, the sound of sliding boxes, anything to signal a human presence. There was nothing.

“What the hell?” he muttered under his breath. It was like she’d straight up disappeared. Checking the kitchen for clues, he found nothing but day-old coffee and Gemma’s cell phone sitting on the counter. Great, now she was virtually impossible to reach. He reminded himself to talk with her about that later; she forgot the damn thing all the time.

He fished his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed quickly.

“Hello, dear,” Evelyn said cheerfully.

“Hey, Gram, is Gemma there with you?” he asked, beginning to feel rather nervous.

“No… I haven’t seen her yet today,” Evelyn said. She must have been able to hear the worry in his voice. “She said she was going to start running again today, right? Is she out for her run?”

“I gotta go, Gram, thanks,” Alex abruptly hung up the phone and nervously ran his fingers through his hair. It still had the gel in it from last night. Using the kitchen sink to wet his fingers, he ran them through his hair until he could feel the gel regain its moist quality and stick up again.

“What the fuck are you doing, worrying about your hair right now? Goddamn,” he muttered to himself before pulling a hat on over his head and stepping out the door. He marched straight through the gate and towards the town plaza. His boots crunching through the thin ice and squelching in the mud underneath it. The snow was melting, but the ice that had grown throughout the winter remained. It created a goopy, slick mess through which Alex trod carefully.

“Hey, I just saw your dog run past,” Robin in passing as she made her way south to Jodi’s house through the plaza.

“Which way did he go?” Alex sighed.

“Up toward my house. I don’t know what he’s gonna do up there.”

“Did you see Gemma anywhere?” Alex blurted.

Robin frowned at him. “No… how long has it been?”

“I dunno, a few hours. Last I saw her she was trying to get me to go running with her, but… Now I’m wishing I’d gone with her.”

Her face creased with worry as Robin drifted off in thought for a moment. Alex was ashamed of himself, first of all, for making half the town worry about Gemma, who was probably off occupying herself with a fishing pole or pickaxe like she did when the weather was less than desirable, and second, for allowing a hangover to keep himself from her. He should’ve made more of an effort, not just for her, but for himself, too.

“Alex,” Robin said curtly. He must have zoned out, gotten lost in the mess of thoughts that made his already foggy brain even cloudier. “Should we be worried?” She had that look. It was a look he hadn’t seen in such a long time that he’d forgotten it even existed… the worried mother face. He pursed his lips and furrowed his brow as Alex nodded.

“Okay, well, then let’s make a plan,” Robin said. “Last thing you can remember that might tell us where she went?”

“She woke me up to see if I wanted to go running with her, but…” Alex didn’t want to mention why he didn’t go. He was disappointed in himself for the hangover and the lazy attitude. “That was hours ago.”

“Let’s say something happened while she was out for her run...”

Alex inhaled sharply before running his hands through his hair nervously. He turned his back to Robin as he squeezed his eyes shut tightly and exhaled the breath, letting it rattle through his chest. She couldn’t be hurt, could she? How could he let that happen? No way. Gemma was smart; she wouldn’t get hurt doing something she did every day.

“Alex,” Robin said softly, setting her hand on his shoulder. “I know it’s not fun to think about it but if she’s out there and injured, we need to act now.”

Alex nodded. “Right.”

“Let’s go to my house, I have a first aid kit there. Do you have any idea where she could be?”

“There’s this trail that goes north of the mine, like, past the train tracks.” Alex said, pinching the bridge of his nose. It felt like he was trying to squeeze the nonsense out of his brain. “We usually run there together but she’s been avoiding it because of all the snow. She’s been talking about it a lot, though, I think she misses it.”

“She’s probably there then, if anything,” Robin said with a smile. “That’s good, we know where to start. If she’s hurt then we can help her… and if she’s fine, then she has something she gets to tease you about for a long time.”

“Robin,” Alex grumbled.

“It’s very sweet how worried you are about her, Alex. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it.”

Alex fidgeted nervously as he waited for Robin outside of her home. The wind nipped at his bare skin as he zipped his jacket all the way up to his chin. Spring was coming, sure, but it had to fight Winter for the stake ithad claimed here in the valley. He couldn’t settle with the idea that Gemma was out there somewhere in this cold. Hurt. Alone. Maybe worse.

“Do you have a phone with you?” Robin asked as she exited her house, carrying a backpack.

“Yeah, I do. Why? Are we splitting up?”

“Yep. I’m going to check the trails that head west, closer to the farm. Call me when you’re done checking over there. I left the first aid kit in the shop, so if either of us finds her and she’s hurt, we can come back here and use it.”

“Okay, see you.”

Alex made his way north past Robin’s house and across the bridge. There was a small break in the treeline where the trail started. The Adventurer’s Guild had marked its opening long ago with a strip of faded red fabric tied around a pine tree. Otherwise, the trail would’ve been completely invisible to the unwitting passersby.

The trail here wasn’t too bad. The dirt here was slightly muddy from snowmelt, but not too slick. As he hiked along, Alex began to wonder if he was just being silly. Gemma was probably fine, tucked away in some corner of town, going about her business. She probably did run here hours ago, came home to clean up, and then headed out again.

A slight drizzle began to fall. He must have been hiking for twenty minutes, maybe, he didn’t check the time when he started. Alex was almost ready to turn back. This was so stupid, he thought. He was worrying about nothing. That sick feeling in his stomach was self-made and maintained over a silly thought he just couldn’t seem to shake.

Crunching underneath his feet told him there was still ice here, despite the fact that there was sun earlier today. The drizzle was growing into steady rainfall slowly, but surely. He pulled his hood over his head to shield himself from the chilly drops and looked to his feet to avoid what were now large patches of ice, brown in color from the soil that had mixed into the water.

There was a footprint, and it was fresh. It wasn’t human like the other prints that were older, and washing away with the rain. Canine, probably, he thought. Either a coyote, or maybe even Storm… why would Storm come  _ here? _

“Storm,” Alex called out. Either he would find a now-brown husky, drenched in mud and happy as could be, or his voice would scare off whatever creature was hiding in the forest. He was scared until he remembered that he probably had a good hundred pounds on whatever would want to pick a fight with him and had feet that size. Storm’s bark could be heard as it echoed through the trees. Alex called again. “Storm! Come here!”

A bark and a whine, high pitched, distressed. Fuck if he knew that when he was forming a search party for Gemma, he’d be finding her damn dog instead. Alex picked up the pace with urgency as he made his way further down the trail. Hopefully, he’d find Storm and give him a piece of his mind- not like he could understand, anyway. The ground was beginning to give way to form a small ridge, as it did at this point. He’d run it enough times to know its landscape.

Alex’s breath caught in his throat as his feet slipped beneath him. Grabbing onto a tall, bare maple tree, he steadied himself as he looked down. Ice, so much ice was staggered here and there… he wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to hike much further, given the steady rainfall and now this. Spring was the worst, he decided.

Storm whined and Alex’s head shot up. The husky was covered in mud, just as Alex expected. His amber eyes looked into Alex’s startlingly before the dog buried his nose into the body he was curled up against. It was like someone had dropped an anvil on his chest; all the air was gone and no matter how many times he tried, he couldn’t draw a breath. 

Gemma, his Gemma, laying there bloodied and broken, and it was his fault. His fault. A dry sob escaped his lips as he crouched next to her. Storm had flattened himself against her side, but wagged his tail as Alex patted his head and whispered incoherent praises to the dog.  Amber hair caked with mud ensconced her bleeding forehead like a macabre halo. Eyelids drooping, her breath heaved slowly in her chest as she turned her head to look at him. Gemma had managed to prop herself up against the ridge that bordered the north side of the trail.

Her ankle was deathly shades of pink, blue, and a tinge of red, spattered with blood. There was bone, the sharp end of her broken fibula, sticking out at an odd angle just above her running shoe, which was soaking wet. Now that he really looked at her, most of her clothes were wet, and covered in mud. No wonder she was shivering.

Gemma opened her eyes, looked at him, and smiled. Of all fucking things, she was smiling. He couldn’t help but smile back as his hands frantically ghosted over here as the instinct to touch her reassuringly fought the knowledge that when finding someone like this, the last thing you wanted to do was move them and make them worse.

“Gemma,” he choked, a relieved smile crossing his face as he smiled tenderly back at her. She murmured his name and held out her hand, which he took in his and kissed before holding it to his cheek. “Gemma, I’m so sorry.”

Her head rolled lazily from side to side as she shook it. “Don’t be sorry…” she whispered. “You’re here now.” A sweet, weak smile was such a lovely contrast to the gash across her forehead. 

“Can you move?” Alex asked warily, eyeing her broken ankle. “What happened?”

“I slipped, I guess. I dunno…” she said anxiously, covering her face and wincing as her dirty fingers brushed her forehead.  She pulled her hand back, her face paling at the sight of the crimson blood that had stuck to her fingers in a gooey mess. “Alex,” she sobbed, “I can’t remember. I just remember running, and now you’re here.”

“You’re concussed…” Alex muttered, brushing hair gingerly from her forehead wound. She sucked air through her teeth hard at his delicate touch. “Oh, sweetness, I’m really sorry, we gotta get you out of here and down to Harvey.”

“I know,” she murmured. “Alex, I’m so tired.”

“I know, babe. I know.”

 

____________________________________________________________________________

 

Aside from his yearly physical, Alex hadn’t spent a whole lot of time at the clinic. He wished he’d been more grateful for that as he spent the fourth hour sitting in the same chair, fidgeting with the same styrofoam cup, staring at the same room. He’d counted the ceiling tiles, the squares of linoleum in the floor, he’d squished divets into the tiny disposable cup with his fingernails until the surface was as cratered as the moon…

Nothing could quiet his brain, or the ticking of the clock, for that matter. The guilt ebbed and flowed like the tide. There were points in the afternoon where he tried to reason with himself, that even if he  _ had _ been there, she still could have fallen. Despite his best efforts, the guilt ate a hole in his heart that quickly filled with fear.

Alex slumped in the small, plastic chair by the door and covered his face. The emotions of the situation were like a tidal wave, and he felt like a tiny ship getting carried away by it. Alex felt so tremendously guilty for not getting to her sooner. If he’d waited longer, if she hadn’t gotten herself out of the cold… She’d have frostbite, or worse. A swirl of if-only’s flooded his brain.

Breath rattled through his chest as he tried to breathe deeply. He need a buoy, a life preserver, anything. The complete sensation of helplessness that grabbed hold of him was tremendous and painful. Rattling breaths turned into heavy sobs as he silently wept. No amount of love or care could heal a broken ankle or reverse a concussion, or keep the gash across her head from scarring her forever.

A gentle hand touched his shoulder and the scent of coffee wafted into his nose. Maru was standing next to his chair, patting his shoulder and holding a steaming cup. He frantically wiped tears from his face before taking the cup from her hands.

“Thank you,” he muttered. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, I can’t imagine what you’re going through,” she whispered. “Must have been so scary to find her like that.”

“I didn’t know what to think when I found her,” he said, laughing a sarcastic, breathy laugh. “She was laying there not moving. Then she looks over and smiles at me. How does anyone smile when they’re feeling so shitty?”

“Gemma was probably relieved that you found her. Must have been terrifying to be trapped in the woods, not being able to get out or get help. You knew something was wrong and you hunted her down. That’s awesome. No wonder she smiled when she saw you.”

“I wish I’d found her sooner.”

“Hey, stuff like this happens all the time. No one thinks it will happen to them when they’re doing something they do every day.”

“Yeah?” Alex said, looking up at her. He took a long sip of coffee. The warm liquid rushed down his throat and warmed him. It felt wonderful. He hadn’t realized how cold or hungry he was.

“Oh yeah. Most of the time, when people hurt themselves, they’re doing something they do all the time,” she laughed. “Willy was just in here the other day because he’d hooked himself while tying a fishing line. Now that was gross.”

Alex chuckled.

“I’ve seen worse, Alex. I can’t tell you she’s going to be okay, but she will survive this.”

“Thanks, Maru.” Alex said quietly.

“Alex,” Harvey said, swinging open the clinic door. “We’re ready for you.”

He took a deep breath before rising to his feet and following Harvey through the door to the patient room in the corner. The curtain was pulled back to reveal Gemma, who was laying in the hospital bed, her leg hanging from an apparatus in the ceiling. Her forehead was dressed in gauze. She still looked like a nightmare, sure, but she looked far better than when Alex had found her.

“So from what Gemma tells me, she was running the trail north of here when she slipped and hit her head? Is that right?” Harvey asked. Alex knew he was asking leading questions, probably testing Gemma’s memory. No wonder he was, since she could have been unconscious or sleeping through a concussion for who knows how long.

“Yeah. That ridge by the trailhead, that’s what I hit my head on,” Gemma said, pressing her palm delicately to her bandage.

“Her fibula has a compound fracture that will take some serious time to heal,” he continued, smiling at Gemma. That was a good sign- doctors didn’t smile unless things were really good, right? “Alex, can I speak with you out in the hallway?”

“Uh, sure, doc,” Alex stuttered as he followed the slender, slight doctor out of the room.

“We need to talk about Gemma,” Harvey whispered after the door’s handle clicked shut.

“Isn’t there, like, doctor-patient confidentiality?” Alex asked nervously. “Like, that’s why I had to wait out in the waiting room, right?”

Harvey’s moustache twitched as he thought for a moment before speaking. “Normally, yes, but when I asked Gemma about who would need to know about her accident, family, you know…”

“She doesn’t have anyone,” Alex muttered. Might as well open the emotional wounds while they were still healing, he thought morosely.

“Well, Alex… she said that you would need to know everything, being the only family she has,” Harvey admitted, smiling at Alex. “Besides a dog? I don’t think the dog would receive instructions well. So, per her request, I’m to share all of her information with you. I’ve made a specific set of instructions which I’ll share with you now, as well as a copy to take home….”

“Okay,” he whispered hoarsely.

Alex decided to borrow his grandparents’ car once again to take Gemma home. Harvey had given her some strong painkillers to help cope with the pain from her broken ankle, which made her quiet and sedate, leaving Alex to himself and his thoughts as he drove back to the farm and helped her inside. It wasn’t too long after that that Alex had a fire roaring in the fireplace and a hot cup of jasmine tea in Gemma’s hands.

Curled up on the couch with her broken ankle sticking out awkwardly, she looked exhausted beyond compare. She stared at the fire, watching the flames dance and lick their way up the hearth’s brick walls in their chaotic dance. Alex watched its reflection in her eyes, noting the way their usual verdant sparkle was dulled by the pain she surely was in.

“C’mere,” he whispered, pulling her into his lap and holding her close. Gemma laid her head against his chest and they sat there motionless, listening to the other’s breathing. Alex toyed with a lock of her hair mindlessly in his fingers. “You feeling okay?”

Gemma nodded. “I’m just tired. Tired and ready for this day to be over.”

“I can imagine. I’m sorry you can’t sleep, Harvey said to keep you up most of the night, just to be sure. I guess because of the concussion.”

“I know, I remember.”

“Good, that’s good,” Alex said, reassuring himself more than her with his words. He kissed the soft skin of her temple and held her tight in his arms. She’d said he was family. Alex knew she probably said it to get him through the waiting room door and by her side. Nonetheless, it meant the world to him. It meant that after so many years of being alone, she wasn’t anymore… she had him, she knew it, and she leaned on it. He hoped she’d continue to do so for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your kudos, comments, and bookmarks. They're the fuel to the fire so to speak, so please don't be afraid to let me know what you think. I love reading your comments and hearing from you <3 
> 
> Come flail with me [on Tumblr](tinyconfectionary.tumblr.com)


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [A little mood-setting song for you](https://play.google.com/music/m/Trmabp37umtsczd64h3jkbhoawm?t=Glass_Eyes_-_Radiohead)

Gemma had always known addiction was hardwired into her brain. She had vague memories of the old clinic doctor in town telling Benjamin in not-so-hushed tones that Gemma had a risk of becoming an addict. Ben would bring home pamphlets from the clinic and leave them tucked under her pillow for her to find later. It was his quiet way of reminding his teenage ward to be careful, lest she tred the well-worn path of the women in her family. Get strung up in some sick addiction and leave town, never to be seen again, never to return. The fear she had felt as a young woman, fear of something she didn’t know and hopefully never would, was a strong memory she kept in the back of her mind.

It was with this fear that she’d lived most of her young life. There were kids from the outskirts of Zuzu that attended high school with her that were rather naive, or unsavory, of course. Gemma wasn’t unfamiliar to drugs and alcohol; she had attended her fair share of parties in high school, where a friend or two would bring her into the bathroom while they shot up or lit joints. She was more of a watchdog than a user, though. Gemma never tried anything thanks to the fear that itched in her brain like a rash.

Running was something she started one summer when she was bored out of her mind and tired of farmwork.  _ “You’re not sitting around here on your ass doing nothing,” _ she could remember Ben saying as he drove his pickaxe deep into the dry soil.  _ “Keep the body busy and the brain will follow suit.”  _ So she strapped on her cross-trainers and ran.

Little did he know he had pushed her into her own addiction. Sure, running wasn’t  _ bad _ for her. It wasn’t like she was snorting crack or smoking meth, but it did have its own problems, like expensive shoes or shin splints, both of which she kept running on despite the warnings. There were times she drove herself nearly to pneumonia, running out in the cold or the rain or whatever weather would threaten to keep her down to no avail. Running gave her so much  _ more.  _ It got her out of bed on her worst days and kept her sane.

The best thing it gave her was the endorphins. God, she loved it. They would shut up her brain like no other and course through her veins like the purest of drugs. The best part was that it couldn’t be helped or prevented because she produced it herself. Running was the easiest way to get it. Every time her foot struck the ground, the satisfying thud would travel up her body and tell her brain, “make more, make more,” and she could never argue. That sweet release was something she craved on a daily basis.

The winter had kept her clean, though. The valley wasn’t anything like the city, where the warm concrete melted snow and ice and evaporated puddles. The city used to be her track. Gemma would run until her knees ached and her shins screamed. Here, mother nature ruled all, and she was ruthless. There was no way she was running, not with all the ice and snow covering every inch of the valley. She despised it and had spent the majority of the season deep in the mines, searching for the rush she would never find.

Her running shoes were calling to her like a distant voice when she awoke. The urge to feel the ground underneath her feet and her heart pound in her ribcage was overwhelming. Not even Alex’s hesitancy, which would normally frustrate her, could hold her back today. She would run, no matter what. Fuck the consequences.

More than anything, right now she wished she had been more careful or a little less eager, maybe, to feed her addiction. If she had just waited a day or two, spring would’ve had time to breath life into the valley and quell the winter frost. There would not have been so much ice that morning, or maybe it wouldn’t have been so thick.

That need, that insatiable drive had called her out here, and she had obeyed, despite everything telling her it was a bad idea. The old snow on the dirt trail behind her house told her not to. The shards of ice hanging from tree branches, formed from melting water that froze overnight, stood like a warning sign. The crunch of the thin sheet of ice over the maw of the trailhead had shrieked at her like a tornado siren.

Above all others, that alluring voice called. Just do it. Get what you need and go home.

She might not be going home now, she thought to herself darkly.

Her heart was pounding in her ears as she lay there, face down the ice and mud. The trailhead cut through a hillside here that shielded it from most of the sun’s powerful rays, leaving the ice here thick and murky with mud. Even if she’d looked for it- which she didn’t- Gemma still wouldn’t have seen it lurking beneath the dirt and grime that coated it after a season’s worth of waiting. She definitely knew it was there now as its deep chill nipped at the bare skin of her palms. Thank goodness they were relatively unscathed.

The pain that lingered in her head, elbow, and ankle weren’t so comforting. Gemma set her weight on her good arm and rolled onto her back to look up at the rosy hue of today’s beautiful sunrise, which was partially hidden by the naked skeletons of trees still deep in their winter slumber. A deep orange cascaded into a fleshy, rosy pink, reminding her vaguely of her lover’s blushy cheeks when he smiled. Alex. He wasn’t going to wake up for awhile. The heartbeat echoing in her ears grew faster and her stomach tied in a knot.

Fear, not the good kind that made her wiser about things, but true, primal fear that made her heart race and adrenaline shoot through her veins, began to cloud her brain. She could feel the shallow breath of her lungs heave as she sobbed dryly. Gemma’s eye stung as something touched its surface. She wiped it away with the back of her hand, bringing it back down to see a stripe of deep scarlet across the back of her hand.

“Oh, no, no, no,” she said, her breathing growing rattly and shallow. The world started to spin a little as she sat up. She’d hit her head hard when she slipped on the ice, so hard that she’d split the skin on her forehead. As she touched it, she could feel hardness, but there was no sensation where she touched; was she touching her own skull? The knot in her stomach grew even tighter at the thought. As much as she wanted to find out, the wound in her forehead stung as her fingers grazed it, and the more she poked and prodded, the more blood oozed down her forehead.

Gemma had no choice but to wipe the blood and mud from her hands on her fleece pullover. Droplets of her blood fell from the gash on her forehead onto her chest; she tried to set aside the ocean of nausea already creating waves in her belly to accompany the dizziness. It was a concussion, for sure. She was already having trouble remembering exactly how she got into this situation. She needed to go home and clean up.

Standing up was a terrible decision. Gemma had braced herself on the craggy hillside as she tried to stand, slipping on the ice. She reflexively put her right ankle down to catch herself, and a howl of pain blossomed from her lungs and she slid back down to rest her back against the cliffside and sob as she cradled her ankle. A small, sharp end of bone had pierced the flesh there and stuck out, making a bend in her leg that just did  _ not _ look normal. The end of the bone was oozing a thick, viscous mess that she was almost sure was marrow but didn’t want to think about it too hard.

The world was rocking to and fro like swing set. She was quickly losing her grip and she knew it; but then again, everything was beginning to feel hazy. Gemma was going to be sick if she didn’t lay down and close her eyes for just a minute. Maybe if she got some sleep, it would get better and then she could get herself out of here. Crumpling against the cliffside, Gemma tried to quiet her racing heart and closed her eyes as she passed out.

 

___________________________________________________________________________

 

Navy and periwinkle tiles danced in Gemma’s peripheral vision as she watched the steam rise from the steaming hot water shooting from the tap. Scented bath soap, reeking of artificial lavender, assaulted Gemma’s nose. The mirror of the small medicine cabinet above the sink was already fogging up, revealing old messages etched in skin’s natural oils. The sound of water pounding against porcelain filled the room and Gemma’s brain, drowning out most of her thoughts and feelings.

Then again, everything today felt odd. Her mind’s slate was marred with the marks of oxycontin and concussion. It was like someone had lazily dragged their fingers through its carefully organized surface and ruined careful plans. What day was it? Tuesday? She knew this morning. She was sure of it.

“Alex?” she asked quietly as he crouched before her and he carefully wrapped her cast in saran wrap. Layer after careful layer starting at the toe would hopefully protect the cast from its humid environment. His eyebrows furrowed as he concentrated, murmuring an incoherent response as he worked.

“What day is it?” she asked quietly, pulling her bathrobe tight around her with her good arm. Her other arm was incapacitated with an elbow that was purple and swollen, making it painful to move even an inch. She clutched it close to her chest.

Alex bit his lip, grinding his teeth into its soft flesh before answering her. “Gem, baby, it’s Monday. First of Spring. Remember?”

“I guess…” she murmured.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“Gemma,” she giggled. “Stupid question.”

He raised an eyebrow as his eyes flashed from her cast to her face. “What day is it?”

“Uh….” she began. “Monday.”

“Good,” he murmured. “What happened this morning?” he asked as he took her bathrobe from her and hung it on the back of the door. Navy and periwinkle swirled around her as she tried to stand and promptly sat back down on the closed lid of the toilet, clutching at her temple. 

“I fell while I was running. I hit my head. I broke my ankle. I have a concussion,” she recited. It was the fifth or sixth time he’d asked her that afternoon, and it was beginning to wear thin. Alex scooped her up in his arms before gently lowering her into the steaming hot bath water. It smelled of artificial lavender, she noticed again, unbeknownst to her that it was the second time she’d had that revelation.

The messages were clearer now that the steam had set deeply into the glass of the old medicine cabinet. Hearts and lewd drawings decorated its surface. The haze set in again, briefly, as she tried to blink it away. Her eyes focused on Alex’s face, his brow furrowed in concentration. Was it concentration? His eyes looked glassy and hollow, far from their normal sparkle of mischief. His lips were pulled tightly across his face.

“You okay?” She asked.

“I’m fine,” he answered gruffly. “Here, get your hair wet. Harvey said we gotta take this bandage off your forehead, anyway. Let the skin breathe or something. Don’t-” he said, sinking to his knees and grabbing her arm as she began to slide under the bubbly surface of the water. “Don’t submerge your face.”

“Why not?”  
“Trying to keep the water as clean as I can,” he said skeptically. “Harvey cleaned up what he could, but you still look like hell.”

She muttered her thanks darkly under her breath as he rolled his eyes. “You wouldn’t let me look in the mirror.”

“Yeah, because you’ll freak out, Gem, and Harvey said to keep you calm,” Alex said as he began to massage shampoo into her scalp. His fingers danced across her skin with force and expertise.

“I can do that myself,” she grumbled.

“Yeah? With that bum elbow? I don’t think so. Just sit back, relax, enjoy someone taking care of you for once.” he retorted. Gemma rebelliously sank into the bathwater until it touched the bottom of her chin. Alex returned to massaging the shampoo into her scalp. As the suds dripped down her shoulders, the water clouded with brown of all shades. Maybe he was right. 

Rather than ponder the possibility that her looks now rivaled that of Frankenstein’s, she turned her eyes back to his face. He looked impossibly tired with dark circles under his eyes. Alex’s hair, which he always maintained in a strict hairstyle every day, was disheveled with what looked like yesterday’s hair gel still coating its strands. For someone who kept a very clean, prim appearance, her boyfriend looked to be a walking disaster.

“You sure you’re okay?” she spoke quietly.

“Yes, stop asking,” he snapped, his fingers digging rather roughly into her scalp. Gemma tried to quell the cry of pain growing in her throat as his aggressive massage on her scalp pulled at the skin on her forehead and its stitches. A hot dribble of blood oozed out from under the bandage. It mixed quickly with the wetness of her fingers as she reached to stop it from running in her eyes and quickly sent ribbons of blood into the bathtub.

“Gemma!” Alex exclaimed, jumping to his feet.

“I didn’t do it!” she called, pressing down on the bandage with her palms. She could feel the warmth of her own blood soaking straight through the bandage. Before she knew it, her heart was pounding in her ears again and room spun like a pinwheel of periwinkle and navy. Alex came rushing back in the room with the paper bag of medicine, dressings, and directions that Harvey had sent them home with.

Before she could protest, he stripped the bandage off of her forehead in one swift motion. Alex growled under his breath. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, I pulled a stitch.”

Gemma breathed in sharply, pressing her fingers against her eyes until white spots twinkled like stars. It didn’t help the sensation of the spinning room. “Alex, I don’t feel so good,” Gemma moaned as she began to feel the bile rising in her throat as her concussion drove her to nausea.

“Okay. Gemma, um, can you dip your head back so I can at least rinse your shampoo? Then we can get you out of the tub.”

Gemma weakly tilted her head back. The weight of her hair pulled back on her scalp, causing a fresh bout of blood to well from the opening in her wound. Her breath hitched as the warm, viscous fluid trailed down her nose. It was too much. The room was beyond her comprehension now and was a swirling vortex of color instead of her bathroom. She closed her eyes to hopefully escape the horrific amalgamation of sensations her brain was overflowing with.

When she opened her eyes, she saw the calm, cool white of their bedroom ceiling above her and felt the soft, comfortable surface of her favorite pillow cradling her head. The room was clouded in dim, gray light that flooded in through the bedroom window. Rain pattered against the window like fingers tapping as she laid there quietly and reoriented herself.  _ Must have passed out _ , she thought.. Touching her forehead, she could feel a stitch where the other one had popped. Now that she really listened, she could hear Harvey’s voice on the other side of the bedroom door.

“You said you could take care of her here, Alex,” Harvey said. “She’s not even home for two hours and I’m already here.”

“It was an accident, Harvey. The skin was swollen anyways, she probably would’ve busted a stitch from smiling.”

Harvey sighed. “I’m more concerned with her concussion. She was unconscious for an indeterminable amount of time. We have no idea how that impacted her, neurologically. The best thing we can do now is to keep her conscious. You promised me you could care for her here, and I’m trusting that I won’t have to take her back to the clinic.” His tone was harsh. He was obviously upset. She shouldn’t be listening in on this, she shouldn’t be listening to Harvey chew Alex a new one...

“Right…”

Gemma shifted in her bed, causing the frame to creak. The voices in the other room hushed while Gemma cursed her ancient bed frame under her breath.

“Don’t let your emotions get in the way of her care again, Alex. I’ll be by tomorrow morning- no sooner than that-” he added, an air of force to his tone. Gemma didn’t know anyone who had the balls to speak to Alex, who was essentially a human brick wall, like  _ that _ . “To assess her for further treatment. You said this is the best place for her to recover. I trust you’re right.”

The sound of the front door slamming shut could be heard and Gemma peered over the top of her covers to watch Harvey walk by the window. His brown curls were already drenched in the spring rain and his glasses were spotted with raindrops. He looked less than pleased to be out in the elements. She could hear Alex bumbling around in the kitchen, fiddling with cabinets and using the microwave.

The bedroom door burst open with Alex rushing inside and closing it quickly behind him. She could hear Storm whimper on the other side before he pressed against it, squishing the door into its frame. He set a mug of tea on the nightstand beside her before sitting on the foot of the bed, facing away from her. Alex’s shoulders were hunched forward and she could see his fingers running through his unkempt hair. His broad shoulders stretched the thin cotton of his t-shirt across them as he curled inward.

“Alex,” Gemma said softly. If he was listening, she couldn’t tell. It wasn’t like she could move easily; with her arm still tucked against her side and her ankle in its monstrous cast, Gemma wasn’t going anywhere fast. Soft, naked skin, still rich with the scent of lavender, goose pimpled as she exposed herself to the air. She crawled to her best ability with her bad leg stuck out awkwardly and her arm tucked to her side down the mattress until she could rest herself against Alex’s muscular back.

Her voice was a faint whisper crossing her lips as she spoke his name once more. “Alex,” she said. “Please talk to me. I’m sorry.” She curled against him, resting a cheek against the firm muscle of his shoulders and pressing her body against his back with her legs straddling his hips. Fingers traced a silent plea into the bare skin that peeked out from under the hem of his shirt.

Like a glass hitting the floor, he shattered. It began with his breath. Deep, meaningful breaths dissolved into sharp, short breaths punctuated with gasps. She could feel him lean forward to rest his elbows on his knees and hold his face in his hands. Breaths turned into sobs that rocked her to her core. Gemma buried her face in his warm, threadbare shirt and clung to him like the last petals of a flower cling to their bud. 

“Alex, please,” she begged.

His voice was hoarse and scratchy as he spoke. “Don’t apologize to me.”

“I fucked up, I never should have gone running this morning…” she tried her best to move around him, to sit next to him, but her body wasn’t having it. Gemma winced in pain as her elbow responded to her awkward movement with a sharp pain that shot straight up her arm. “I wanna look at you… please, just… help me out here?”

“You don’t wanna see me like this,” he said, his voice quaking with emotion. 

Gemma pressed her forehead to the square of his back between his shoulders. “Yes, I do. I want to see you, please let me?”

Alex turned toward her and before she could see his face, he swept her up in his arms, cradling her in his lap as he pressed her good side into his chest. Hot tears spilled from his eyes into her hair like rain, lingering in the roots of her hair. His lips quivered against her temple as he snaked a hand into her golden locks. He held onto her like he would float away if he gave even an inch of room, as if she were a lift raft and he was swept away at sea. Gemma tried her best to press her body against his, wrapping her fingers in his shirt, holding on tight.

“I don’t know how you can apologize to me when I’ve failed you so badly,” he sobbed. She whispered his name softly under her breath, urging him to continue. “I should’ve gone with you, maybe I could’ve helped more, I could’ve protected you or at least kept you awake after you hit your head, and now you’re so hurt and it’s my fucking fault.”

Gemma reached up to graze his stubbled cheeks with her fingertips. She could feel the skin of his cheeks, red hot, flushed, and wet with tears. Soft eyelashes, soaked with tears, tickled the tips of her fingers. Lips trembled under her gentle touch. “Alex, look at me,” she murmured.

Hazel eyes met her gaze, tinged pink and filled with fear. If he had shattered like glass, looking at him like this and witnessing his fragility… it shattered her as well. She looked into his eyes and rested her travelling fingertips on the ridge of his jaw. The moment was heavy with significance; she could feel it in her heart with its barbs sunk deep within it. It was as if it was balancing on the fine point of a scale and would tip with the gentlest puff of air.

“You’ve never failed me. Even when I was out there and hurting I never thought you’d failed me. As long as you- as we keep trying, it’ll never be a failure.” Gemma swallowed back the ebb of emotion creeping up her throat. “I  _ love _ you. It was an accident. It’s okay now.”

His lips collided with hers in a frenzy. Alex’s cheeks, still wet with tears, brushed against hers as his hot, ragged breath danced across her skin. She kissed him back with an urgent fervor. Each kiss was a promise of faith and trust as she tangled with him in his lap.

“I love you,” he breathed, his lips teasing the soft skin of her earlobe as he kissed it. “Don’t scare me like that again, please…”

“I won’t… I promise.”

Alex was quick to tear his clothes from his body and drape himself over her. His hot, tan skin warmed her and filled her with pleasure and affection. Before she knew it, he was buried deep between her legs, uttering his love and affection with every thrust.

Her head began to spin again, but she didn’t care. If she died this way, utterly and completely lost beneath Alex, it would be perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm back. Kind of. If you don't follow me on tumblr, I've been taking some time off, just trying to find myself again. Mental health is a struggle I don't wish upon anyone. Some of you have been kind enough to check in with me and I really appreciate it.
> 
> If you liked what you read, please let me know what you thought. If you didn't, go ahead and tell me anyway. Thanks in advance.
> 
> Find me on tumblr @tinyconfectionary.


End file.
